A Secular Child in Every Family

There is something happening in the Torah world that has perhaps gone somewhat unnoticed. Well, not unnoticed entirely but certainly swept under the carpet a bit at least in terms of the sheer number of families it affects.

Last Sunday I attended a wedding of a Lubavitcher Chasid. As is usually the case with ultra Orthodox type families, he had many siblings. During the family pictures I noticed one of his siblings was married and clean shaven. His wife did not cover her hair. Yet they were an integral part of the family. You could see that there was no rejection of this child at all, the love between parent and child was there in full.

I do not know how it happened that one child so drastically dropped the signature Chabad Minhag of growing a full beard, shaving to a clean cut look. Nor am I even sure what the level of observance is. But there he was an integral part of the family.

And he is not the only one I’ve seen like that. I know a few Lubavitchers like that. Some minimally Frum and others not Frum at all. I’ve observed it more and more with the passing of time amongst Chasidim and non Chasidic Charedim as well.

There has been much written about “kids at risk’. I certainly have done my share. But I’m not entirely sure all these children can be classified in the ‘at risk’ category. Especially when they maintain thier Yiddishkeit, albeit outside the norms of their own families.

Many of the things I talk about here seem to me contributory to this phenomenon. In some cases ignoring or mishandling serious questions of faith is the precipitating factor. Not every child will be satisfied with a question of faith being brushed off and will begin to investigate things on his own without any proper any proper Hashkafic guidance.

Other contributory factors are: the over-emphasis on learning Gemarah, the disparaging of studying anything else besides that, the belittling of any one outside their circles as lesser human beings, the lack of any outlets from the religious pressures on their lives … and it all adds up. Not every child is cut out for the lifestyle of a saint.

Yet this is the role model constantly thrust at them. This is the ideal they are expected to emulate. And in the vast majority of cases they never reach those goals. Only the best and the brightest that have been able to buy into those Hashkafos ever make it to a good and productive life by adopting fully the full time learning values of the non-Chasidic world of Charedim. Only the most sheltered of Chasidic children will completely buy into the Hashkafos and lifestyles of their parents.

The rest, either just settle on being less than 'par' and in some cases practice their Judaism accordingly. But in some cases they just drop, out giving up on religion all together. And often it is accompanied with the very steep price of tremendous guilt. Those are probably the ones who end up doing drugs. Drugs enable them to escape from the reality of being considered failures by their communities and therefore by themselves.

But what I now believe is now more and more the case, is that children are just opting out of what they perceive as the extremism of their parents version of Judaism but are actually still Shomer Mitzvos.

But I don’t really want to dwell on how or why they became that way. My point here is to wonder just how vast this phenomenon really is and think about how we treat these children once that have rebelled, whether all the way or partially. Perhaps in all cases we should think and act differently.

In cases where children are basically still observant, maybe there should just be an acceptance of reality and the willingness to continue the relationship in its new incarnation …not necesarily in the hope that they will ‘come around’ but in the sense that they are at least observant, but just not Lubavitch …or Charedi … or Chasidish … or whatever brand of Yiddishkeit their families adhere to. One can still hope in thir hearts that they will come around and accept the family Mesorah at some point, but that should be kept to themselves and the emphasis should be on the ‘good’ that is, not on the ‘better’ that could be.

Not all children who drop out become drug addled sex addicts. Some simply want out of the highly structured and prohibitive lifestyles that their parents have chosen for them which far too often includes a lifetime of poverty.

Am I observing this phenomenon through my own prejudices? Maybe, but I’m not the only one. There is a fascinating article on Proffesor Menachem Firiedman in Ha’aretz that touches on many aspects of his work. On this issue:

Friedman believes the financial collapse will also alter the religious character of ultra-Orthodox society. The mere necessity of entering the labor market will make the ultra-Orthodox increasingly resemble the religious Zionists: less separatism, and with a much higher percentage of people becoming nonreligious, something like "a secular child in every family."

I think this is a valid observation.

Obviously when a child drops religious observance, that is not a good thing. But what about just dropping Charedism? Or Chasidism? Or Chabad? In my view when any child who does not buy into his parents or his community's Hashkafos but is willing to remain observant, then his parents have to be thankful. Parental acceptance or perhaps even encouragement is the key to successful transitions from one religious environment into another. Because when there is strong resistance or opposition the rebellion can go much further.

It wouldn’t surprise me that the children I see that have rejected their parents Hashkafos yet are still warmly welcomed into the family are still religious because of it.

I realize the problems are a lot more complex than what I have suggested. But I also think this is a fair partial analysis.

