In yet another Areivim thread (I love Areivim) there is a discussion about the propriety of calling women (non family members) by their first names.
I found it interesting that a poster there claimed that many feminists strongly dislike the idea of women being called by their first names especially when it comes to work relationships. Though it is a step up from "honey" or "sweetheart" using the more formal Mrs. or Miss or Ms. plus the last name (e.g. Mrs. Smith) is the more preferred way of being addressed.
I’m not quite sure how true that is but it is true that this approach to addressing women is brought down in Seforim. Although I do not believe it is brought down as Halacha L’Maasah, those Seforim say that it is a too familiar way to interact with them which can lead to... let's say mixed dancing.
I know people who practice this habit. They are people whom I greatly admire and respect. And I can understand the Chumra. It is one more “fence” in protecting ourselves from Issurei Erva. But in my case, I find it truly odd considering the culture we find ourselves in. In our day, calling a woman by her first name is hardly an enticement. Our less formal culture certainly wouldn't consider the friendly gesture of calling an individual by their first name as means of expressing an unwanted sexual reference. In no way is does it indicate that your Libah is Gas Bah. (i.e. that you have a sexual attraction to her). It is just common parlance.
My own practice is to call people… men and women… by their formal names until I become friends with them. Once we are close friends it doesn't make any sense to call a couple by anything other than their first names. For example take my friends the Feders. I can't call my close friend Larry by his first name and turn around and call his wife, Elizabeth, Mrs. Feder. It would be awkward beyond words, in our culture… in this day and age.
One of my pet peeves is the current trend amongst some of the more Charedi Klei Kodesh to use the word "lady" or "ladies" instead of "woman" or "women". Frankly when I hear it I cringe. I have been told that the reason for this new practice is that the word “lady” is a more refined way of referring to a woman… and that the word woman is just plain course with possible sexual or degrading overtones. I never thought of those words in that way until I was told this.
This, it seems to me is a prime example of the “Chumra of the month club” mentality. And it is quite a ridiculous approach. Is a “woman of valor” lowlier than a “lady of the evening”? Isn’t context important? Is it more dignified to say something like: “ladies of valor” instead of “women of valor”? There is an appropriate time to use the word woman and an appropriate time to use the word lady, just like there is an appropriate time to use the word “man” and an appropriate time to use the word “gentleman”. Sometimes there is overlap. But all too often I hear what I consider to be a mangling of the English language by an overly PC emphasis on terminology. Are there really any women out there who object to being called a woman? ...and who would prefer being called a lady no matter how awkward it sounds? I hope not.
