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| Among gay conference panel members were Rabbis Helfgot and Goldin (JTA) |
Once again, I am confronted with a dilemma. A dilemma that
is currently on the front burner of debate in America. Homosexuality is an
issue upon which I have expressed my views many times. And yet, I am conflicted.
That’s because there is a fine line between what is and what isn’t an appropriate
approach to it.
There are conflicting values. On the one hand there is Kavod
HaBriyos – the requirement to treat all of mankind with dignity and respect - regardless
of their sexual orientation. That is a
given. On the other hand there is the Halachic prohibition of homosexual sex.
How do we honor both laws? I have expressed the view that we simply have no
right to judge people by their sexual orientation or by what they might be doing in the privacy of their own homes. We
must instead always judge them by their character.
At the same time we must be clear about the prohibition of
living a lifestyle that would include forbidden sexual acts of any kind,
whether they are committed by straights or gays. In no way should there be
a blessing for unions that are based on forbidden acts. Or lifestyles that are
conducive to them. Which is why I am opposed to gay marriage. And yet state
after state has legalized and given their blessing to the marriage of same sex
couples. The Supreme Court is now considering whether there is a constitutional
right to same sex marriage thus making it the law of the land.
This has come about because of a well organized campaign by
gay activists to portray gay couples as no different than straight couples. Hollywood has done more than their share of
promoting this image as has the news media. Yesterday for example, the PBS
Newshour had a segment pitting the views of a pro gay marriage gay couple against
the views of their city’s mayor who opposes it.
While the arguments for and against may have been fair, the
visuals told a different story. One could see that the gay couple was as normal
and mainstream as could be. They were typically American with good values, raising
children they adopted the same way. Seeing that and listening to their message
one cold only have sympathy for their plight. They felt they were missing one
important cog to their wheel of happiness. Marriage. If
their union was recognized by the State through marriage - they would achieve complete
societal acceptance equal to heterosexual couples. Thus normalizing a gay
lifestyle. After seeing how normal this family was, how could anybody object to
that?
And yet there is something to object to. As bible believing Jews, we cannot normalize
a lifestyle where sexual gratification is patently forbidden to one degree or
another. Even in the unlikely event that they are able to refrain from forbidden
activity, we cannot celebrate a union where this is a likely outcome.
The current spirit of the times suggest otherwise. Those
with an agenda to completely normalize a gay lifestyle must perforce reject
what the Torah says about it. How can they not? That is the only way one can
say that homosexuality is the same as heterosexuality. That the lifestyles are
equal. They will add that what people do in the bedroom is no one’s business
anyway. That may be true, but that does
not allow us to say that they are both the same when the Torah clearly says
they are not. Those who think that homosexual
sex is just fine reject what the Torahs says about it. It is as simple as that.
However the spirit of the times on this matter is not entirely
wrong. It is true that gay people experience ignorance and prejudice. That
ought to change.
I believe that is what a landmark conference on April 19th at
Columbia University on homosexuality and Orthodoxy was all about. They are
trying to hash out these issues and I applaud them for it. On the panel was
Rabbi Shmuel Goldin recent past president of the Rabbinical Council of America
(RCA). It was also attended by former OU executive director Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb.
Certain myths were disposed of very quickly at the
conference. Like the one that reparative of conversion therapy works. From a JTA article:
At the conference, that possibility was rejected as dangerous by two mental health professionals: Jack Drescher, who has helped develop the American Psychiatric Association’s positions on sex and gender diagnoses, and Warren Throckmorton, a prominent former supporter of conversion therapy who now condemns it.
I’m glad that these issues are finally being addressed by mainstream
Orthodoxy. But I am disappointed that
there is a break by the Charedi world about it.
A few years ago, some thoughtful Modern Orthodox rabbis came
out with a declaration that both Halachic and exuded compassion for members of
gay members of the Jewish community – urging fair and equal treatment for those
that are open about it. It was signed y 100 Orthodox rabbis.
For some reason the Charedi world felt impelled to come out immediately
with their own ‘Torah Declaration’ suggesting that the first one was not Torah
based. It was signed by over 200 rabbis – some of whom are considered leaders
in the Modern Orthodox world.
After reading them both, the only real difference I could
see was in how reparative therapy is to be treated. This second set of rabbis
categorically rejected the notion that gay people cannot be ‘converted’ into
being straight. This despite all the research to the contrary. Although there
have been claims of success by such organizations, I believe that it was only
those that were confused about their sexuality. Not with those that were sure
about it. The rationale of the second declaration is as follows:
From a Torah perspective, the question whether homosexual inclinations and behaviors are changeable is extremely relevant. The concept that G-d created a human being who is unable to find happiness in a loving relationship unless he violates a biblical prohibition is neither plausible nor acceptable. G-d is loving and merciful. Struggles, and yes, difficult struggles, along with healing and personal growth are part and parcel of this world. Impossible, life long, Torah prohibited situations with no achievable solutions are not.
I understand what they are saying. But I don’t see how that is
reconciled with experts in the field have concluded that it is ineffective and
even dangerous. To suggest that gay
people can change and must subject themselves to the humiliation of conversion
therapy is to put them at risk for depression and even suicide. That has been
shown to be the case in many situations. Shouldn’t Pikuach Nefesh be the primary
concern? In the face of that, shouldn’t rationales like that be put aside?
Maybe we simply cannot explain why the Torah gave us this law?
