Sunday, March 12, 2017

The Ultimate Segula - Cheap at Any Price!

The Fargrepster Rebbe in his younger years
Eureka, I found it. It’s the real thing.  And just in time for Purim. The solution to the Shidduch crisis. Yes, boys and girls. All you need to do is follow these simple instructions and you will find the man or woman of your dreams.

This Segula has been endorsed by the famous charity, Kupat Ha’ir. And if anyone knows about Segulos, they do. It is based on the Segula of the 18th century Fargrepster Rebbe, Rav G. Gordon of Liadi, Poland… also known as the Baal Mofes of Sicily.  Ever since the Rebbe concocted it, this Segula is known to have saved hundreds of young men and women from a fate worse than death.

If you follow this simple formula, you will be married before you know it. In fact you won’t even know it after it happens. That’s how fast this Segula works. It’s faster than the speed of light.

It involves 5 simple steps.

1) Melt a pound of chicken fat in a pan.
2)  Pour into your back pocket
3) Sit down and relax on either a rock or any hard place
4) Think about the holy Rebbe for exactly 18 minutes (interruption of this thought not recommended)
5) Very Important - send my new Kollel a cashier’s check for $320 (the Gematria of Shoteh)

Trust me. This Segula really works. (Testimonials upon request)

You must be very meticulous in following each of these steps very carefelly. Because if you don’t, you will not only not get married, you will turn into a chicken! Not as a Gilgul (reincarnation) in your next life. But immediately. Yes, that’s right a chicken. (Yikes!)

Checks should be made out to Kollel Shtus V’Hevel and mailed to PO Box 7734 in the Cayman Islands. And if you hurry, you will receive at no extra cost an 8x10 glossy of me holding – you guessed it - a chicken. (Suitable for framing).

Thank you and good luck!