A word about Modern Orthodox dropouts. In these cases, dropouts always mean leaving observance completely. This is a major problem too. I’ve seen it. But it s a much more silent problem. I suppose this is in part the case because the more secular lifestyle a family leads, the easier it is to accept a child leaving the fold, and in fact it isn’t that noticeable on the surface.

And considering that many in Modern Orthodoxy are MO-Lite and have not benefitted from the more intensive religious education in other Orthodox segments of Jewry. As such they may not understand the significance of that loss to their children. They may instead just look at the secular successes and be proud of that… while paying lip service in lamenting their children’s dropping observance.

And it isn’t too had to understand that a child who comes from a household that is lite on observance can so easily slip away from Yiddishkeit. The anguish of MO Lite parents, therefore, is just not that apparent, if it is there at all.

Just to be clear, I say this only about many but certainly not all MO Lites. There are also many MO lites who are indeed grieved when it happens to them. And obviously a serious Centrist would feel the same pain as a serious Charedi or Chasid would.

Not Again!

Here we go again. Looks like there going to be trouble in River City. With a capital T. Or should I say capital “G”.

June 21st is the day a Gay Pride Parade is supposed to take place in Jerusalem. This is of course not the first time this has happened. Jerusalem has had Gay Pride parades every year since 2002. But last year a massive world wide parade was protested violently and the parade was canceled. Instead a rally was held in a nearby stadium. But this year they are trying again. There are two attempts going on to try and prevent this. One attempt is an amendment to an existing law proposed by a religious MK which“would authorize the Jerusalem city council to ban any marches and demonstrations due if they are deemed likely to cause public disorder or offend the residents, as well as for religious reasons.”

Another attempt is a planned major demonstration by the Edah HaCharedis. I hope they change their minds. The violence that will result will most certainly not advance their cause. It will only generate sympathy for the homosexual participants. And the Edah will be seen as a primitive religious body ala the Taliban. Instead of threatening violence, the Edah should instead work with the religious Kenesset members to assure passage of the amendment. In a democratic society the representatives of the people should be allowed to do their job.

And it is indeed a legitimate exercise of democracy to ban such parades. Freedom of speech is a major tenet of a democracy. A parade down a major thoroughfare is a legitimate expression of that right. But so too is it the right in a democracy for its citizenry to determine community standards. And when one groups rights conflict with another it is up to the elected representatives to balance the rights of one group against the other and legislate responsibly. This is what this amendment does.

Jerusalem’s special character demands that religious sensibilities be respected. Violating those sensibilities by a parade like this will certainly generate violence. And protecting the populace from the injury that could result is just as important to a democracy as is freedom of speech. The insult to the religious sensibilities of all three major faiths residing in Jerusalem that this parade would incur will most certainly generate violence and injury. And that justifies a limitation on the of freedom of speech no less than does a ban against yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater.

The Edah HaCharedis seems to be unconcerned with the violence that can result from a clash of protesters. Here is what the Edah had to say: "If they insist on flaunting themselves we will be forced to come out in force against them,"

I understand the visceral feelings involved. But why must violence be the answer? The Gerrer Rebbe has it right here. His approach is the sensible one. Not Rabbi Moshe Strernbuch and his Edah. The Gerrer Rebbe has advised his Chasidim to ignore the parade if it happens. The Edah after considering this approach, rejected it.

If there is a clash, who knows what will happen. It is a lose/lose situation. Nobody wins if people get hurt. Ask Yishai Schlissel, from Kiryat Sefer. In one such protest Mr. Schlissel “acted”. And the results were that he was “convicted of attempted murder for stabbing and lightly-to-moderately wounding three parade participants.” How did he win? How did his family win? Did he prevent anything? No. He just tried to commit murder. And he’s paying a heavy price for his zealotry.

As I’ve said in the past. I have nothing but sympathy for the plight of people who are naturally attracted to members of the same sex. And I do not have a prejudiced bone in my body against them. I welcome them into my home and into my life. An individual’s sexual preferences do not concern me. One cannot help what one is attracted to. But one can help what he does about it. And that’s the difference between what is right and wrong about our attitudes with respect to homosexuals.

Unfortunately there is often a visceral reaction to gay behavior which transfers to the homosexual individuals themselves, even when they do not act on those urges. The Torah calls it a Toevah. That word best translates to a disgusting act. But to someone who is attracted to members of the same sex. It is another story. They do not see it that way. But as observant Jews they understand that the Torah forbids acting on those forbidden desires just as it forbids a heterosexual to act on his or her forbidden desires. Some of which have the same death penalty attached as the homosexual acts. It’s all about serving God and doing His will. Where we stand sexually doesn’t really matter.

