There is a trend in the Frum community that I believe is quite harmful. It is part of the much larger crisis that has come to be known as “Kids at Risk”
Too many people send their children to a Yeshiva whose Hashkafos are far to the right of where they are, instead of finding the school that most closely reflects their own Hashkafa. They rationalize that it is much easier to make your child less Frum than more Frum. I have heard it so many times Then, years later they complain that they can't make their children less Frum after all. In reality they are sending their children to a school that is at direct odds with the lifestyle they lead causing immediate and continued conflict between the home and the child. This child now gets mixed and confusing messages and doesn't know what to believe. Sometimes this siply leads to a rejection of the values taught at home in favor of those taught in the Yeshiva. This can be quite frustrating to a parent who for example wanted their sons top work for a living and now find out that their children have no intention of ever doing so because of a “Torah Only” approach to life.
But someteims the opposite happens and I believe that this is the single biggest contributing factor amongst normal functioning familes, to the Kids at Risk phenomenon. While there are many factors that can cause a child to be at risk for, not only leaving Yiddishkeit but becoming a member of the underbelly of society (the drug and sex subculture) I think that this is probably the single contributing factor. The children see the hypocrisy of a lifestyle that is not in concert with what they are taught by their Rabbeim in school and end up skeptical about the whole thing. They see the kinds of things that are labeled as Assur (even if they are not technically so) in their parents home and think, why can they do it and not me? They can then take the next step and start rationalizing about real Issurim the same way. Couple that with what they meet on the street and the result can be tragic.
Of course a major share of the blame goes to children who are raised in dysfunctional families and there are a lot more of those around than we would like to admit. A dysfunctional family is a direct link to the world of the street.
But in a normal family situation while the risk is less, it is still there. I believe the risk can be reduced by finding a school which most closely reflects the Hashkafa of the home.
This idea of sending to a school that is “Frummer” than the home is just a plain bad idea.
