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| Image for illustration purposes only (Aeon) |
Be that as it may, the fact is that a lot of young people do go OTD. And contrary to popular belief it is not always about being ‘Porek Ol’ - lifting the burden of observance and living a life free of religious restrictions. Formerly observant Jews lose their faith for a variety of reasons. Some are because of personal traumatic experiences such as having been sexually abused or coming out as gay and the communal fallout of that. And some for intellectual reasons deciding that the evidence against God’s existence and Judaism is overwhelming.
In my view this latter group is almost impossible to ‘win back’. They see the rational arguments with which they came to their agnosticism or skepticism as irrefutable. Which makes the very concept of belief irrelevant. Belief in God by definition is not based on incontrovertible evidence. Because if it was, then God’s existence would be as provable as the sun’s existence. To those that have gone OTD for this reason, it will always trump belief. Without that kind of evidence, their default belief is that God does not exist. I believe that the vast majority of cases like this are unreachable. In some cases they even remain outwardly observant.
But that leaves a huge number of OTD young people that have gone OTD for other reasons. I believe they are reachable.
There is a fascinating podcast called Rischa D'Araisa hosted by Rabbis Avraham Kivelevitz and Yosef Bechhofer which attempts to address this issue. They suggest various approaches in which they might be reached and discuss Charedi communal and parental reactions to OTD children, suggesting how a religious authority figure might react in counterproductive ways that will chase them further away.
This last point is key. Parental, communal and rabbinic reaction to a child that goes OTD is an essential component of convincing a child to return to observance for non intellectual reasons. People that work with OTD Young people all seem to agree that when a child goes OTD they should never be rejected. They instead must be understood and accepted with love - even while expressing disagreement with their child’s choices. in my view the source of their going OTD must be addressed in a positive way. In some cases that source might be the rejection of the rigid lifestyle that goes well beyond the basics of observance.
The problem is that often - by the time a parent understand that this it’s too late. Their child has rejected not only the excesses but the basics. By the time a parent says, ‘If only he would keep Shabbos… or keep kosher …or marry a Jewish woman (or man as the case may be) that child might be at the point of no return.
One of the problems that arise in even trying to at least get their children to keep the basics is that their religiously rigid communities are so radically different from modern Orthodoxy that it looks just as foreign as a completely secular non Jewish lifestyle does. Living as they have without ever even having encountered it means they will feel odd in such a community and simply not fit in. Seeing it as just as foreign as a completely secular lifestyle.
The fact is that a father that laments the lack of any observance - wishing that if only the above mentioned basics were observed would probably be thrilled if that child were modern Orthodox and not OTD. Which is why I am such a fan of a program created by one of my heroes, Allison Josephs, creator of Jew in theCity.**
While ‘Footsteps’ helps you fully transition to a secular non observant lifestyle, Jew in the City’s Project Makom offers an alternative lifestyle that will give young people disaffected from the rigid insular lifestyle in which they were raised - what they seek. Without abandoning the basics. This program was mentioned in the podcast but was quickly glossed over for lack of knowledge about what is does exactly. I actually hosted a guest post about it by Jew in the City’s Allison Josephs who founded this program back in 2014.
One of the valid points made in this podcast which was generated by a New Yorker Magazine article on the subject is the magazine’s negative spin on observant life. While what they say about young Charedim going OTD is true and paint Footsteps in a positive light, it would have been a lot more balanced had they mentioned the Jew in the City alternative to that.
Unfortunately I have long ago come to the conclusion that - contrary to the claims of objectivity made by journalists - there is no such thing as objective reporting. So I am not going to hold my breath waiting to see a positive article on observant Judaism or on Project Makom’s success. Which is really too bad since it would not only help the young people it serves - it would help their families as well.
*One of those rabbis contacted me and told me the following about Footsteps. After contacting and observing them he came to the following conclusion :
I can comment on Footsteps. I believe that this organization is the worst missionary organization in all of Jewish history. Yep. It beats J for J, and countless others. Hands down...
They conduct their support meetings on Shabbos, with open, blatant chilul Shabbos, in the venues are typically non-kosher eateries. They discuss the removal of one’s yarmulka, beard/payos, and other forms of orthodox garb as milestones, teaching them to look forward to these steps...
I have observed situations where chassidishe couples have minor quibbles about exactly what the desired sheitel etc. should look like. (Footsteps) discovered this, and began to twist the young woman to the point that she left observant Yiddishkeit completely, divorcing and abandoning her family. There are many similar stories... (Footsteps) is actively recruiting.
**I was also contacted by Allison Josephs about the not so subtle anti religious bias in that New Yorker article that pretended to be balanced. (Why am I not surprised?!) The following is a link to the letter she sent to the editor:(link)
