Thursday, December 23, 2021

Is There Such a Thing as Too Frum?

Image from Autz Sheva
If there was ever a city that can clearly be defined as Charedi, Beitar Illit is it. I don’t think there is a soul living there that is not Charedi. I have some relatives living there that I adore. They are as fine a family anyone can imagine. I’m sure that most of the rest of Beitar is pretty much the same. 

This is a community that takes their religious obligations very seriously. They truly exemplify the very definition of being Charedi. They are Chareid L’Dvar HaShem – making certain that their religious obligations and customs are observed in the most stringent manner possible. Well beyond the letter of the law.

Now of course there is nothing wrong with that. But I think it is fair to ask whether this idea can be taken too far. Is there some point where stringencies become counter-productive and even harmful to one’s spirituality?

I think the answer is a very hard  YES! There is such a thing as going too far. Even when talking about stringencies.  Even though people are free to live any way they choose, doing too far while believing or claiming to live on the highest spiritual level might be doing the opposite.

The most common example, of this is the relatively recent phenomenon of not publishing any pictures of women. The people living in Beitar (women included) probably believe that this is just living by higher modesty standards. But as most of the rest of the Orthodox Jewish world knows, there is collateral damage. Which in some cases is both physical and mental. And may even cause spiritual damage! I am not going to go into details. Been there and done that. Many, many times. But it isn’t only about pictures. It’s about nail polish. From Artuz Sheva: 

Rabbi Haim Weiss, the rabbi of Beitar Illit, a haredi city in Judea, has called on the city's women to increase in modesty.

Among other things, Rabbi Weiss has called on Beitar Illit's women to refrain from driving. His words, published on Behadrey Haredim, include a claim that the late Rabbi Wosner would often request that women not drive vehicles, for reasons of modesty.

Rabbi Weiss also slammed the fashionable wigs which have penetrated the haredi street.

"This is a horrible breach, and it has already been spoken about several times," he said. "It's time that there be a kosher certification for wigs. There are things which convince women to dress the opposite of modestly."

On another issue, he added, "There are women who grow out their fingernails, with nail polish or without nail polish. Such things never used to happen in our circles... This is for secular women."

Rabbi Weiss added that in his opinion, Beitar Illit is considered too "liberal."

"We need to improve the name of our city somewhat," he said. "There are families who come to Beitar because Beitar is considered an accepting city... There are families who come from Jerusalem to fall apart in Beitar." 

I assume that this is R’ Weiss’s response to what appears to be an increasing divorce rate in Beitar. Normally I would just wave it off and say that this has nothing to do with my own Yiddishkeit. But as the Rav of Beitar, what he says carries a lot of weight. Which means some of Beitar’s residents will take it seriously and add stringency upon already existing stringency to their lives. Making their lives even more difficult. And put even more pressure on their marriages. 

Taking his views to modesty to their natural conclusion, The women of Beitar might end up wearing loose fitting clothing that completely covers up their entire bodies. Does anyone think that’s a good idea?

The answer is yes. Islam does. Their  devout women wear clothing exactly like that. They are called Burkas. And the even more devout among them cover their faces too. Leaving only a slit at eye level so that they can see where they are going.

There are Charedim that would argue that this is going too far. That no sane Charedi woman would do anything like that. But they would be wrong. There are Charedi women that on their own have decided that wearing a burka – or something very close to it - is the most modest way that a woman can dress. I have seen such women in the streets of Jerusalem in Charedi neighborhoods. I don’t know how wide spread that is. It probably isn’t that wide spread. But still, there are more than a few women that have bought into the idea of covering up every part of their body – head to toe – as the best expression of their modesty requirements.

Now R’ Weiss might be one of those Charedim that think that wearing a Burka goes too far. But taking his argument to its logical conclusion will  get you to Burkas. Did it occur to R’ Weiss that maybe the opposite is the case? Maybe it’s the excessive stringencies that are the problem. Maybe easing up on the stringencies while staying within the strict letter of the law might actualy save a few marriages? 

I just wish that some of these ‘holy rollers’ would have some basic common sense. Judaism is not about piling on Chumros. Being Chareid  L‘Dvar Hashem  means thinking of all the consequences. It means considering the impact on the religious community as a whole instead of insisting on Chumros as the solution to all problems. The impact not affects not only the people of Beitar. By adding yet another entire community to the increasing world of stringent communities minimizes the legitimacy of other observant communities not as stringent.  

Consider the negative impact it might have on families struggling to live religious but normal lives. And the impact on thier own children who will come to see other Orthodox communities as irreligious for lack of taking upon themselves the Chumros they see exclusively every day among their family, friends, and neighbors. . I can just imagine a child seeing a religious woman wearing nail polish. They will dismiss her as not being religious at all.

I see only harm coming from the kind of approach all too many Rabbonim like R’ Weiss have. He might mean well. I’m sure he believes his intentions are L’Shem Shomayim – for the sake of Heaven. But good intentions alone are not enough. Because we all know where good intentions can sometime lead.