This is why I so strongly object to a campaign by Israel’s Ministry of Tourism. They are embarking on an advertising campaign to attract practicing homosexuals to visit Israel. The image in an advertisement of two men wearing Kipot about to kiss in an obviously sexual manner with Jerusalem in the background is beyond disgusting. Not because of the Taavah… the desire… to act on illicit feelings, but because they are about to engage in illicit acts.

This is not about tolerance of one’s sexuality. This about tolerating the lifestyle.It is about normalizing and even glorifying it. And it’s wrong. I understand the ministry of tourism’s desire to increase the number of tourists. That is after all one of Israel’s main economic staples. But this is not the way to do it. Israel is not called the holy land for nothing. Israel cannot advertise the Kotel as the holiest site in Israel and in the same breath beckon gay tourists to come and do their thing there. It is the height of hypocrisy. It is a contradiction to every thing holy that Israel stands for. And this campaign ought to stop. It would behoove every citizen in Israel who cares about ithe sanctity of the land to make it known how they feel to their elected representatives in the Knesset. The Kenesset has the power to stop it. And as the duly elected representative body in a democracy they should follow the will of the people, no matter what their own personal views are.

Our Pride, Our Shame

There is much to be proud of in the Torah world of Charedim in Israel. I usually point out the flaws and this post will be no exception. But there is plenty to praise. Certainly the depth and scope of Limud HaTorah there is unparalleled anywhere in the world. I think I can say with a fair amount of certainty that more people in Israel, both in numbers and as a percentage of the whole learn Torah in depth than anywhere else. And the praise does not stop with just learning Torah. The acts of Chesed are a staple there. It is ingrained into the fabric of their existence.

In an op-ed in the Jerusalem Post (pointed out to me by Dr. Hall) we can indeed see some of the positive aspects of the Charedi community there. In describing his recent Shavuos experience the Frum writer of the article says:

“It was a wonderful Shavuot. Our 11-year-old daughter walked to the Western Wall for the first time, we delighted in the throngs who gathered at the site and made us really feel a part of Klal Yisrael, and we made use of the extensive hospitality offered by the haredi community to those making aliya baregel (pilgrimage). Indeed, we were struck again by the extent of the refreshments and other items offered along the way to both observant and secular walkers passing along the capital's Rehov Shmuel Hanavi.”

I too have felt this type of warmth and hospitality when I have visited Israel. The Charedi community of Ramat Bet Shemesh in Israel is as hospitable to me as any I’ve ever been in. The residents there, almost to a fault treat me with the utmost of respect and love that one would expect from the people who are advised: VeAhavta L’Reacha Kamocha. I can indeed feel it in the air of Ramat Bet Shemesh. My Kipah Seruga is no impediment to their hospitality.

Now it is true that many of them realize that I am the father of one of their more respected Charedi members, but I really believe it goes beyond getting Kavod for just being someone’s father. I see it in Shul. I see it from the neighbors, from the store keepers and just about everyone else I meet there. In fact when I first heard about some of the violent excesses in that community, I was surprised, even shocked. In each case, whether it was trying to boycott Rabbi Slifkin’s Shiurim, or the disruprtion of a Lag B’Omer concert because the seating was family style and not separate… I couldn’t believe that this was the same community that has been and continues to be so kind to me.

But as the article suggests, there are two kinds of Charedi worlds. One is the kind that I have had personal encounters with and admire. The other is the type that stones cars driving by with Israeli flags on their cars on Yom Ha’atzmaut. While I believe it is a small percentage of the whole that do things like that, it happens far too often for it to be chalked up to mere fringe element of hooligans.

Typically the comment I get from defenders of the Charedi community is that every society has its ‘bad apples’ including Charedim. True enough. But when that happens in the Torah world it is a far more significant event. That’s because then it isn’t just a bunch of criminals. It is a bunch of Charedi criminals. The word Charedi attached to criminals makes this kind of behavior a major Chilul HaShem. Because they, more than anyone else, are identified as the religious Jews, people who are the most observant of the laws if the Torah… the Frummest among Israel.

