There was a very lengthy series of comments on my post about mixed seating at weddings by a fellow who signed his comments with the initials SBA. It was aimed specifically at Rabbi Rakeffet whose words I pasted into my post. He ended off his comments with the statement I think that Rabbi Rakefet owes a HUGE apology to the entire Charedi communities of NY and Lakewood. I believe this warrants a post of its own. I am not going to make a point by point refutation as that would make this far too long. But I will respond in a general way with the following.
First of all, Rabbi Rakeffet does not owe anyone an apology. He is a major Talmid Chacham who has very strong opinions about what has happened to the Torah world. ...opinions with which I agree. ...opinions with which my Rebbe agreed and opinions with which many Charedim even agree except they do not have the guts to say so publicly. The Yeshivishe world has become so Chumra oriented and so Chasidified as to make the two groups almost indistinguishable from each other.
Rabbi Rakeffet’s severe commentary on the state of the Charedi world was meant as a context more than a criticism. SBA takes offense by Rabbi Rakeffet’s accusation that there exits a recognizable minority (a Miyut HaNikur as Rabbi Rakeffet calls it) of Charedim who visit brothels or have Pilagshim (mistresses). But this has been documented time and again by investigative reporting and there is little dispute about its existence. It was mentioned to show the extent of hypocrisy that goes on. The main point was to highlight the fact that people who sit with their wives and friends at a restaurant and yet insist on sitting separate at a wedding. The fact that Rabbi Rakeffet threw in that some of these people even have girlfriends or mistresses was only meant to emphasize how far that hypocrisy goes because even those people insist on separate seating at weddings.
A perfectly legitimate and beneficial approach to enjoying a Simcha has been cast by the Charedi world into something Krum at best and Assur at worst. Mixed seating at weddings in Europe and even here in the US (until the Chasidim and Hungarians came over post WWII) was common, attended by Gedolei Yisroel who even had mixed seating at their own children’s Chasunos. I am old enough to remember attending Yeshivishe weddings that were mixed back in the sixties. Only a few tables were separate for those mostly Chasidic Rabbanim who preferred it.
SBA points to the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch who Paskins that mixed weddings are Assur. The Kitzur is not my Posek, nor is the Kitzur accepted as Halacha Basra (final authority) of the Lithuanian world. My Posek was Rav Aaron Soloveichik, ZTL. The Yeshiva world would have done well to follow the Mesorah of their forefathers and Gedolei Yisroel of Pre WWII Europe who were clearly not Makpid on sitting mixed at a wedding... instead of chasing the Chumros of Chasidim. So now the "norm" is separate seating and this makes it mandatory? We should not deviate? Why?
When a new “norm” causes harm to Klal Yisroel as Rabbi Rakeffet points out, it needs to change and revert to the Mesorah of the last generation. This is the situation here. If SBA does not wish to sit with his wife, he doesn’t have to. No one is forcing him. If he is invited to a mixed wedding and makes it known to the hosts that he prefers to not sit with his wife, he can be easily accommodated as has always been the case. Just don’t force the rest of Klal Yisroel through group or peer pressure into separating from their wives when Halacha does not demand it.
By chasing Chumros and then claiming it is now the norm which by implication means mixed seating is either Krum or Assur you are in essence forcing, by way of community pressure the vast majority of the Frum world who do not enjoy separate seating into doing so. In my view it is near criminal to prevent quality time with one’s spouse when there is no clear Halachic reason to do so while there is ample precedent to allow it. And it may be even more criminal to prevent potential Shiddach opportunities in this way, especially in light of the current Shiddach crisis in the Yeshiva world. To claim, as does SBA that it is worse in the MO world does not solve anything.
