Wednesday, December 18, 2024

Fulfillment as a Jewish Woman

Australia’s first Orthodox women’s Torah reading group 35 years ago
Whenever one of those freezing, blizzardy days typical of Chicago winters comes along on a Shabbos, just before I am about to leave the house to walk to Shul, my wife will jokingly sing, ‘Shelo Asani Ish, SheLo Asani Ish”. Which is a humorous but half serious reversal of the Bracha said every day by men, Shelo Asani Isha – thanking God for not making them a woman. Obviously, women do not have to go to Shul.

I have never fully understood why we have to thank God for not being a woman. It implies that it is better to be a man than a woman. Even though one has no choice about which sex they were born. There are a lot of explanations for this Bracha. (Which are beyond the scope of this post.) For me, none of them were fully satisfying. But since it is rabbinically mandated by Halacha, I say it every day.

If one is a 21st century version of a feminist (where full equality for both men and women in every area of life is the current ethos) this Bracha (recited only by men) must be even more troubling.

However, just because I don’t fully understand the implication of this Bracha, that doesn’t mean I think we have to make up female Jewish equity in other ways. Quite the contrary. Judaism is primarily a religion of obligation. Not rights that might bring equity.  While rights are certainly a basic function of Jewish law as it pertains to man’s obligation to his fellow man (Bein Adam L’Chavero), our primary obligation is to serve God. (Our obligation to our fellow man comes under that rubric as well.)

I cannot claim to be a feminist under the current definition. I am what might be called an old-fashioned feminist that believes in full equality in the workplace and mutual respect between the sexes. But when it comes to religious practices, I am a traditionalist. I believe that men and women have the obligation to fulfill the roles defined for them by Jewish law and the tradition of our ancestors.  Altering tradition for purposes of equality is not a Jewish value.

This is nothing new. I’ve said it all before. But I bring it up now because of an article by a woman who identifies as an Orthodox feminist. 

Viva Hammer would not be singing Shelo Asani Ish. She seems to find fulfillment as a Jew mostly by performing acts required only of men. In a tone of what almost seems like jealousy here is some of what she opined in her article:

Even before I could walk, my father had taken me to shul, where I watched men’s prayer coming together so effortlessly, so naturally. Every day, twice a day, a boy waits for his chance to lead, while his sister waits at home. Every day, a boy attends to the performance, ready for the moment when the baton passes to him.

She then proceeds to talk glowingly about how as an adult, she found fulfillment by doing the very same things she saw as a young girl - men do . And became involved with forming a Woman’s Tefillah Group wherein women have a quasi-minyan and do all the things they see men do. A questionable enterprise fraught with Halachic obstacles which - even if overcome - is certainly untraditional.

This was so important to her that she found a way to defy her Holocaust survivor father’s plea not to do it. The Halachic requirement of Kibud Av didn’t seem to mean as much to her as did being fulfilled by breaking the glass ceiling of tradition.

Ms. Hammer also described the reaction to this feminist innovation from  2 Orthodox rabbis:

(A) Hasid who ministered at the shul further down the road and a modern Orthodox graduate of Yeshiva University (each) called and spat abuse at me for several hours. Their irrationality, rudeness, heavy-handedness and inappropriateness made them sound like one bully voice.

I wasn’t there. So, I don’t know exactly what was said. But if her description is accurate, their reaction was wrong. One can express disapproval without ‘irrationality, rudeness, heavy-handedness and inappropriateness’. Nonetheless I agree with their opposition to feminist innovations that veer so strongly away from tradition.

It is troubling that an Orthodox Jewish woman can’t find fulfillment in her role as a woman. God created us both – man and woman - each with our own purpose. 

I know talking about motherhood isn’t fashionable and often brings howls of laughter and derision. But that glorious role is something that a man can never hope to achieve. Even if he decides to violate Halacha and ‘changes’ his sex.

Raising children properly begins in the home and that is orchestrated by the mother.

Properly executing Hilchos Niddah (often referred to as the laws of family purity) is an obligation that only woman can do.  These are obligations. A woman reading from a Torah in a female quasi-minyan’ is not.

Now-a-days a woman also contributes to the family income. This is even truer in the Charedi world where it is likely that a woman provides the bulk of it. And yet women tend to be paid less than men for doing the same thing. That is something that I would strongly support feminists fighting for. But seeking fulfillment in men’s modalities is surely not what God has in mind for His female creations.  It is a fool’s errand to think that God values a woman performing a man’s ’Mitzvah more than He values a woman performing her own. 

I don’t know of a single woman (who does not identity as a feminist) that would have the slightest interest in a Women’s Tefillah Group. I’m not even sure one exists here in Chicago. If it does, it must be at a minuscule level. That it exists at all is a testament to the power and influence of the culture in which we live. 

Most of the women my wife and I both know are Jewishly fulfilled by performing the Mitzvah obligations required of both sexes plus the obligations and traditions that are exclusively their domain. And are surely happy to sing Shelo Asani Ish.