In commentary to my last post the subject of my son, HaRav Meyer Maryles, came up. I mentioned in the context of Chinuch that my son had been given options and that in part because of that he has been able to achieve greatness in Torah learning. Now many people might accuse me of bias in the shameless way I talk about my son. And they might be right. Perhaps I am a bit shameless and perhaps I do sound like a doting father bragging about his son’s accomplishments. In fact I am bragging about him.
:)
But I speak the truth. This is about as good a time as any to tell his story.
My son is a unique individual. He currently is on the faculty of Yeshivas Mir as a Shoel U’Meshiv in the new Beis HaMedrash which houses 3 to 4 hundred Bachurim. His schedule allows him to learn all of morning Seder. In the afternoons he and a fellow Avreich are in charge of those Bachurim. He has also written and published a Sefer on Taharas HaMishpacha that has been very well received. Over 750 copies being distributed in Israel and in the US. He is the Rosh Kollel at a night Kollel (in its third year, I believe) in Ramat Bet Shemesh at the Gra’s Shul. He also gives a Gemarah Shiur in English to Baalei Battim every Motzoei Shabbos.
Many people have asked me why my son has become Charedi and rebelled from the Centrist Hashkafa that he was raised. The fact that he learned full time in Yeshivas Mir for over twelve years certainly seems to testify to that fact. But it is not so ...at least not entirely. My son's Hashkafos are not that different from mine. True he is Charedi. But he and I share much the same views on Judaism. We differ slightly in some of the obvious areas of dispute between Charedim and Centrists but our views and attitudes are not really that dissimilar.
I have encouraged him in his present path ever since I became aware of that uniqueness. He has that rare quality of being quite brilliant and having tremendous Hasmada. He "lives" to "know". The result is that he does! He is a Baki in just about every Mesechta that he has ever learned: Gemmarah, Rashi, Tosphos, Rishoinm, and many Achronim. I do not exaggerate. If you ever meet my son and you tell him the Mesechta you are learning and Daf you are on he can probably tell you what the Sugya is about. And who holds which Shitta.
Brilliance and Hasmada. It is rare to find both in most people. Usually they are bright but do not necessarily have the stamina to sit and learn for hours on end. Or maybe they have the stamina but are not quite on the intellectual level to succeed at the lofty levels expected of Gedolei Torah. In some cases where an individual has both qualities, the opportunities are limited by Parnassa concerns or by family situations that do not allow for full time learning for more than a few years. In still other cases where both qualities exist, there might be other material considerations such as living a certain minimal standard of life that requires one leave full time Torah study and work. There are many circumstances that prevent an individual for achieving greatness in Torah, most having to do with either the lack of requisite genius or lack of requisite Hasmadah... but additionally may include any number of factors.
Those brilliant students who look for rich father-in-laws so that they can continue learning do not have what it takes to become Gedolim, IMO. They are interested in the Gashmius side too much. I don't care if they are brilliant and are learning with tremendous diligence for hours at a time. They still require a certain level of comfort in order to do that without which might be discouraged from continuing in this path.
My son did not look for a rich father in law. He looked far a Bas Talmid Chacham. He was set up with a very nice young lady when he was dating whose father was a very successful physician, a neuro-surgeon, who wanted a son-in-law that he could support. He went out with her but that potential support did not on any way influence his choice. He ended up marrying the daughter of a well known Mechanech who now has one of the most successful seminaries in Israel. What he was looking for (aside from the obvious compatibility factors) was a woman who would support his learning goals unconditionally without any consideration for material goals. That’s what he got in her.
My son has absolutely no material goals what-so-ever. His only material considerations are to provide for the well being of his family... a roof over their head, food on the table, clothes on their backs. He has no car and buys only furniture that he needs. And he has continued gratitude to his wife for allowing him to continue learning full time in Yeshivas Mir at age 35.
His daily schedule begins with a 6:00AM Shachris in RBS, and ends after the 11:00PM Maariv. He does this every day without fail and he is fully supported by his wife.
Their income is primarily from his wife's position at her father's seminary, his own contributions to that seminary (he writes Halacha tests and grades them) and his paycheck from Mir and the night Kollel.
My son did not "rebel". He simply followed his natural inclination which is the very basis of my view on how Jewish education should be implemented. He was given every opportunity to choose any life he wanted. He was given the opportunity to attend Northwestern University on an Academic scholarship. He turned it down so that he could spend his days learning in the HTC Beis HaMedrash. He opted instead to get his BA at a small college, Northeastern Illinois University. He graduated 4.0 and took his LSAT just in case he couldn't "make it" in learning. He did all this voluntarily.
That he is now very Charedi in lifestyle is simply a natural evolution of where he has been and who he has associated with for the last thirteen years in the Mir environment. It is also a function of his own evolution in how he sees the world. He not only learns Gemmarah and Halacha but Mussar as well. He is a "Work in Progress" constantly refining himself and overcoming some of his natural tendencies (he is somewhat of a Kanoi). He has no patience for Battalah of any kind nor does he ever listen to or repeat anything that could be considered Lashon Hara. He does not waste a minute! He is well respected and even admired by his peers... all members of the community including the non-Charedi ones... his Roshei Yeshiva as well as community Rabbanim in RBS.
When it came time to build the Eruv HaMehudar in RBS, the Rabbanim in RBS chose him to do it. And he did. I believe that he has only scratched the surface of his ultimate potential.
To say the least, I am obviously very proud. And my Bracha to everyone in Klal Yisroel is to have children who find and succeed in their Tafkid in life... the way my son has in his.
