The Disillusioned Baal Teshuva

Award winning actress, Mayim Bialik - a modern Orthodox Baalas Teshuva

The Gemara tells us B’Makom SheBaalei Teshuva Omdim Ein Tzadikim Gemurim Yecholim La’amod Bo.  In the place where a Baal Teshuva stands, a completely righteous person cannot stand. (Brachos 34b and Sanhedrin 99a)

A Baal Teshuva (or Chozer B’Teshuva as they are called in Israel) is an observant Jew that knowingly sinned and sincerely repented. But in common parlance a Baal Teshuva  refers to a secular Jew not raised in an observant home – and who somehow found truth in the observance of Halacha (Jewish law - as determined by the Torah and interpreted by the sages throughout every generation down to our own). And has now become fully observant

For me, it is a no brainer that this type of Baal Teshuva is someone in whose place I cannot stand. I have always felt that anyone that comes to observance on their own is worthy of such respect. They have given up their complete freedom to indulge in any pleasure available to mankind - and have embraced a life full of strictures because they realized the beauty and truth of the Torah. In essence they are following in the footsteps of our Patriarch Abraham who on his own found God. They too have found God on their own.

Contrast that with those of that that were raised in observant homes and educated how to be observant. It is a lot easier to live a lifestyle that we were raised in and are used to. For us, there is no change in our lives. For a Baal Teshuva, there is a there is a monumental change. An actual upheaval in the way they live. 

In my view those of us born into it cannot compare. Even though most of us are observant out conviction, being observant is often a matter of rote behavior. But to the Baal Teshuvsa  – observance is out of pure conviction, There is nothing rote about it.

It s with this in mind that I read an article by Dana Kessler in Tablet Magazine that deals with a well known (but little done about) problem that faces just about every Baal Teshuva: Acceptance into the wider observant community. Kessler focuses on the 2^nd generation of Chozrim B’Teshuva how the lack of full acceptance impacts them.

Kessler informs us that in the 60s and 70s there was an explosion of such people seeking meaning in their lives. And most of them became Charedi believing that that was the most accurate expression of Torah Judaism. Especially those living in Israel.

However many 2^nd generation Chozrim B’Teshuva end up leaving the Charedi world: 

Now, their oldest children are grown-up and have children of their own, and can testify to the fact that for many, their cultural, financial, and social assimilation into the Haredi world can be deemed a failure. Many of the children of the original chozrim b’teshuvah have since left the Haredi communities where they were raised. And while their parents have, by and large, not returned to the secular world, many have changed their relationship to the Haredi world. 

This is reflected in a new documentary produced by Rabbi Mordechai Vardi, a Dati Leumi (observant but not Charedi) Jew. One of its subjects is Moti Barlev, a 2^nd generation Baal Teshuva who has left his parents community. He described what it was like for him growing up in what may be the most Charedi community in the world, Meah Shearim: 

“The biggest problem the second generation faces is lack of identity,” Barlev told me. “We don’t belong to the Haredi world and we don’t belong elsewhere, either. We grew up with a sense of shame and humiliation from a very early age. We were second-class citizens.” 

Producer Vardi who volunteers for ELEM - Youth in Distress,  added: 

“There are problems with drugs, conflicts within the home, even homelessness,” Vardi told me. One of the reasons is the communication barrier between chozrim b’teshuvah and their children. “Baalei teshuvah have to hide parts of their soul from their children,” Vardi said. “If they don’t want their children to know what they did when they were secular, they have to hide not only their biography but also parts of their soul.” 

There are other things contributing to this phenomenon which are described in the article. But I can’t help but believe that the lack of full acceptance plus the struggles their parents have in dealing with their past is the crux of the problem.

Let me hasten to add that the lack of acceptance is a problem not only in he Charedi world. But many of the cultural aspects of the Baal Teshuva’s past are mostly a problem in that world. Many things they were convinced to give up the Charedi world would have been acceptable in the modern Orthodox world. But Kessler does not discuss how Baalei Teshuca fare in modern Orthodox circles.

That said, modern Orhtodoxy has its own problems. Not the least of which is why so many Baalei Teshuva aren’t choosing that form of observance. The unfortunate perception of modern Orthodoxy is that many if not most modern Orthodox Jews are what I have called MO-Lite. Meaning that the level of observance is based as much on social concerns as it is on Halachic ones.

For example in some cases what is considered a minor observance is abandoned in favor of the social norm of the general culture. Which becomes the norm of the MO-Lite world. In many cases that is due to a lack of education; or misunderstanding of the actual Halacha; or in some cases simply not caring about minor Halachos at all when it comes to bowing to the social norm.

For someone seeking truth and meaning - bowing to social norm does not seem like a path toward truth. And thus their form of observance seems artificial. The Charedi world on the other hand rejects most aspects of the general culture  (and thereby not bowing to it). It therefore looks much more authentic to them. 

But as this article demonstrates it often comes at a high price. One that is counterproductive to their actual goals. Espeeically for their children who did not go through their own personal path of seeking truth. When combined with the lack of full acceptance of the Baal Teshuva it is a wonder why there aren’t more that have left that world. 

What a sad fate for someone seeking the truth, finding it in observance only to be disillusioned by the very community they embraced. This is not to say that the Charedi world does any of this on purpose. Or that they are in any way evil. They might not even be fully conscious of it. But it is nevertheless a fact it seems.

What was somewhat heartening is that observance is not abandoned by all that leave. Some remain observant outside of the Charedi community. That is a good thing.

I have been told that the  Baal Teshuva phenomenon has waned in recent years. The numbers are nowhere near what they were in the 60s and 70s. But there are still plenty of Jews raised in secular homes seeking meaning in their lives. How then do we prevent the scenario described in the Tablet article?

I can’t answer the question. I’m not sure I can change common attitudes about Baalei Teshuva, despite my beliefs that they are more sincere about their Judaism than most of the rest of us that were born into it.  But I do think the Modern Orthodox world can do a better job of working with them. 

In order to accomplish that modern Orthodoxy should not be defined by the MO-Lite world. No matter how big that world might be. It needs to be defined by those of us that are serious about Halachic observance while at the same time recognizing that one need not abandon their entire cultural past to be fully observant. The culture of Centrism includes all aspects of cultural participation that does not violate Halacha. And if it sounds like I am tooting my own horn, I am.