by Mark Trencher - Guest Contributor
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| Nishma President, Mark Trencher |
Last Wednesday, I responded to the thoughts of Rabbi Dov
Fischer as expressed on Cross-Currents. Rabbi Fischer was responding to a
survey done by a research organization called Nishma. It was a survey about the reasons many Jews
leave Orthodox Judaism (go OTD).
Rabbi Fischer
had used his own experiences and observations to contradict the conclusions drawn by that survey. He claimed that the responses in that survey could not have been
accurate… and that he saw on campus back in the 70s was more likely to be the case.
What
he saw was a campus life so attractive to the base instincts of man that very
few people - even those that were raised with religious values - would be able to overcome them. And since acting on those instincts were
contrary to their religious values the only way they could give in to them and still
have a modicum of conscience left over is to drop their observance and find ‘excuses’
in the form of rational arguments against Judaism.
Those nationalizations were the answers
they gave to those conducting the survey since telling the bare naked truth would show them to be extremely shallow. According to Rabbi Fischer, the respondents in the survey lied both to themselves
and to others to avoid feeling that way about themselves and projecting such a negative image to others. Which of course produced false results and conclusions.
In my response to him, I agreed that an unguided and unguarded campus life - free of any religious influences - does often cause people to go OTD. Human nature being what it is, good people, can easily get sucked into a self gratifying lifestyle via an enticing
environment. I know people like that. But I also thought he did not give enough credence to the factors
cited in the survey. Which brings me to Mark Trencher.
Mark Trencher is the president and lead researcher of Nishma.
He is an Orthodox Jew and has no agenda to discredit Orthodoxy. He is a professional
that uses classic methods of research that factor in biases of the type Rabbi
Fischer talked about. Having noted the conversation on my blog, Mark graciousness
took the time to respond to some of the comments on that post.
However his most recent comment is
worthy of a post of its own. It is directed at Rabbi Fischer but deserves to be read by anyone with an interest in dealing with this problem. Which should be all Orthodox Jews. Instead of letting it languish in a massive thread of over 200 comments
to a post written last week - I have decided to post this as a guest post. I thank Mark for taking the time to respond. It follows in its entirety.
To Rabbi Dov Fishcer:
The purpose of the survey was to hear what they have to say.
They took the opportunity and were open and revealing. How sad it is that you
refuse to listen, and say they are creating an anecdotal false narrative.
Listen to their voices (There are just a handful , verbatim and unedited, out
of 800+). Listen! Open your heart, Rabbi Dov.
I have indicated that the comments will be made available,
because hearing these voices is our goal. Here are just a handful:
"Curiosity led to me educating myself about topics that
were considered taboo and were not taught in school, such as evolution, natural
selection, other theories of the creation of the universe. Access to the
internet allowed me to gain an unbiased view of these topics. I slowly started
to realize that there were a large part of the world that did not view these theories
as ridicules unproven hypotheses, people with advanced degrees that had spent
many years studying the sciences that had just been entirely dismissed by peers
and teachers when I was growing up. I spent time reading up on many of these
subjects and started to realize that there was no reason to outright reject it.
I'm still learning new things all the time but my belief quickly changed as I
took in this new information."
"As I grew up it became very clear to me that despite
teachings, men and women were certainly not considered or treated equally. Once
I began questioning that, I questioned everything else I had been told. It also
began to bother me that the written and oral Torah, as well as the general
atmosphere of the community, preached racism, xenophobia, homophobia, etc.,
which contradicted that the Torah and the Jews were supposed to be the most
moral in the world."
"The tales of corruption and discrimination in the
community are not myths, they are happening here ... Believe their stories,
their feelings are legitimate. People who leave are not ignorant of some things
by choice for the most part, so they need to be, and usually want to be,
educated. Explain if they don't understand something, don't shame."
"Please be kind and generous to people who are leaving,
understand that we are leaving, our family, our friends, our social network,
our belief system and our understanding of the way life works. Please make us
feel welcome even if you don't understand us, especially in the Jewish
communities that are different than ours. Our community is nothing like you
make it out to be. Please listen to our stories, ask us questions, but don't
pry."
"We are normal. We are not crazy. The problem is not in
us, the problem is in the orthodox community. Yes many people are happy and
stay in the community. So why did we leave? That is precisely the issue.
Orthodox Judaism allows a very narrow set of variety in their system. If you
happen to fall within the confines then your life can be nearly perfect.
However if you fall outside of those limitations life is pure hell and the only
logical thing to do is to leave in order to find a community where being who
you are is okay. I love Judaism and appreciate many aspects of Orthodoxy; if
they would accept for who I am (gay) I would come back in an instant. It's
their loss, really."
"We're not all abused or mentally ill, and we're not
all looking to live a life of hefkerus. A lot of us feel fulfilled without
Judaism. I feel much more fulfilled in life now more than ever. In terms of the
mental illness and abuse thing: there are, yet, many abuse victims and people
with mental illness in the OTD community. One thing is for sure: if the Jewish
community was a safehaven for people with those issues, they would not have
left. It's on the Jewish community to change that."
