Hirhurim has an important article today. It is on the subject of Tznius in the workplace. It is based on a book on the subject written from a very right wing perspective and it deals with the Halachos involved in the interaction between men and women in the workplace. And, of course it has Haskamos. As R. Gil says, “This book is highly praised and comes with glowing approbations from leading rabbis.” I haven’t read the book but I’d be willing to bet that all the approbations come from either Chasidic or Charedi Rabbanim.
As Gil describes it this book is a primer in how to turn off your fellow workers. Here are examples from the book that illustrate this as excerpted by R. Gil:
It is forbidden to make small talk about matters unrelated to business. Men and women working together should not discuss politics, current events, recent tragedies or gossip, even if they do not do so regularly. Discussing these matters on a daily basis, is a violation of halachos that border on giluy arayos, which requires one to sacrifice his life rather than transgress.(p.9)
As Gil describes it this book is a primer in how to turn off your fellow workers. Here are examples from the book that illustrate this as excerpted by R. Gil:
It is forbidden to make small talk about matters unrelated to business. Men and women working together should not discuss politics, current events, recent tragedies or gossip, even if they do not do so regularly. Discussing these matters on a daily basis, is a violation of halachos that border on giluy arayos, which requires one to sacrifice his life rather than transgress.(p.9)
When conversing with female employees or co-workers, one must be careful not to us the word "we," so that the man and woman are not referred to as one unit. For example, one should not say, "We must talk with the editor," or "We must purchase that software program." Rather, he should say, "The editor must be consulted," or "Please purchase that program."(pp.10-11)
It is a custom amongst yirei shomayim not to call a woman other than one's wife or immediate family member by her first name, thus keeping a respectful distance between the two parties. Referring to a woman by her first name brings inappropriate familiarity into the relationship. Similarly, a woman should refrain from addressing a man other than hey husband or immediate family member by his first name. (p. 20)
R. Gil’s take on this is right on the money. One cannot live in the real world of workplace and have the kind of standoffish attitude this book advocates. It would mean career suicide to behave in the above manner and a prescription for a miserable daily experience in a work environment where everyone else is being friendly and casual.
I don’t mean to minimize the very real risks one can ,and often does encounter, in the workplace between the sexes. The Michshol could easily become very great. And one needs to be vigilant. There has to be a happy medium. Behavior should reflect a healthy respect for Halacha, and a realization that indeed there are Michsholim. But it should not force one to act like “Marvin Milquetoast” either. Once again knowledge, Yiras Shamayim, and common sense should rule the day. Unfortunately many of our Bnei Torah have abdicated common sense in favor of books full of approbations.
This book reminds me of Rav Falk’s book on Tznius. Instead of dealing with reality it deals with the ideal… the Chumra becomes the standard Halacha LeMa’aseh. Just as in all things Charedi. No Nuances. No exceptions. Black and white. Hard and fast rules with approbations. And what do the Bnei Torah Do? They buy it hook line and sinker. And if they do not meet the standards they feel like failures in their Yiras Shamyim at best and Avaryanim at worst.
They do not look to parents to see how they acted in similar situations. They look in a book. Parents?! …or even grandparents?! They may be well meaning and observant, but what do they know? Did they study the relavant Sugyos in the Gemarah and then look at the Shulchan Aruch and all Halachic Responsa? Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
Ah, but they are Ehrliche people who may just have a family Mesorah which is different from “the book”? Nope! You never can be too careful. And so the Chumros prevail and the Torah world continues its slide to the right. Dr. Chaim Soloveitchik is so right. Mimeticism is lost and we are now truly the people of the book. But which book? The Torah? Not exactly. The book that our people are quickly becoming part of is the Sefer HaChumros.
R. Gil’s take on this is right on the money. One cannot live in the real world of workplace and have the kind of standoffish attitude this book advocates. It would mean career suicide to behave in the above manner and a prescription for a miserable daily experience in a work environment where everyone else is being friendly and casual.
I don’t mean to minimize the very real risks one can ,and often does encounter, in the workplace between the sexes. The Michshol could easily become very great. And one needs to be vigilant. There has to be a happy medium. Behavior should reflect a healthy respect for Halacha, and a realization that indeed there are Michsholim. But it should not force one to act like “Marvin Milquetoast” either. Once again knowledge, Yiras Shamayim, and common sense should rule the day. Unfortunately many of our Bnei Torah have abdicated common sense in favor of books full of approbations.
This book reminds me of Rav Falk’s book on Tznius. Instead of dealing with reality it deals with the ideal… the Chumra becomes the standard Halacha LeMa’aseh. Just as in all things Charedi. No Nuances. No exceptions. Black and white. Hard and fast rules with approbations. And what do the Bnei Torah Do? They buy it hook line and sinker. And if they do not meet the standards they feel like failures in their Yiras Shamyim at best and Avaryanim at worst.
They do not look to parents to see how they acted in similar situations. They look in a book. Parents?! …or even grandparents?! They may be well meaning and observant, but what do they know? Did they study the relavant Sugyos in the Gemarah and then look at the Shulchan Aruch and all Halachic Responsa? Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
Ah, but they are Ehrliche people who may just have a family Mesorah which is different from “the book”? Nope! You never can be too careful. And so the Chumros prevail and the Torah world continues its slide to the right. Dr. Chaim Soloveitchik is so right. Mimeticism is lost and we are now truly the people of the book. But which book? The Torah? Not exactly. The book that our people are quickly becoming part of is the Sefer HaChumros.