If the Torah world’s Frummest Jews can, with such regularity produce people who would otherwise be written off as criminals, it makes the Torah itself look bad. As this latest episode shows they continue to pop up from time to time. Here is what happened just after the conclusion of Shevuos on the very same Shmuel Hanavi street, as described by the very same writer of this article who was one of the victims:

"A rock thrown at our car while we drove to work down a street in a haredi neighborhood - already a good 20 minutes after the holiday had ended - smashed our side window. It had been thrown by small children who, the previous Saturday night, had attempted to damage our car with a rope strung across the very same street."

"Astonishingly, a colleague of ours reported a similar attempt with a rope on his car earlier that same Saturday night. He'd been less fortunate, his vehicle actually "bouncing off" the dangerous trap laid on Rehov Yirmiyahu, one of its tires punctured."

"As the last glass shards tinkled out of our car, we shook our heads in disbelief, thanked the heavens that we had not been hurt, and drove away from the scene."

I’m sure that Charedi leaders of communities where those hooligans operate have condemned these acts as they have in the past. But these condemnations have as of yet not produced the desired results of preventing this type of Chilul Hashem from happening… again and again. These condemnations seem to fall on deaf ears.

I think one of the reasons for that is the attitude so often expressed by the rabbinic leadership about the lifestyles of the secular world. There is no shortage of harsh words and condemnation for our brothers and sisters who lead a secular lifestyle... far more often and far more sincerely than the condemnations of violent acts like the ones described in this article, which usually come only after an incident.

The not so subtle message to these young people is that preventing disturbances in the lifestyles of the Frum on Shabbos or Yom Tov in their own neighborhoods is a far more important thing then condemning the stoning of a passing car who dared to violate the solemnity of that day, or the spraying of bleach on the clothing of female passersby.

The result is a Chilul HaShem which generates and perpetuates a negative stereotype of what a Torah Jew is like and causes hatred of the Torah Jew and by association, the Torah itself. All the acts of kindness in that community done by the vast majority of good people there are overshadowed by this kind of behavior.

This behavior didn’t start yesterday. It has been going on for many decades. And as reported in this article it’s still happening. Dangerously so!

What will be the Rabbinic leadership response be? Will they consider it as important as the Tznius standards of woman’s clothing? Is Chilul Hashem of secondary importance to relatively minor Tznius violations in the Charedi world that generated a special Beis din of respected haredi Rabbanim? Will they convene a meeting of similar urgency to consider how to stop this behavior from ever happening again? I doubt it. But, you never know. I may yet be pleasantly surprised.

The Mishmar HaTorah Beis Din

Well, it’s official. There is now a Beis Din in Israel that will determine what kinds of clothing woman are allowed to wear.

According to an article in the Yated, various Rabanim have been appointed to a new Beis Din. They will set guidelines to determine what kind of clothing women can wear. No more doubts. No more guessing. Just abide by the new guidelines.

What does the Shulchan Aruch tell us? It doesn’t matter. We can’t decide matters of such great import on our meager understanding of the parameters of Tznius or the Halachos of Erva. Nope. The Halachos have been abused, misinterpreted, or misunderstood long enough. From now on Tznius standards will be standardized and universal as determined by these Rabbanim. Anyone who decides for Tznius for themselves, even if it is well within Halachic limits, will be considered outside the pale.

How wonderful to carry on the traditions of the Gedolim of Yester-year… I remember well when mini-skirts were all the rage in the late sixties. The response then, as is the response now, was to set up a Beis Din. Rav Moshe, Rav Hutner, Rav Shneur Kotler, Rav Gifter, Rav Yaakov and many others… all got together and appointed a Beis din when the hemlines on women’s clothing started going up.

We of that generation were spared the difficulty of deciding how long hemlines had to be. The Beis Din made it easy for us. The times required that extraordinary measure. There was no such thing then as varying lengths of dresses or skirts. Almost all women’s clothing was above the knee in those days… way above the knee… and most of the fashionable women’s clothing was pretty tight fitting. Just about every female Beis Yaakov high school student started to wear their skirts with those hemlines. My wife tells me that it was really difficult to find any women’s clothing that didn’t violate Tznius or even Erva.

The Gedolim saw it happening and they acted immediately. It was an Eis Laasos. Then, just as now, they responded with a ‘Mishmar HaTorah Beis Din’. Rav Moshe, Rav Yaakov and other Gedolim weren’t going to allow our daughters, who were ‘uninformed or inattentive [regarding these matters] and dressed in a manner not in keeping with the ways of modesty according to halochoh’ …to continue choosing their own clothes. No way!

