The recent issue of The Jewish Observer has once again dedicated nearly an entire issue to the problem which has been labeled “Kids at Risk”. This phenomenon has always been around. I remember it going back to my earliest days in elementary school in the fifties. Of course in those days these young people were never called “Kids at Risk”. They were called rotten apples and were expelled, never to be heard from again. The thinking then was: “We aren’t going to spoil the other kids with these few rotten apples who can influence them L’Tarbus Ra. “Arois Mit Zei!” (Out with them!)
But now the problem has not only reached into the Charedi community, it is being described as an epidemic which is spiraling out of control. Various Roshei Yeshivos own kids are now victims of this nasty syndrome. So the Charedi world, after at least 50 years of neglect and allowing kids to drop out or to be “kicked out” ...is now paying serious attention to it. Well, it’s about time. The first serious look happened about six years ago. And the situation has only gotten worse. This, despite private and institutional efforts to deal with the problem, which seems to have had some modest success. The question is, what the cause is and what can be done about it?
But before I get into it... the disclaimer: Dropouts from Torah observance exists in all communities, MO as well as Charedi. I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that. The reasons, however, are worlds apart. I wish to focus on Charedim because they have always been the ones who were always so smug about their way of life as being the most protective of their values and the most successful in the transmission of the Mesorah. But, to be sure the MO dropouts are problematic too.
Let me state clearly that there is no one source or one solution. There are many things that impact on a young person that will make him go off the track... ranging anywhere from changing his Hashkafos, to chucking the Ol Malchus Shamyim, to a life of complete debauchery including illicit sex, drugs, alcohol... the works! ...you name it. It all exists in the Frum community.
In my view the Charedi community’s Hashkafa of “Torah Only” that is so rigid and so demanding of its adherents is the core of the problem. The expectations parents and Mechanchim have from their children is so high that only the best and the brightest (I love that phrase) can ever hope to succeed. Yet everyone is put through the same wringer. Those who DO succeed are rewarded both internally with the satisfaction of accomplishement, and externally by the Charedi society that bred them. Still, others though not succeeding at the greatest heights can never-the-less carry on relatively normal lives and just feel a bit like second class citizens.
But there is an all too significant and growing minority that "just can’t take it anymore", and are dropping out. Charedi Hashkafa that is so narrow and so exclusionist has little tolerance for failure. It has little if any outlets for an individual to express their innate potential. It is all about “Learning, Learning, Learning” as Rav Schach used to say. Any other activity is looked down upon. Rav Schach made it clear time and again that learning Torah full time is the only thing a young person should do. He condemned any and all possible educational venues that didn’t have learning Torah as its exclusive activity. There is a tiny bit more tolerance in the US than in Israel but there has been a definite trend in the direction of Rav Schach’s point of view.
Is it any wonder that a young person who might, for example, have a talent for art and who loves to draw has no possible outlet and is actively discouraged, being told that it is Battalah, and no where to go to develop that talent... Is it any wonder that they might easily become turned off? Of course! ...some of young people who have these talents and special aptitudes denied, are going to become dropouts. If a young person is not educated towards his own talents and aptitudes and instead is constantly harangued by his Rebbeim, his peers and his parents about the value of exclusively learning Torah... he will become stifled and depressed. He can, and often will, be rejected by his family, his Rabbeim and his peers, if not overtly than latently through subliminal messages transmitted in various ways that these young people will pick up. With such little approval for anything other than Torah learning as the essential Hashkafa, I’m surprised the situation isn’t even worse than it is.
There has finally been some recognition of the problem by Charedi leadership. The common thread I saw in many articles on the subject was “Chanoch L’Naar Al Pi Darko”. There has finally been a recognition that each child has his or her own talents, aptitudes, intelligence levels, and personalities and every person deserves an outlet and encouragement to be who they are... instead of being who they are told to be. In a surprising admission by one (or more) of their writers, the oft blamed villain of popular culture was not identified as the cause this time. It was more correctly identified as the facilitator. Of course they still lambaste all of the things they always have, (TV, popular music, the internet, etc.) But they now seem to realize that those items are merely the vehicles, and not the cause for their child’s frustrations and escape. And so, too, are drugs, alcohol, and illicit sex.
The solution is... as they say: Chanoch L’Naar Al Pi Darko. They must have a sea change in their approach to Torah Judaism and its Chinuch. Charedi parents must be encouraged to allow their children to be who they ARE... and not who they, their Roshei Yeshiva, or their peer groups want them to be. They must provide schools and an atmosphere for acceptance of different choices for their children besides Torah Only. This means they must adopt a form of TIDE or TuM as an acceptable Hashkafa along with Torah Only. If they don’t they will never solve the problem. The Jewish Observer of course did not put it that way. But if one reads between the lines, one will see that this is precisely what they are advocating. The question remains, will they finally do the right thing and accept other Hashkafos as legitimate ...even IF it is only to save their own children? We’ll see.
