I have been very critical of the blogger Un-Orthodox Jew (UOJ) in the past. And with good reason. My criticism is in the way he operates. He maintains anonymity but identifies himself as an Orthodox Rabbi. As such he should not be using the kind of language he does. I understand his emotion. One can perhaps forgive someone for using such language about situations that UOJ focuses on. But as an Orthodox rabbi he should speak in a manner more befitting of his title as a preacher and teacher in Israel. I therefore strongly object to it.
More troubling is his attitude towards various rabbinic leaders. Frankly it is beyond disgusting. It is unacceptable, no matter how he feels about their culpability in these matters. It debases him and in my view detracts tremendously from his message, which is an extremely important one.
That said - I have always made sure to give credit where credit is due. And UOJ deserves a lot of credit. I doubt that there is another blogger that has accomplished as much for abuse victims as he has. My hat is off to him for that.
UOJ has not been that kind with me. He has in fact attacked me several times on his blog. But that’s OK. I am not looking for his approval. It is not my purpose to be loved by him or anyone else. My purpose is to bring up important issues of the day and provide a venue for discussing them. And of course one of the most important of those issues is child sexual abuse.
I’ve written about this before. Many times. This issue has not gone away. It not only continues to fester, it seems to be growing. It contributes to one of the biggest problems in our day - that of children who go ‘Off the Derech’ …young people that drop out of observance.
There are of course many and varied reasons why this happens. But the most serious cases of dropouts involve children that were sexually abused. It is probably the number one risk factor. And the effects of abuse can last a lifetime causing tremendous and sometimes irreversible damage to marriages. And that’s not all. An individual heavily involved in these kinds of issues writes:
A close friend of mine runs a shelter/group home for charedi runaway kids. I recently ran into him at a wedding and asked him what his thoughts were on the correlation between abuse and the off-the-derech phenomenon. His immediate response was, “Yankie, all I deal with is abuse [victims],” meaning that virtually all the teens in his program were molested.
Most frightening from a communal perspective is that it is difficult if not impossible to cure a serial molester, even one who goes, or is forced to go, for help. Furthermore, untreated abuse victims are far more likely to abuse others then are people in the general population. So what we have is analogous to the Midrashic frog in Egypt (Shmos 8:2; Rashi) that multiplied each time it was struck. Similarly, a molester typically harms dozens or even hundreds of kids – each in turn a prime candidate to molest others; on and on.
How bad is it? Very, very bad. To paraphrase Rudy Giuliani’s famous quote in his 9/11 press conference, the number of abuse victims in our community is more than any of us can bear. I do not keep records of people who call me, or speak to me in public settings, but I would estimate that in the past year months alone between fifty and one hundred abuse victims and/or their parents contacted me. It has gotten so bad that when parents who do not suspect any form of abuse call me to discuss their at-risk children, the very first thing I listen for are the classic red-flags for abuse/molestation.
Those words were written by an authentic hero. He is a man who will not stand safely silent on the side-lines. Instead he risks his reputation and career by speaking out on issues that others won’t touch with a ten foot pole… or if they do - they treat far too gingerly. That man is Rabbi Yakov Horowitz. He is not afraid of telling it like it is. And he did so recently in a Mishpacha Magazine column which is now available in its entirety at his website.
I’m afraid we are seeing only the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many children have been abused and have not told anyone?! …or have told a parent who has kept it quiet - depriving their own children of possibly life saving therapy! Why? For fear of how it will affect Shiduch prospects for their older children or future Shidach prospects for the victims themselves.
How many victims have remained silent and locked in the ‘closet’? ...who, without the benefit of therapy are descending rapidly into a lifetime of clinical depression or worse - suicide! All for fear by their parents of word getting out.
And that brings me back to UOJ. He is screaming at the top of his lungs. I might not like his tactics but I can’t argue with his results. And that is one thing we need a lot more of. Results.
I will end with the same words Rabbi Horowitz does as he describes what I think motivated this column:
In short, I keep seeing the horrific carnage that the monster of abuse is causing among our children. We have the capacity to banish it to the other side of the door. All we need is courage and conviction. L’maan Hashem, let’s finally do it.
