One of the most fascinating things to me is when a secular
Jew becomes a Baal Teshuva. Even more fascinating is when a non Jew converts to
Judaism. On the other hand it is just as fascinating to me when a religious Jew
becomes irreligious. And perhaps the most fascinating of all, are the people
who become religious and then go back to being irreligious. For purposes of
this post, I am defining religious as Orthodox.
I have always had a keen interest in people who are
motivated to so drastically change their lives. For reasons I cannot go into, I
was today reminded of a fellow who became religious through Lubavitch, was
ordained as a rabbi by them and was as sincere about his Judaism and Chabad as
anyone could be. And now he is totally irreligious, a secular Jew. In his case
it was a traumatic life event that appears to have thrown him off.
The reason I am so fascinated by people that become
religious Jews, whether as a Baal Teshuva or a convert, is that they saw
something in Judaism that so appealed to them, that they were willing totally
abandon the former lives… and their communities – in favor of an entirely new
lifestyle and community.
They have left the comfort zone of their formerly permissive
lives and loving families to embrace a lifestyle that their parents and friends
sometimes ridiculed. A lifestyle of new laws and regulations that make lives a
lot harder to live than the ones they were leading before. I realize that are
many reasons why they change their lives so drastically. Like escaping family
dysfunction. But why must one change their lives in order to escape
dysfunction? Why embrace Judaism with all its strictures? Why not just leave?
There must have been something they saw in Judaism that appealed
to them. It must have been very compelling. Indeed there are many compelling
reasons why someone might want to lead a Jewishly observant lifestyle. One might say that they see in Judaism how highly the idea of family is valued. Something illustrated by something as simple as a Shabbos meal.
But at it’s heart, I have to believe that the choice has to be an
intellectual one. They must see a truth in Judaism that they do not see anywhere
else. It is especially gratifying when someone that was religious in another
faith abandons it in favor of Judaism’s truths. For those of us that are born into a religious
family, it is inspiring to see others discover its truths and it justifies the
belief system we were all born into and never questioned. Just accepted without
most of us ever thinking about it.
On the other side of the coin, why do people that are
religious leave Judaism? There is much discussion about this phenomenon and
probably as many reasons why someone religious leaves as there are for someone
that comes in. But I have to believe the same thing is true about them that is
true about Baalei Teshuva and converts. They have discovered a different version
of the truth. One where they erroneously conclude that God does not exists and
Judaism was made up by man.
And then there are
those that became religious and later left. Why?
I stand in awe of those that become religious – whether
as Baalei Teshuva or as converts. They
came to observant Judaism ultimately because they saw it as truth. Sacrificing a
past full of freedoms that they can no longer enjoy for the sake of truth is
something that I truly admire.
But I do not stand in awe of those that left
observance. Even though they did so
because they saw their own version of the truth which I believe is mistaken. I actually feel bad for them
and hope that they will eventually see the greater truth of the Torah, despite the
fact that they now see it as a fantasy. I also feel bad for them because they gave up something very precious aside
from the truth. A lifestyle that generally exudes warmth and embraces family
values in exchange for the cold and impersonal lifestyle that an atheist or skeptic often leads. (Unless they continue to live as religious Jews while privately
not believing in it.)
I think of Shulem Deen who dropped observance for intellectual reasons. He is paying a heavy price for that in
the lonely life he now leads - if one is to believe his memoir. Which I do.
I have always wondered about how 2 very bright individuals
seeking truth can come to such opposite conclusions. And most of all when a Baal
Teshuva goes back to an irreligious lifestyle, what happens to the truth they discovered
when they first embraced Judaism?
Warning
For those who have left observance for intellectual reasons,
please do not consider this post an opportunity to argue for your
beliefs. Those comments will be deleted. Thank you.