Back in the sixties, when my wife was in Beis Yaakov of Detroit, every single female student in her class had to get that Beis Din’s seal of approval. That’s how it was then. I’m sure all female baby-boomers can recall their own experiences with these Battei Din and can share them with us. The result was that skirt lengths were all well below the knee. If memory serves, I have the pictures to prove it. (True, I haven’t looked at those old photos in a while but I think they prove it. They must!)

What’s that? No one recalls any such Beis Din? You say your pictures prove otherwise? How can that be?! I remember clearly. I think… my memory may be playing tricks on me…it’s been about 40 years. But I’m sure I’m right. There must have been such Battei Din. How could there not be? Would a Rav Moshe not step up to the plate the same way today’s rabbinic leadership in Israel has? Of course he would have. Rav Moshe as well as the other Gedolim of that era would certainly not have shirked their duty to take these measures.

Ahhh… those Battei Din. How great they were! They took care of anything to do with Tznius. They prevented mixed seating at weddings and did not allow any woman not covering her hair to be admitted to a Simcha. No one wearing any shade of red was permitted in. Women’s clothing had to be loose fitting. Any guest showing up wearing a dress that had any kind of shape to it… no good! They were sent home. I remember one incident of a mother being very upset by that. Not only was she not wearing a tent, she demanded sitting with her husband and her son, the Chasan. What a Chutzpah! The wedding went on without her, of course. (Halacha does not require the mother’s presence at the wedding of her child.) Another mother forgot to buy stockings with visible seams in them. Poor lady. I guess both those two mothers just made do with their photo album. Better than nothing I guess.

Those Battei Din held that Tznius rules needed to be universal. The lowest common denominator was the standard. If I recall correctly the standard of dress used was decided by the Satmar Rebbe. In order to be fair no exceptions or compromises were made. How great those days of old were! And now, in Israel they’re back.

Perhaps, as a means of enforcement they will have the holy Tznius brigades that have been found in locales like Meah Shearim and Bnei Brak. For those who don’t remember, these are groups of motivated Charedi citizens who have taken it upon themselves to spray bleach the clothing of Tznius violators as they pass them in the streets. And for those store owners who dare to carry uncertified merchandize, perhaps the highly motivated ‘lighter fluid and match’ swat team will be willing to contribute their expertise to the cause. Ma Tovu Ma N’aaim. Finally! …the daughters of Israel can be protected from evil and our men will be spared from ‘looking’ at their Etzbaos Ketanos. (I’m sure the new Tznius guidelines will include covering the female pinky finger).

I can’t wait until this phenomenon comes back to America. We need that kind of guidance back in our lives now more than ever.

For Sale: Segulos for Yeshuous

I received several e-mails about the subject of hawking Segulos for charity. One of them forwarded the following article by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz. It was written almost a year ago.

In another e-mail I was also sent a published Macha’ah by Rav Elyashiv against using Segulos as a method of fundraising for Tzedakos. It was published around Lag B’Omer and was specifically about the 'red bendel'. He sends essentially the same message as I do. I consider Rav Elyashiv to be a Gadol, as I'm sure would many other people.

He in essence refers to Segulos such as a Red Bendel as “Devarim B’Tailim” , i.e. useless! And he further says that if a charity hawks such products, as a method for collecting Tzedaka, better to give your Tzedaka to another charity. I happen to agree with him on this issue. As for the article, aside from the fact that it has a bit more of a respectful tone it bears an uncanny resemblance to my earlier post on the subject.

Here now, the article:

My parents were childless for the first ten years of their married life. Naturally, their joy was boundless when they were blessed with the birth of my older sister thirteen months before I was born. Their family members, friends and neighbors shared in their boundless celebration. (See Rashi’s commentary to Bereshis 21:6.)

My mother related to me how touched she was by the many people who informed her that they had said Tehillim for her, dedicated mitzvah observance on her behalf, or had asked gedolim to daven that my father, a”h, and she, ylc”t, merit the birth of a child. While my parents were appreciative beyond words of all ma’asim tovim and tefillos dedicated on their behalf, and we firmly believe that every sincere prayer is accepted by Hashem, it would quite obviously be impossible to declare with any certainty that any particular tefillah, segullah, or brachah is to be “credited” for my sister’s birth.

More and more charity ads are hawking yeshuos (miraculous salvations) to prompt people to give tzedaka – as opposed to (or in addition to) making a thoughtful case for why this particular charity is worthy of your support.

There are those in our diverse communities who attach great significance to segullos and/or yeshuos. Others take the “Tomim tehiyeh im Hashem Elokecha” (Devarim 18:13, see Rashi) approach and do not attach much meaning to segullos/yeshuos. Further along the continuum, there are those who are put off by the notion of segullos/yeshuos and feel that they are presented as “shortcuts” leading to instant acceptance of prayers.

