Last night, I had an amazing experience. I attented a wedding. It was an ‘intermarriage’. Not the kind most people think of when they use that word. This marriage was between two religious Jews. The Chasan was a product of the world of right wingYeshivos. He had attended Telshe and other Yeshivos of that type. His father is a product of Telshe. We were in fact school mates. He is also very close with the Telzer Roshei Yeshiva. Additionlly he is also the long time leader of Agudah’s youth organization here in Chicago, Pirchei.
The Kala is a Lubavitcher. Well not exactly. But her father is. And that’s how she was apparently raised.
But the truth is that neither of them seemed to be representative of their parents Hashkafos. The Chasan wore no hat except under the Chupa. The Kala sat with her husband at the same table and went over to the men’s side of the dance floor to watch the men dance and perform shtick. Neither of which is accepted practice by Lubavitch.
So in essence there were three distinct factions there that are often at great odds with each other. It was quite an unusual sight.
The Mesder Kedushin (officiating rabbi) was The Agudah Moetzes member and Rosh HaYeshiva of Telshe, Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Levin. The Kesubah was read by Rabbi Baruch Hertz, the Rabbi of the flagship Lubavitch Shul in Chicago, Bnei Ruven. One of the two exclusive witnesses to the wedding was Rabbi Moshe Soloveichik. The last Sheva Bracha of Nisuin (the wedding ceremony under the Chupah) was given to Rabbi Chaim D. Keller, one of the biggest critics of Lubavitch. The crowd was quite mixed. Lubavitchers, Telzers, and Chicago Briskers... amogst others. All sitting together… eating together… and dancing together… all with the same goal: to be Mesameach the Chasan V’Kalla… to make the couple rejoice.
This was a singular moment in time that will be burned into my memory for a long time. There were plenty of people there saying that this could be a beginning of a new chapter of Achdus… unity… in the Torah world. There were lots of smiling faces. For one magical moment there was Achdus because of Simcha and not tragedy! Definitely something to think about.
But I fear that this will only be a one time event. Even if any thing like this ever happens again, I don’t see it leading to a new rapport between various factions in Orthodox Judaism.
It is obvious that the modern Orthodoxy of the Chasan and Kalla is not a product of their upbringing. They are probably not Hashkafically Centrist in their beliefs. They have it seems simply adopted a more modern Orthodox lifestyle. They have chosen that path in spite of their upbringing. And their good parents embraced it. They know that not all rebellion is evil or that it necessarily leads to dropping religious observance. Thus the event was filled with love all around. You could feel it in the air. The young couple made conscious decisions to accept modernity into their lives and their parents embraced them. And the children reciprocated.
The camaraderie last night between the Telzers and Lubavithers was real… truly sincere. But it does not wipe away the strong differences that divide them. The biggest issue of course is Lubavitch’s emphasis on Messianism, whether it is the overt Messianists among them or those who oppose them but nonetheless legitimatize their Messianist philosophy.
Rabbi Keller has not moderated his views because just because he participated in this ‘mixed marriage’. He still believes that the biggest problem Lubavtich has is that they are Rebbe centered and not God centered (to use his phrase). That certainly accounts for why they validate a belief in a resurrected Messiah that will have a second coming. It also probably accounts for some other out of the mainstream practices I have seen at Lubavitch weddings (although last might this was not the case).
One such practice is that they have an honored guest read a letter from the Lubavitcher Rebbe under the Chupah. They read it in the present tense as though he were still alive. It is a letter that was at one time a standard letter sent by the Rebbe to young couples giving them his personal blessings. But it is written as though it were personalized saying something to the effect that “I (the Rebbe) have heard about your pending nuptials…” Everyone is told to rise while the letter is read.
Another practice limited to the overt Messianists, yet quite common, is the recitation under the Chupah of the famous ‘Yechi…’ (Long live the Rebbe King Messiah etc) It is recited 3 times responsively by everyone present.
These and other things like it indicate just how Rebbe centered this particular brand of Chasidus is. They are obsessed with the Rebbe and they don’t even realize it. They see it as a way of giving him or his memory honor. And thereby consider themselves to be the most loyal of Chasidim. I think that’s right. They are… to a fault.
As long as these kinds of things are part of their culture, Messianism will continue plague them. And as long as that is the case, I don’t see how any true Achdus will ever be achieved.
But for one magical moment in time - on Decmeber 23 of 2007, Achdus was truly there. Everyone forgot their differences. And it was truly a beautiful sight!
