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| BRS Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (YU Torah) |
It was by way of a Shaila (request of a Halachic
Psak) asked of a Gadol and world class Posek. Someone recognized and accepted as such by
all segments of Orthodoxy, right to left. The question was whether a transgender person(in
this case a man who now lives as a women) could Daven in his Shul. And if so, which side of the Mechitza she should sit on. The answer is
not as important as was what prefaced it. Which went something like this:
‘Would you believe that I now get 2 or 3 Shailos like that every week?’ Remember
this man is considered a Gadol even in the Charedi world.
The individual who asked that Shaila was Rabbi Efrem Goldbberg.
He asked it on behalf of a married with children - 60 year old Orthodox member of BRS, his Shul in Boca Raton. This individual was a role model of an Orthodox Jewish man - a committed Jew in every sense of the word. No one would have ever dreamed
that he had to deal with this issue. That individual wanted to remain in the
community as an Orthodox woman and continue to follow Halacha.
Apparently he is
not alone based on the frequency of that Shaila being asked. In a lecture on the subject (well worth listening to despite its length) Rabbi Goldberg noted that after having spoken on this subject in the past, he had received numerous phone calls from
Orthodox Jews who lead fully religious lives - with children in the finest day
schools. They are tortured by this dilemma. As are all transgender people. Some estimates
say that there are over 700,000 transgender people in the US and as many as
500,000 undergo SRS (sex reassignment surgery).
I haven’t really addressed this issue because frankly, I never understood it. The body that I was born with is who I am. I cannot
understand how a man can feel he is really a woman trapped in a man’s body. Nor
can I understand the reverse. But there are people like that. A lot of them it
appears.
Most scholarship on the subject seems to agree that gender
dysphoria (being transgender) is a serious disorder that cannot be changed. Much
the same way that SSA Cannot be changed. Although one highly respected psychiatrist by the name of Paul McHugh of Johns Hopkins believes gender dysphoria is a disorder of assumption. In other
words he believes that the person’s perceptions do not match the realty. Much
the same way anorexics and bulimics do. They see their almost emaciated
bodies as obese. Gender dysphoria, he says works the same way and can in theory
be treated.
Be that as it may, gender dysphoria is real and people that
have it are in so much pain that they are willing to kill themselves rather
than live in the body in which they were born.
Current medical ethics indicate that in cases where it is warranted, sex reassignment surgery is
appropriate. After which studies show those individuals become at peace with themselves. They now are now the sex they have always identified themselves as.
How that is
determined is tricky. But the current medical standard is that such individuals
must undergo an RLT - a real life test. They must dress and live as a member of the opposite sex in every way before
actually changing their anatomy surgically. A very expensive enterprise –
especially if one goes from being a woman to a man. No surgeon would perform
that procedure without an RLT. (Halachicly this is of course highly problematic.)
I bring all this up for the following reason. The tendency
among most of us that never have to go through that kind of pain is to treat
this disorder with contempt, disgust, and condescension. A freak of nature worthy of ridicule. With
a deviant sexual desire. One which that should
be overcome with a little work and some psychotherapy. But instead of seeking
that help, they indulge their desires to gratify those aberrant instincts by cross
dressing. We used to call such people transvestites.
But that is the furthest thing from the truth. These people suffer unimaginable mental anguish.
They would give anything not to feel that way. A way they have felt from their
earliest memories. The pain is so great that suicide is often contemplated. There is
an astounding 41% suicide rate by transgender people.
Which may make this SRS permissible in those cases -
despite the fact that is completely forbidden by Torah law to performs such a
surgery for a variety of reasons. I am not saying it is permissible. Just that
suicide might be a reason to permit it. Obviously issuing a Psak on this issue
is well beyond my pay-grade. It can only be answered by a respected Posek like the
above-mentioned one.
That he gets as
many questions about this issue as he said, indicates that a huge number of observant
Jews have this problem. One might
deduce form this that there are people we know that do, and yet we have never
encountered one. That’s because of the stigma attached to it. No one wants to
suffer th indignities of contempt and ridicule that will result by commig out.
Which is far more likely in an observant community.
We should therefore think very hard about our approach to
this issue. And to try and understand the pain associated with it among those
that have this condition. We need to have sympathy rather than ridicule. And call
it out when we see it. Because you never know if the individual sitting next to
you in Shul every Shabbos has this condition and how much pain they have – which you
are adding to with that attitude.
Which brings me to a recent story in the Times of Israel
about a Charedi father from Manchester, England who now lives as a woman. She
has tried unsuccessfully to have a relationship with her five children. But was
denied that personal relationship by a London court. I understand the
reluctance of their mother to expose their children to this.
But I now also understand the extreme pain this woman, their former father, is going through. And
so should everyone else with a heart. That something is Assur does not mean we
may not have compassion to those desperate souls so unhappy with their lives that they feel they have no choice but to transgress…
or die.
HT: GS
