Young ultra-Orthodox people are leaving Haredi society at a
faster rate than expected, according to data published by the research and
strategy division of the nonprofit Yotzim L’shinui.
An estimated 15.3 percent of young Haredi men and 11.9% of
young Haredi women leave ultra-Orthodox society by the age of 30, according to
figures based on Israel’s latest population census.
One estimate I heard is that approximately 100,000 students
study Torah full-time in Israel. And that’s not even counting young women. That
would mean that there are over 15,000 Charedi men and nearly 12,000 women that
are OTD!
Why are so many young Charedim rejecting the religious way
of life in which they were raised?
I can’t begin to imagine the anguish parents experience when
a child departs so radically from their family’s way of life. In most cases,
the child is leaving not only the family’s religious practices but also the
entire community. It is virtually impossible to live a nonreligious lifestyle
in a community whose way of life revolves almost entirely around mitzvah
observance.
Why does this happen?
I have addressed this phenomenon many times in the American
context. The truth is that there are as many reasons for leaving religious
observance as there are people who leave. Nevertheless, certain common factors
deserve attention. Understanding them might help reduce the number of people
who abandon their religious upbringing.
One reason often cited is questioning matters of faith. That
is a difficult subject, well beyond the scope of this post. My guess is that
intellectual doubts are not the most common reason people leave.
More common, I believe, is an abusive parental relationship.
A child who is constantly and severely punished for minor infractions by an
overly strict parent can suffer considerable damage to his self-image. He may
eventually seek to escape that relationship by rejecting the religion
associated with it.
Sometimes, a child cannot keep up with classmates for
reasons beyond his control. An undiagnosed learning disability, such as ADHD,
may prevent him from concentrating in class. Teachers often teach to the
majority, leaving children who struggle to fall through the cracks. That
experience can be deeply discouraging.
Bullying is another possibility. Classmates may recognize a
child’s social vulnerability and exploit it, making him the butt of jokes and
subjecting him to humiliation.
These problems can be addressed if parents and teachers
recognize them. Unfortunately, sometimes they go unnoticed until the damage is
done.
And sometimes, a child simply does not fit in. He may feel
uncomfortable doing the things other children seem perfectly happy doing.
Whatever the reason, one can only imagine the pain that
might lead a young person to reject not only his religious upbringing but also
the community in which he was raised.
The article describes Yotzim L’shinui, an organization that
provides resources for Haredim seeking to integrate into broader society. It
sounds much like Footsteps, its American equivalent.
Organizations like these are have been accused of
discouraging people from returning to religious life. They deny doing so. Hard
to know how accurate those accusations are. But clearly their primary focus, appears to be helping people adjust to life outside their former
communities – paying little attention to religious observance of their
‘clients’ which is irrelevant to them.
Once someone leaves, returning can be difficult if not
impossible…
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