As if the influences of western culture don’t infiltrate the overly sheltered world of Charedim. Throw out your TVs! Don’t dare access the internet! Avoid even the news papers. Heaven forbid that our precious children be exposed to the values of the modern world. Well, Charedim may want heaven to forbid it, but it’s not happening.
Of course we already know about the many Charedi young people “falling through the cracks”. Plenty of ink has been spilled on that subject and many organizations have sprung up dealing with these young people. Who do we blame? There are of course many factors some of which have been discussed here before. But what about the Charedi youth who do not succumb to the “kids at Risk” problems… the ones who are successeful Bnei Torah? Have they avoided the pitfalls of society’s negative values? Well, maybe some of them have. But as this story indicates, not all of them.
The desire to marry the prototypically western ideal size woman who wears a dress size of 2 or less… is all too alive and well in the Charedi world. That’s right. Young men seeking marriage partners seem to require one common thing of their potential mates: They must be “super-model” thin. That’s what they point out to their Shadchanim. Talk about shallow! Can there be anything shallower than specifying a dress size?!… or worse a mother’s dress size?! Here is an excerpt from the story that demonstrates this phenomenon:
“He (Rabbi Abraham Twerski) also pointed out a problem that appears to be unique to segments of the Orthodox Jewish community — in particular, those who rely on a shadchan, or third party, to arrange marriages for their children. Noting that some young men specify the dress size of a prospective spouse — and that this is more likely to be a size 2 than a size 12 — he said that some suitors also want to know the dress size of the girls’ mothers, to get an idea of how the girls will look when they’re older.”
Is this the kind of Bnei Torah Yeshivos are turning out? Do they get these values in the Beis Hamedrash? I don’t think so. They get them from Western culture. You know... the same culture they have been denied all their lives. Sheltering has not only not been unsuccessful it has actually been assimilated by Charedi Bachurim the same way it has on Modern Orthodox Bachurim. Add to this the already well know demand that the “better Bachurim” for financial support and we have quite the monster masquerading as a Ben Torah here.
Dress size of the mother?! This is a value to them?! What are they thinking?!
And what is the Charedi community doing about it? Are they countering with Mussar? I don’t know. But in at least one article I read in the internet Yated, Dei’ah V’Dibur last year, they are catering to it. A Shadchan advised young women on how to actually diet and exercise so that they could have a better chance at getting married! Instead of instilling the higher values one would expect of Bnei Torah and rejecting the superficial values of the general culture.
Just to be clear, a proper diet and exercise is a good idea. It is an important aspect of one’s good health. Nor am I saying that looks don’t matter. Of course they do. Physical attraction is very important. But those aren’t the issues here. We are talking about dress sizes. It is about the value of a superficial trait. And it is about who has these values.
Modern Orthodox Jews? Of course, they have these values, some in the Charedi world will say. They are exposed to the culture. But, Charedi Bnei Torah? Well, I guess so! They put a high value on it too. It has become a very popular a condition of marriage for them these days, it seems!
I do not say that all Charedi or even Modern Orthodox Jews fall into that category. There are young people with very decent values in both camps. But it seems that when it comes to the “looks” of the opposite sex, there is not that much difference between them.