These are substantive and diverse outlooks and philosophies, and are well beyond the scope of this (article). With that in mind, we ought to respect each other’s approaches to this matter. However, in the public arena, I strongly feel that advertisements should be making the case for why particular charities are worthy of the reader’s donation – without engaging in “marketing” segullos or yeshuos.

Desperate Measures

Then there is the issue of the propriety of charity ads appealing to the vulnerability of people who are, sadly, suffering through a challenging time in their lives. I feel that it is highly inappropriate for people who are desperate for children or shidduchim, or have relatives who are seriously ill, to be “pitched” for charity-giving in a manner that conveys the message that they are almost guaranteed a yeshuah if they contribute to a particular charity.

A few months ago, I received an e-mail from an individual who lives in Baltimore, Maryland. This man and his wife were childless for a number of years in the 1980’s. They traveled to Eretz Yisrael during this challenging period in their lives, and went to Bnei Brak to request a bracha from Maran HaRav Eliezer Shach, zt”l. Rav Shach told them that when they return home, they should visit a local yeshiva and arrange to pay for the full tuition of a needy child in their community. Rav Shach informed them that they should express in their tefillos that just as they paid for the tuition of one of Hashem’s children, they ask to be merited the zechus of paying for the tuition of their own children. They did just that, and they were blessed with a child within a short period of time.

Now, imagine what your reaction would be if a yeshiva in Baltimore were to relate that story in a series of full-page ads with screaming headlines reading: “Segulla For Children! Pay for the tuition of a child in our yeshiva!”

There are so many wonderful and diverse charities in our community, each of them worthy of communal support; Tomchei Shabbos, Bikur Cholim, etc. It is the responsibility of those in the leadership of the charities to make the case – in ads, flyers, and personal solicitations – as to why donors should contribute to them. It is certainly appropriate to present footnoted, universally accepted ma’amorei chazal (words of our sages) – such as a verse from Tanach, a quote from a Gemara, or the commentary of Rashi – supporting the themes of the charity in a way that presents a logical thread to the reader.

Four for Four

Take the example of one of the many tzedakos that solicit funds to assist needy Jews with Yom Tov expenditures. There are so many beautiful ma’amorei chazal that could be the theme of ads supporting this charity – without resorting to hawking yeshuos.

Here is just one:

When describing the Yom Tov festivities, The Torah (Devarim 16:11) states, “You should rejoice before Hashem; you, your son, your daughter, your slave and your maidservant … the Levi, the convert, the widow and the orphan.”

There is a touching and poignant Rashi that so beautifully conveys the theme of assisting those in need with their holiday expenses. Commenting on the verse noted above, Rashi points out that the Torah includes eight categories of people who ought to be included in the happiness of our holidays. Four are members of one’s household – the children and the members of one’s staff. The other four listed in the Torah are those who may not have the resources or the safety net of familial support to defray the considerable expenses associated with Yom Tov – the Levi, the convert, the widow and the orphan.

Rashi (Devarim 16:11), quotes two midrashim and states that Hashem says, “Your four (the members of your household) correspond to My four (those who may be in need). If you gladden the hearts of My four, I will gladden the hearts of your four.”

Here you have a clear, unequivocal assurance that Hashem will materially benefit those who support needy Yidden before Yom Tov – from Rashi, the “Father of our Commentators.” There is also a logical and emotional connection between the mitzvah and its reward.

How’s that for a marketing theme?

Updated: 5/27/07 4:25 CDT

Having Trouble Conceiving? Send Me Your Money

Just when I think things cannot get any worse in the arena of collecting Tzedaka, I get a 16 page full color brochure from Kupat Ha’ir with a very unique ‘pitch’. Why should this bother me anymore than the last one? Because this one truly hits below the belt. This one is selling Segulos to those young couples who are having fertility problems. A Segula is an act designed to get a specific desired result that is requested of God. By taking the steps exactly as outlined in the instructions, God will answer your prayers in the hoped for way.

Here is the Segula as designed by Rav Chaim Falagi, the Chernobyl Rebbe for childless couples:

Set aside 91 Perutos (a Perutah is a Talmudic term used to denote a given monetary system’s ‘dollar’). Then you add to it more Perutos until you hit $104. The number104 is twice the numerical value of the Hebrew word, “Ben” which means son. You then give that to a needy and humble Talmid Chacham.

