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| Rabbi Manis Friedman |
And he has authored many books. His biggest claim to fame is a
book entitled Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore? Reclaiming, Modesty, Intimacy, and Sexuality. It has gone into multiple printings. I did not read it, but what I have read about the
premise of this book (and what is suggested by the title) is something I agree
with. The world has become a very immodest place judging by what is seen in
various of the entertainment media... and society seems to have lost its sense of shame.
But that does not make him any less foolish. Dangerously so!
A conversation was recorded (and uploaded to YouTube) between
him and an unidentified questioner about the impact of sex abuse on a victim the questioner knows.
To make a long story short, he basically said the following to victims of abuse (I am paraphrasing): “You were sexually abused?! “Big deal!” “Get
over it!” “What happened to you in the past is of less importance than
forgetting to make an Al HaMichya” - the
rabbinic requirement to offer a small prayer of thanks after eating a cookie or a piece of cake.
His entire approach in this video is one of arrogance as he
makes light of the trauma suffered by a sex abuse victim at the hands of an
abuser. In some cases – life-long trauma! He belittles their feelings of being “damaged goods”
by saying we are all damaged goods. As if to say that all the natural
indignities that one may experience throughout life is the same thing as
being abused.
He even goes so far as to suggest that victims of abuse should
never tell anyone they date that they were abused or molested - doing so with a
laugh and a smirk! I wonder how Motty Borger's widow would feel about that? Motty committed suicide on his wedding night. It was later disclosed that he was a victim of sex abuse.
Obviously Manis Friedman has never himself suffered from any form of sex
abuse. Nor have his children or his wife. Nor his parents. He has ever been
forcibly sodomized or forced to perform oral sex on an abuser. Or used as a sex
object for the self gratification of an abuser.
He obviously doesn’t know anyone who has led a life of
severe clinical depression because of the abuse they suffered. Nor does he know
of anyone who ultimately committed suicide over it; or went OTD because of it;
or tried to self medicate their emotional pain via alcohol or drugs.
No, to Manis Frierdman it is all an overblown phenomenon
foisted upon the Jewish people by a society gone mad. In further dismissal of
the public outrage he says Jews should
not be guided by the morals of the public but by the Torah. “What was the
Aveira, after all?” He says. This is how how we should see sex abuse or
molestation.
I guess there has been no penetration into his brain about
the devastation caused to someone who was abused. His notions of sex abuse
would free all the Kolkos of the world to keep gratifying themselves with selected
students. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he felt that abusers should never be
prosecuted let alone reported to the police.
Does this man have no Busha (shame)? Doesn’t he blush
anymore? Does he really care about reclaiming modesty, intimacy, and sexuality,
with his attitude that minimizes and even ridicules the trauma sex abuse victims
suffer?
This is not the first time that Manis Friedman has gotten himself
into hot water. And it will probably not be the last. That this man is given
any credibility among Orthodox Jews is a bewilderment! And yet, just last week he was given space in
one of the Charedi magazines to write about matters theological. (Which I read
and thought was an extremely juvenile way of looking at God’s incorporeality.)
The video that was posted on YouTube was taken down almost as
soon as it was put up. Apparently Chabad leadership understands what Manins
Freidman does not. You cannot trivialize sex abuse. It is not the ‘small’ sin
he tries to say it is. It is a big sin tantamount to spiritual and emotional murder!
That he has trivialized it shows that he is no man of wisdom. He does not have any training in the field of
mental health and yet arrogantly presents himself as some sort of expert based
on his own understanding of what the Torah says about it.
That it was taken down is a good thing although cached copies are still around. But Manis
Friedman’s views have been exposed. This is how he feels. The proverbial cat is
out of the bag. No apology can suffice in my view. It will amount to nothing
more than damage control if and when it happens – which remains to be seen. The
only thing I see changing his mind is if it God forbid happens to him or a
loved one. And I do not wish it on him in any way. I do however wish that this
man is never given any credibility on this issue by anyone.
Update
I have changed the title of this post and removed a hyperbolic line from the text. In a moment of heated anger, I violated my own rules against flaming comments. I apologize for that. But I stand by the content.
Update
I have changed the title of this post and removed a hyperbolic line from the text. In a moment of heated anger, I violated my own rules against flaming comments. I apologize for that. But I stand by the content.
