It wasn’t anything I said
that was all that enlightening. It was the comments of some of the people who
had undergone that process of change. The greatest move in the direction of
becoming observant comes from someone that converts to Judaism. That is the
greatest gap that is leaped over from non observance to observance.
Not only is such a person not observant, they are not even
Jewish. If they are Christian, which is most often the case with converts in
America - their belief in the divinity of Jesus was about as far removed from Judaism
as one can get. And considering the strongly held belief by Christianity that
there is no salvation without believing that – it’s a pretty strong change. So
as much as I am in awe of a secular non observant Jew that becomes observant, I
am far more in awe of a Christian that does it. It is also interesting to note
the reaction of friends and family to such conversions. We Jews are not tolerant
at all when the reverse God forbid happens. (Of course in Judaism a person born
a Jew remains a Jew even if they convert.
But that is an entirely different subject.)
With that in mind I am posting two of the more fascinating
comments from that post. Both started out as non Jews. Both adopted Orthodox
Judaism. One converted and one did not. What makes these comments so
enlightening is what brought them to observance; the proccess; the trials and
tribulations; the beauty they both found in observant Judaism; and the fact that in the end each of them turned
out so radically different.
As might be expected of a believer like myself, I am
disappointed in the end result of one and am inspired by the end result of the
other. The two comments follow - slightly edited for style, grammar, spelling errors and readability.
UKgentile
I came to Judaism at the age of 17, and was initially
attracted by the closeness of the Jewish community and the way that religion
and spirituality were interwoven with the fabric of daily life. It was a time
in my life in which I was looking for purpose, authenticity and community. I
saw Judaism as a very life-affirming religion which sanctified ordinary life
instead of demeaning it in pursuit of lofty and transcendent spirituality.
I
explored the various heterodox denominations but found the claim of orthodoxy's
'authenticity' to be compelling, especially that of haredi orthodoxy, and once
I had reconciled, in my own mind at least, halacha and my homosexuality I was
able to fully throw myself into observance.
For 14 years I lived a completely observant life, not easy
considering I lived in a small town with no Jewish community. Despite wishing
to, I never formally converted (for several reasons, including my relationship
with my now husband, who I met just as I was becoming interested in Judaism. I realised (it) would not be accepted despite what had become our fealty to the
relevant halachos. Which incidentally fills me with awe for him, as he made
this considerable sacrifice out of love for me, despite not being a believer in
Judaism himself!!).
I taught myself Hebrew and Yiddish and learned several
hours a day and found Judaism to be intellectually and spiritually satisfying.
That said I did have some significant doubts about elements of Jewish belief,
but these I successfully suppressed because I very much feared that examining
them would overturn my belief and as such my only real connection to the Jewish
people.
Ultimately despite how happy I was living a Jewish life, I
was made uncomfortable by a growing sense of my increasing intolerance and
dogmatism which I saw reflected in elements of the haredi society that I felt
part of. This combined with no longer being able to hide from my doubts, led me
to re-examining my beliefs fully in the light of scholarship both Jewish and
non-Jewish, religious and secular.
The conclusions of this examination led to
my eventual letting go of orthodoxy. For a while I held on to much observance
as a way of maintaining my Jewish self-identity, but slowly my diminishing
observance allowed me to rejoin fully the non-Jewish society around me, and for
the first time I actually felt a sense that I had 'come home', of genuine
belonging, which in time gave me the confidence to drop my observances
completely.
I now live a very warm, purposeful, spiritual and religious life
without Judaism, (indeed my religious beliefs are as far from Judaism as it is
possible to get) but I still hold the Jewish people in huge affection and
regard the Jewish religion as a valuable source of wisdom and beauty even
though I no longer believe in it. My years since leaving Jewish observance have
been the happiest, satisfying and productive of my life, but I retain much
gratitude for all that I enjoyed and all that I learned when Judaism was my
faith.
Shoshana
As a convert, I find this post very interesting, and the
discussion is even more fascinating.
My conversion was mainly based on intellectual reasons. It
would be foolish to think that it was solely based on intellect, and the
emotional factors were excluded, as there is no intellectual reasoning that is
not influenced by emotions, except maybe for formal logic, but the latter also
can be understood as an expression of certain implicit beliefs about the nature
of the reality.
By the way in this thread someone quoted a research on decision
making examined with the use of fMRI. (Functional magnetic resonance imaging or functional MRI (fMRI) is a functional neuroimaging procedure using MRI technology that measures brain activity by detecting associated changes in blood flow - HM.) I would like to point out that it's not
really relevant to discussion, as the decision about conversion or becoming
religious is not a fast one. Most of the people spend at least some time trying
to think about pros and cons, and so one would rather assume that there is a
lot of slow (frontal cortex) thinking involved.
I consider myself Modern Orthodox, and I didn't experience
any ostracism from my friends or family after my decision to convert. It was a
life-changing decision, but I think that more life-changing was a consequence
of this decision: the fact that I had to leave my country to find a Jewish
community, as I lived in a place where Jewish communities were almost
non-existent.
I decided to share my experience, as I don't find Judaism
more restrictive than my previous life. Reading this thread made me wonder, if
I live in some delusions to think so. For me, there is no conflict between
being Orthodox and studying science. Otherwise, how could there be any Orthodox
doctors? Similarly, I live in a relatively RW area, and nobody ever suggested
that I should get rid of my computer. There is only a suggestion of using an
Internet filter. Of course, I can't marry a non-Jew, but why would I want to
marry a non-Jew? I find the tznius clothing more stylish than current fashion.
I don't want to bore you with more examples. :)
I converted almost 8 years ago, and went through an unhappy
marriage. I had a bad luck to marry an Orthoprax, who was secretly enamored
with a secular life-style. This didn't change my attitude towards religion. It
just made me wonder how many outwardly religious people are not really
religious. For them being religious might be really hard and all about
restrictions. I would even venture to say, that they are so deeply insecure in
their beliefs that they feel the need to impose chumros on themselves and
others as a way to overcompensate for their lack of emunah.
I don't think it's fair to assume that any person deciding
to go through a major life-change is not well-adjusted (=has some emotional
issues). I think it's very dangerous to define the emotional well-being by the
level of adjustment to one's milieu. What if the milieu is decidedly not
healthy? We live in a world where we are privileged to experience unprecedented
level of personal freedom. We are free to choose whatever path we want to
follow. Personally, I think it's more healthy to live according to one's
deepest nature and convictions, than pretend that one is someone else to
conform.
Warning
Once again - please do not consider this post an opportunity
to argue for your beliefs. Those comments will be deleted. Thank you.
