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| Nachliel Jacobs (Jew in the City) |
One of the truly disturbing developments that has resulted
from our successful integration into American culture is our obsession with showing
it all off. Many of our people tend to
be in ‘upper bracket’ incomes. And they simply do not know what to do with all
that wealth to prove that they have made it big.
It is also no secret
that assimilation has caused far too many of us to shed our Judaism in favor of an a
type of universal humanism that one might say is the hallmark of the American ethos. Obviously there is nothing wrong with many humanistic values -
some of which are paralleled in Judaism. But humanism does not in any way
require one to be a Jew. And that’s why so many American Jews are shedding that
label. This gives them the freedom fulfill the promises of American dream in any
way they choose without the restrictions their parents’ religion placed upon them - if they just try hard enough. How do they then see themselves? Simply as Americans. Judaism was
the culture of their ancestors and as irrelevant to their lives as gefilte fish.
This is the challenge of our time.
But in some cases there is still some residual Judaism in their blood. How
does one combine that with their desire to show off their wealth? It’s call the Bar Mitzvah. Or the Bat Mitzvah.
Unfortunately
it is not longer news to find a Bar mitzvah ‘celebration’ of major proportion these
days. If one has the money, and wants to show it off there is no better way
than to throw a huge party, invite a lot pf people, and perhaps even get some media attention. If you are nominally Jewish and your child is the
right age (12 for a girl and 13 for a boy) why not kill 2 birds with one stone?
Spending hundreds of thousand of dollars on a party and calling it a Bar Mizvah
is not all that uncommon anymore.
And if your rich enough, spending millions of dollars on it may
not be out of the question.You want Elton John to perform at your ‘Bar Mitzvah” Sure,
No problem. Let’s see if he’s available. If not, maybe we can get Billy Joel. Or even Lady Gaga. How about Beyonce?
You liked the movie Titanic? OK. Let’s lock in a date in the
grand ballroom of a luxury hotel and build a mock ship that looks like the
Titanic; and have the wait staff dress up in that period’s ship stewards. The
father and Bar Mitzvah boy can wear the captain’s uniforms.
These Bar Mitzvahs have little if anything to do with
Judaism. In fact non Jews, jealous of this excuse to throw a major party – and liking
the idea of this ‘rite of passage’ have been known to throw Bar or Bat Mitzvahs
for their own children.
Although obviously not to the same level, I often see
opulent Bar Mitzvahs even in the Orthodox world. Across all Hashkafic lines.
These of course do have religious content. But that is usually left for Shul on
Shabbos. The party on another night does not have that much religious content,
except for a possible speech or two.
This is not the first time I have discussed this issue. Now people have a right to do whatever they wish with their wealth. No one
has a right to that money but them. God bless them, if they earned that money honestly. But when it is
done this particular way its it is not a good thing. It sends a terrible message to your children when you
throw so much money at – and lavish so much honor to a 12 or 13 year old – as though
they just solved a world crisis when in fact they did nothing except get older
than they were just a day or two ago.
This is a consequence of the world we live in. A world that means
keeping up with the Joneses... or the Cohens and Katzes, and to show the world that you’ve made
it. We live in a culture that glorifies financial success.
But every once in awhile you find people who teach their
children real values. Values those children put into use. As Allison Josephs describes:
In some ways, Nachliel Jacobs is your average Orthodox Jewish twelve year old boy. He loves sports, music (he plays the drums) and hanging out with his three younger siblings. But there is something about this New York native which sets him apart from other pre-teens: instead of having a bar mitzvah party for just himself, he decided to raise money to throw a party for 300 complete strangers – bar and bat mitzvah-aged kids (and their families) in Israel who have cancer.
It’s not to say that Nachliel hasn’t enjoyed the fancy and lavish bar mitzvah affairs he’s attended, but several months ago while at such an event he got to thinking: All of this for just one night? Why so much wasted money? What could be done with the same amount of money but that would be lasting? It was then the idea for a bar mitzvah celebration to put smiles on the faces of kids who were suffering was born.
This is the kind of Judaism we should be teaching
our children. I of course do not want to minimize the importance of observing
those Mitzvos that are ritual in nature. Keeping Shabbos and Kashrus and all
other such Mitzvos is of vital importance to a Torah oriented Jew. These are
commandments that we must follow. But all too often, lost in the shuffle are Mitzvos
that are not as much ritualistic as they are humanistic. They are called Mitzvos
Bein Adam L’Chavero. Man’s interaction with man.
What values do we teach our children
on this level? And how do we teach them? What is the best way to reach our
children this way in the materialistic world we live in? I think the family
described by Mrs. Josephs answers that question. In spades. Read it and learn.
I am so happy to report a Kiddush HaShem for change.
