The Right Stuff, the Wrong Stuff, and No Stuff at All

The story of Michelle (Lifelines/Mishpacha)

Scenario one:

 Imagine you are in 7^th grade and you had  asked a question that your Rebbe thought was inappropriate.  Your rebbe becomes so enraged at that question that without a word, he stands up and writes the following on the blackboard, ‘if you liked Hitler, you will love Joe’.

Not possible? Well not only is it possible, it actually happened to Chicago Jewish News publisher Joseph Aaron. Now it is true that this happened many decades ago. But it did happen.

I know that times have changed and Mechanchim do not do that sort of thing any more. (At least I hope they don’t). But it is still  mind blowing that it happened even in the late sixties or early 70s. How can anyone that calls themselves a teacher of young Jewish minds write that kind of comment on a blackboard for the entire class to see?

Needless to say Joe was scarred by that event. That, and a horrible Yeshiva high school experience drove him to go OTD for a short time until he had an inspiring encounter with the Lubavitcher Rebbe which motivated him to  return to observance.

Scenario two:

There is a story in Mishpacha about Michelle, a 22 year old woman raised in a nominally Jewish home whose connection to Judaism was what I would call superficial. Seeing no substance to Judaism she found her way to Christianity and was eventually baptized.

She was won over to Christianity by spirituality she saw in caring fellow students that befriended her at the college she attended.

Although her mother was not observant, she was nevertheless very distressed by this and was able to convince her daughter to see an Orthodox Jewish couple who were involved with deprogramming Jews ensnared by missionaries or cults.

It was there that she found what was missing in her parents home – the spiritually of  Orthodox Judaism. That - and the easy non judgmental  non coercive approach of her new group made her realize that Judaism was a lot more than what she experienced at home. She not only returned to Judaism but gradually became fully observant of her own volition. Now, 37 years later she is an Orthodox Jewish mother of 5 and grandmother of 7.  All of whom are Orthodox.

Scenario three: (From Jonathan Rosenblum’s weekly column in Mishpacha) 

In his maiden speech in the Knesset, the late Rabbi Avraham Ravitz began, “There is something to which I am very much opposed.” The rest of the speech focused on his strenuous opposition to that thing, without mentioning what it was. Only at the very end did he reveal the subject of his indignation — religious coercion. One could feel the collective shock throughout the Knesset plenum. 

I suppose the shock was at the fact that a Charedi Member of the Keneset expressed his extreme distaste for shoving religion down people’s throats. Something that  had apparently been suggested or attempted via new legislation at the time.

What these three scenarios demonstrate to me is something I have known for quite some time. We cannot live insular lives. We must integrate with our fellow non observant Jews. The only way to reach out to fellow non observant Jews is to connect with them and befriend them in non judgmental ways. To appreciate them for who they are and never criticize their way of life.

It is by example that they will pay attention. Not by force. Legislating religious laws where there were none in the past (religious coercion) will do the opposite. No one likes to be told what to do. People do not get inspired by that. They get inspired by the way people they respect live their lives. And in order to get that kind of respect we most engage with them – and respect who they are.

As was the case with Michelle, there is not a doubt in my mind that deep down people look for something beyond the here and now. People look for meaning in their lives. There has to be a reason for living -  and thereby a way to live. It may not be in their consciousness. But at some level, they must ask, ‘What’s it all about?’ By seeing the fulfilling lives that their fellow observant Jews live, they might see an answer and be motivated to do the same thing.  Or to at least try it out.

If that is the case one might ask why there is any religious elements to the state of Israel at all? If coercion doesn’t work, let everybody just do what they want. Those of us that are observant  will have the freedom to be, and those that aren’t will have the freedom not to.

In theory that might be true. But we are talking about a Jewish State. There has to be some Jewish content for it to be considered Jewish. Without it, Israel could hardly be called a Jewish State. The only thing that has kept our people Jewish over the centuries is our religious observances. That has been the constant. Our core religious observances have not changed. 

There are those who claim that the Jewish content should be cultural rather religious. But cultures change over time. Without the constant of religious observance, I don’t see how Israel could sustain a Jewish identity. Israeli society would turn into the kind of meaningless Judaism experienced by Michelle in the home she was raised. 

That said, I am firmly strongly opposed to changing the so called status quo agreement that mandates at least minimal observance by governmental agencies. But at the same time I oppose forcing non observant Jews to be observant by legislating religious law that had not existed in Israel in the past.

At the end of the day, judgmental negative reinforcement like name calling doesn’t work. Ask Joe Aaron. Judaism without substance doesn’t work. Ask Michelle., Coercion doesn’t work as noted by Rabbi Ravitz. What works is living a Jewish life of religious observance that is inspiring. Hopefully that will motivate our non observant friends and coreligionists to emulate us. It is only by engagement with them and behaving  as role models that we can best accomplish teaching fellow Jews the beauty and truth of Judaism.