This time they are preying on the misery of others in order to extract money for their cause. The majority of this brochure is an attempt to convince childless couples that after having tried all other methods of getting pregnant, then this one Segula will do the trick. They go on to cite numerous examples of how this Segula has worked for others in similar situations. This is the magic bullet that will give them children. Testimonial after testimonial tells us about desperate couples who have used this Segula and have had their prayers answered. What’s more they cite various endorsements by Gedolei Yisroel as giving their blessing to it!

This is enough to make me puke. Is this what the Torah world is being reduced to… the selling of Segulos? Is this how we get our prayers answered? Is this how we solve the problems of poverty?

“Having fertility problems?” “Not to worry.” “Send us your money.” “That will assure you that you will have children!” “And, by the way your money is going for a good cause, too.”

I am very skeptical about the veracity of the statements quoted in the name of some or our rabbinic leadership. I cannot believe that they actually believe that this is an appropriate method of raising funds …even for a cause which they believe in.

Certainly, the need is very great. I don’t deny that. According to another brochure I saw, from a charity called Keren Eretz Yisroel there are almost 38,000 families in desperate need of funds. In some cases the funds are so scarce that families often have to make a choice between paying an electric bill and putting food on the table. Desperate times indeed, for these Bnei Torah, many of whom even have working fathers. And though I have huge issues with respect to why the need is so great, I never the less would not want to see these mostly Ehrilche Jews suffer because of their being so horribly misguided by their rabbinic leadership. I therefore whole heartedly support charities that help these people out. But not through Kupat Ha’ir.

My issue as I have stated many times before is the system. They are victims of a system that virtually prevents them from getting the training needed to find decent jobs ...a system largely supported through the largess of State funds and through community charities ...a system that forbids them entry into the army so that they can then find work legitimately ...and a system where budget cuts forced a reduction of government subsidies to them. And that has now exacerbated the problem.

Yes, there will always be poor people who fall through the cracks and need our support in any case. This is what Tzedaka is all about. But… 38,000 families? That’s criminal. Yet nothing has changed in Israel. They cling to policies that perpetuate and expand poverty. Hence we have chaitable organizations that end up using tactics like Kupat Ha’ir.

But Kupat Ha’ir is not the only such charity. As I said there is Keren Eretz Yisroel. No mention of Segulos. No mention of Brachos. Just a pitch for the need at hand. The same type of Gadol is shown in the Brochure as supporting their good work. But it is all about the good work.

Kupat Ha’ir on the other hand is all about the Segula. The people running this organization are about as sleazy as you can get in my view. I don’t care how honorable their intentions are. I don’t care that all the money raised goes to their cause. The ends do not justify the means. They are preying on the misery of one set of Jews to alleviate the misery of another!

It is almost like the sleazy televangelist who is out there hawking cures for money. Oral Roberts comes to mind. For those too young to remember he used to ‘cure’ people through Jesus. He would place his hands on a blind or paralyzed person, say the word ‘heal’ a few times and suddenly the paralyzed person would drop his crutches and start walking. Or the blind person would suddenly regain his sight. His mission was noble too. He wanted to build a University. And he did. He sold cures in order to do so. And he was quite good at it. He ‘cured’ a lot of people with hysterical paralysis and blindness.

I’m not saying that a Segula designed by a Chasidic Rebbe is the same thing as the snake oil sold by Oral Roberts. God forbid. I’m sure the Chernobyl Rebbe who came up with this ‘remedy’ believed in its curative powers. And I’m sure all those testimonials are true.

But the folks at Kupat Ha’ir don’t talk about the ‘failures’. They only talk about the successes. I would be willing to bet that if a statistical analysis were done of the percentage of people who use this Segula getting pregnant because of it… versus those who get pregnant without it, there would be no statistical difference, with the possible exception of the placebo effect… we know how much psychology can play a role in pregnancies.

Yet Kupat Ha’ir cites many Gedolim who ‘endorse’ this Segula. I truly question the veracity of that claim. At best they have taken statements out of context and they use them as endorsements. And they speak only of successes as though this Segula was guaranteed to work. (Of course they never actually say so.)

Well if you buy into any of this, I too know a few humble Talmidei Chachamim who can use the money, so… send it to me. I will see that it gets into the right hands. Yes friends, if you’re having trouble getting pregnant, send me your money. And good luck! You’ll need it.

