 |
| Yeshiva University Beis HaMedrash (New York Jewish Week) |
I have mixed feelings about this. (No pun intended). Yeshiva University will be hosting a coed Shabbaton this coming Shabbos. There are not enough details in the YU Commentator article for me to say whether I am opposed to it or not. Although I tend to lean against it. More about that later.
But this article does allow me to express generally how I
would feel about mixed social events for young people.
I have been very firm in my opposition to coed high schools.
The gain in learning social graces is not worth the distraction caused by the
fact that teenage boys and girls are thrown together at a time in their lives
when the sex drive in hyper-drive. Not only are such circumstances a
distraction to ones studies, they are also conducive to creating sexual
situations.
I know I’m 72 years old. But that is not too old to remember
what it was like to be a teenager. It didn’t matter whether I was in Telshe or
Skokie (HTC high school). It was an exciting prospect to meet girls and
interact with them. That I did not have much opportunity for that allowed me –
among other things - to better focus on my studies.
(I would even suggest that public schools separate the
sexes. If I remember correctly studies have shown when boys and girls are separated
they both do better in school. But that is beyond the scope of this post.)
I can’t speak for girls. But for boys the temptations are
real. Especially at that age. And they are right in front of you. This is not
to say that there will automatically be promiscuous behavior. Most high school
students behave. But not all. And even for those that do, it takes a lot of
will power. As it does concentration on your studies so as not to be distracted.
This does not mean I am opposed to socializing outside of
school even in high school. As long as it is in controlled circumstances like a
Bnei Akiva function, I see no problem with it. (Although I am opposed to coed overnight summer camps for teenagers like Moshava.)
Dating on the other hand should be avoided at that age. Dating
should be reserved for purposes of marriage. And that happens beyond high
school. Which brings me back to the YU coed Sabbbaton.
Surely post high school dating is appropriate – if it is for
purposes of marriage. Women as young as 18 do quite commonly get married.
Especially in Orthodox circles. It is also not that uncommon in Orthodox circles
for boys as young as 20 to get married. (Whether they are generally mature
enough and ready at that age is a legitimate question - but also beyond the
scope of this post. Suffice it to say that some are.)
And as I have noted in the past, I am I favor of mixed social
functions as means for young adults to meet. Although the ‘Shidduch’ system is
one way to meet a potential spouse, it should not be the only way. Opportunities
should be expanded and not limited to Shadchonim. So in this context I would approve of a mixed
Shabbaton, provided that certain conditions were met. But what if the location
is a Yeshiva as is the case here?
One YU Rosh Yeshiva has publicly protested the upcoming coed
event. From the YU's student newspaper, The Commentator:
YU Rosh Yeshiva Rabbi Eli Baruch Shulman urged students to leave the Wilf Campus this Shabbat in light of the scheduled uptown coed Shabbaton. The announcement was made publicly from the pulpit to over 100 students and rebbeim...
Other Roshei Yeshiva have also expressed negative views. Rabbi Shulman said that coed functions have their place. But
not in a Yeshiva. I hear that. And I would agree that at least one of the
events taking place there is inappropriate:
Scheduled for the uptown Shabbaton were activities such as open beit midrash time in the Shenk Community Shul, a YU-affiliated synagogue located one block from the Wilf Campus...
I do not believe it is appropriate for unmarried young men
and women to be studying Torah together as Chavrusos (study parters). That is
apparently what this part of the event is all about. Not that it is necessarily
against Halacha. But because such circumstances are hardly conducive to actual
Torah study.
Should this event be boycotted as per Rabbi Shulman’s
suggestion? Even assuming everything is done with proper decorum and precautions
are taken by the Yeshiva to minimize contact outside of the actual programs? I’m
not sure the latter of those two conditions is even possible.
But I do agree that this might not be the best of ideas.
True, as noted above - socializing at that age is a good thing as long as the
goal is marriage. But is a Yeshiva the right place to do that? Especially for
over 24 hours straight on a Shabbos? I’m inclined to say no. But at the same
time, I don’t think it should be boycotted either. It will be unfair to the
women that attend. They will surely be offended by it. And I do not believe the letter of the law is violated by YU students participating in it.
That said, if the Roshei yeshiva and YU students do not want to see this happen again, they do in fact need to make a statement loud enough for the administration to hear (as Rabbi Shulman suggets). But it should not be at the expense of others.
That said, if the Roshei yeshiva and YU students do not want to see this happen again, they do in fact need to make a statement loud enough for the administration to hear (as Rabbi Shulman suggets). But it should not be at the expense of others.
