No, Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D. is not my secret identity. But if I had one, it would be his. In an article in the Jewish Press he brilliantly discusses many of the ills in the Torah world in the context of Shiduchim. Uncannily, he is critical of these ills in the same way I have been.
Dr. Michael Salamon, a fellow of the American Psychological Association, is the founder and director of the Adult Developmental Center in Hewlett, New York. He is the author of numerous articles and several psychological tests. So in areas where I intuit, he has expertise. And ironically we have come to the same conclusions.
Here are some of his observations:
There needs to be “an exquisite balance between two conflicting needs…if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense in you, then you cannot distinguish the useful ideas from the worthless ones.”
This point applies to all human belief systems. If you do not question yourself or ask of others, you cannot grow. In contradistinction to the exquisite balance we have attempted to achieve between the insularity of inflexible orthodoxy and necessary engagement with the world at large, our children are increasingly encouraged to disengage. There is a growing rejection of the Talmudic dictum “yesh chochmah bagoyim.”
As an observant psychologist whose credentials speak for themselves Dr. Salamon tells us the following.
I often receive phone calls from rabbis seeking advice on how to deal with a “certain young man” who will spend twenty-four hours a day, every day, in the bet midrash. While the rabbi may see it as a sign of some underlying problem, the young man’s peers are often envious of him for sitting up all night and learning. Dedication, commitment and hard work are necessary for success in any endeavor, but there is a line of commitment that, when crossed, may result in pathology.
I believe this shows that a pathology of mental illness exists in the Yeshiva world which is far greater than we are aware of. Why are we not aware of it? When young people are indoctrinated to believe that learning 24/7 is the ideal, it is virtually impossible to distinguish between one who does so for psychologically healthy reasons and one who does so because he is suffering from mental illness. To the casual observer, all who do this are looked at as an ideal Ben Torah.
But as Dr. Salamon tells us he often receives phone calls from rabbis seeking advice on how to deal with this problem. The good news is that at least there are responsible rabbinic leaders who are aware of the problem and trying to do something about it. The bad news is denial on the part of the Charedi public. In my view this argues for a more aware public so as to effectively deal with this malady and to not dismiss it as an anomaly. We ought to know the truth.
Another point Dr. Salamon makes is one that I have made based on anecdotal evidence. But now we have an expert with hard data on the subject saying it:
It is a commonly held belief in our community that the rates of domestic violence are exceptionally low. If this violence does exist, the reasoning goes, it can be eliminated by seeing to it that our children do not marry someone raised in a family where there has been domestic violence.
Both these beliefs are fallacious. Research has shown that the rate of domestic violence in the Jewish community, including the Orthodox community, are virtually the same as in the secular world.
On sex abuse and drugs:
Similar inconsistencies exist in dealing with the problems of substance abuse, sexual abuse, and even learning disabilities. We have disengaged from the reality of research that shows rates for these ills are virtually the same among the Orthodox as they are in the secular world. But when an attempt is made to address these problems, it is often done in ways that ignore or even deny the best intervention methods currently known.
On insularity and Chumros:
Because we have become more insular, we have begun to lose our rationality. Questions of halacha resolved years ago return to the fore despite a lack of change or new information, and a more stringent, even strident, approach is applied. This approach strongly presumes that the more we disengage from society the healthier we become. I believe, as do most other frum mental health professionals, that the opposite is true.
So there you have it. Not my speculation but the words of a respected professional based on hard data. And the agreement of most Frum mental health professionals.
In short, this article is a must read. And it ought to be a basis for carefully considered but dramatic change in attitude and policy in the Torah world if we ever hope to rid it of these kinds of problems.
