Sex. Now there is a word that usually gets most people’s
attention. It is a big subject that would require volumes to even begin to tackle. But Gil Student’s ‘Daily Reyd’ today has linked two articles on the subject that I believe should be read by everyone.
They reflect a reality that exists in the world today – even in Orthodox Jewish circles. Especially Modern Orthodox ones. The issue is what has come to be known as the sexual revolution.
The advent of an oral contraceptive known as ‘the pill’ in the 60s - heralded in
the era of sexual freedom. While illicit sexual activity has existed since the beginning
of mankind, it was somewhat restrained by the fear of unwanted pregnancy - as
well as a greater sense about the immorality of casual sex. The pill more or less ended the pregnancy concern
while public concern about sexual immorality declined.
That - in
my view - was basically responsible for an explosion of sexual promiscuity of all kinds under
the guise of a more innocuous term, ‘sexual freedom’. People could engage in
that kind behavior without the fear of an unwanted pregnancy getting in the
way. Any questions about the morality of free sex - sex without commitment - was cast aside
with slogans like, ‘If it feels good, do it’. (How well I remember that mantra of
my generation!)
Added to all this is the impact of Hollywood on this phenomenon.
Which contributed mightily to eliminating any guilt at all over casual sex. We
are now living in a time where premarital sex is almost a given. The thinking
now-a-days is: How can you know if you are sexually compatible with the person you
are going to marry if you don’t sample
it before you make a commitment to marriage?!
In his First Things article, Dan Hitchens discusses what the
sexual revolution has evolved into in our day. It isn’t only about the decline
of morality with respect to casual sex between any two consenting adults. It is much worse. To illustrate this. Let us take one example from among many
he cites:
(T)he last decade has seen some acknowledgment that the loosening of sexual mores in the ’60s had its victims. In 2010, a horrifying Der Spiegel article urged the German left to look honestly at its past. “The members of the 1968 movement and their successors,” wrote Jan Fleischhauer and Wiebke Hollersen, “were caught up in a strange obsession about childhood sexuality.” Fashionable kindergarten networks openly discussed whether sex with children should be part of the program.
The influential magazine Kursbuch (circulation: 50,000) printed naked pictures of toddlers, whose sexual activity with adults was described. Daniel Cohn-Bendit, today a prominent E.U. politician, wrote about “five-year-old girls who had already learned to proposition me” and later remarked: “When a little five-year-old girl starts undressing, it’s great, because it’s a game. It’s an incredibly erotic game.”
This kind of thing, says Hitchens, seems to have finally contributed to a
possible turning point.
(A)n influential essay by the philosopher Amia Srinivasan, …rebukes “sex-positive” feminism for its view of liberation. The focus on “free sexual choices,” Srinivasan writes, risks promoting racism, “transphobia,” and “every other oppressive system that makes its way into the bedroom through the seemingly innocuous mechanism of ‘personal preference.’” In liberating sex, the essay frets, we may have accidentally enslaved ourselves.
Hitchens notes that there seems to be somewhat of a decline
in sexual activity among young people today. Perhaps there is a new realization
about the costs. Perhaps. But we are a long way off from returning to a time where
sexual mores meant something more than they do today.
How does all of this impact on Orthodox Jews? It should not
surprise anyone that no matter how sheltered we are, we are affected by the
general culture in which we live. This is true across the entire
Orthodox spectrum. But the segment that is most affected by it, is the one that
is most exposed to it. An article by Dr. Rivka Schwartz,
Associate Principal of SAR – a Modern Orthodox high School in New York - discusses this phenomenon in a New York Jewish Week article.
She admits (and laments) the fact that despite being taught Halachos with respect
to male female interactions, they are practically ignored by the students in her school:
(T)he disconnect between halacha and the lives that they are living can be profoundly religiously alienating for some of our young adults, in a variety of ways. Some are tormented by shame and guilt because of the gulf between what their schools, summer camps or youth groups have taught them and what they are doing, a pain that they carry privately even as they go about their Orthodox lives. Others, seeking to avoid that guilt, leave Orthodox institutions or practice entirely. And broadly, young adults often feel that the religious institutions, teachers, rabbis who have guided them have nothing to say beyond “don’t” when it comes to the issue most pressing to them in their personal and religious lives.
I don’t think it is possible to underestimate the impact of the general culture upon Modern Orthodox young people. The same culture that influences their parents. Dr. Schwartz recommends that
aside from teaching their students about Halochos (which apparently are observed mostly in the breach) the school should require a robust
sex education curriculum so that they are aware of the consequences of illicit sexual activity.
Bearing all this in mind, the question arises about just how much exposure to the
culture should young people be allowed. I think there has to be limits. But I don’t think there
can be – nor should there be - complete separation from the culture. I am absolutely
opposed to any form of isolation. I believe instead of participating in the
culture in this things which are permissible - taking the good and discarding
the bad.
The job of parents and teachers (but mostly parents) is to define those parameters. Who must make clear that certain behaviors of the general
culture that are seen as perfectly acceptable to that culture, are in fact prohibited
by Halacha. The atmosphere of one’s home must reflect the sanctity of Halacha
where disapproval of Halachicly forbidden behavior between the sexes is made absolutely clear.
That is where modern Orthodoxy must begin if they expect
their children to live an observant lifestyle as adults. If as I suspect, some modern Orthodox parents
look the other way when their children violate those Halachos - Dr. Schwartz’s fear about leaving observance
altogether is a very real possible outcome. Without the standards in the home I suggest are necessary, I fear Modern
Orhtodox youth are at far greater risk of going OTD than any other segment.