Refuting Rav Moshe Sternbuch… Dairy Meals on Shavuos

The Shulchan Aruch (OC 494) cites the Rama who tells us that it is a custom to eat dairy on the first day of Shavuos. Contrary to popular belief however, one does not stop with eating a dairy meal. One should first eat a dairy meal and then afterward eat a meat meal. There are many reasons given for this custom. The one mentioned by the Rama is the following: Just as a roasted shank bone and roasted egg (Shtei Tavshilim) on the seder plate symbolize the Korban Pesach and the Korban Chagiga on Pesach, so too does eating a dairy meal with two breads and then a meat meal with two breads symbolize the Shtei HaLechem (Vayikra 33: 15-22).

The Shtei HaLechem were two loaves of bread specially baked and brought in the Beis HaMikdash together with the Korban of an Olah and a Chatas. They were ‘waved’ together with them and then the two breads were eaten by the Kohanim.

By eating a dairy meal with two breads on the table, which represents the Mizbeach, and then again with a meat meal with two breads on the table, we symbolize the offering of the Shtei HaLechem.

In his Sefer Moadim U’Zmanim(V.8 - 79:319), Rav Moshe Sternbuch brings a novel reason for this Minhag. He says it is based on the Gemarah in Bechoros(6B) that discusses whether milk taken from a cow was considered Eiver Min HaChai (eating the limb of a live animal) before Matan Torah. If that is so then it is at MatanTorah that we are informed that milk is no longer considered Eiver Min HaChai and is Mutar. Rav Sternbuch says we eat dairy meal on Shavuos to symbolize that.

But Rav Sternbuch’s reason is difficult. The fact is the we see from an earlier incident in the Torah that milk was permitted.

Avraham Avinu gave cheese and milk to his guests and did not worry about feeding them something which is forbidden to them. If dairy products were forbidden by virtue of Eiver Min HaChai he would have been guilty of Lifnei Iver Lo Setein Michshol, the forbidden act of putting stumbling blocks in front of others. Lifnei Iver applies to Jews putting stumbling blocks in front of non Jews equally as it does to non Jews. We see that milk was not considered Eiver Min HaChai or Avraham wouldn’t have served it.

But one can find in the Meshech Chachama a scenario that can be used as a defense of Rav Sternbuch’s reason. It is possible that milk served by Avraham was from a Ben Pakua. A Ben Pakua is a surviving fetus within an animal that was properly slaughtered. Such an animal is considered Kosher without Shechita. And as such, taking milk from the ‘Shechted fetus’ would not be considered Ever Min HaChai under these circumstances. And therefore, pre Matan Torah under normal circumstances milk was considered Eiver Min HaChai.

Rav Sternbuch is still difficult, however. If one looks at the Talmudic source of Rabbi Sternbuch’s reason, one will see an expounding of the words “land of milk and honey” (Shemos 3). If it were true that milk was considered Assur before Matan Torah because of Eiver Min HaChai, it would never have used it as an element in extolling the virtues of Eretz Yisroel. And this Pasuk in the Torah is written before Matan Torah during God’s encounter with Moshe Rabbenu at the burning bush. Since milk was used in this way, it shows that milk must have been permitted well before the revelation at Sinai, thus refuting Rav Sternbuch’s explanation.

Taken from Torah L’Daas.

Good as Gold

The results of the JIB awards are in. I won in two categories:

Best Anti-Establishment Blog - Gold

Best Large Blog - Silver


First, I want t thank all those who took the time to vote for me in any of the categories I was nominated.

Second, I want to congratulate all the winners in all categories. While I do not read all of them, and in fact some of them may be of the type whose views I disagree with ...and in some cases, I might even be vehemently opposed to them as anathematic to Torah, I never-the-less congratulate them for their ability to communicate their message. Job well done.

My ‘biggest’ win is in the category of anti-establishment. The truth is that I never thought of myself as anti-establishment at all. And I still don’t really think I am. I actually think of myself as pro establishment with an eye to improving those establishments which serve Klal Yisroel in one way or another.

I would never for instance want to God forbid destroy Agudah. I think the service they provide for the Torah world and the entire Jewish community is invaluable. The list of their achievements are numerous and enviable.

They are a target of this blog only in cases where I think they have erred or used bad judgment. Or when I disagree with a position they have taken. And my criticisms although at times strong have been respectful. And the same is true about any institution within the Torah world. Strong and passionate criticism at times… yes. But anti-establishment, no. And I am the first to say that these are my considered views and that I may be in error myself. I am always ready to be corrected. Emes is my goal.

Never the less, I accept the award.

If anti-establishment means fighting institutional injustice, I am anti establishment.

If anti establishment means standing up for victims of abuse in Torah institutions, then I am anti-establishment.

If anti-establishment means trying to change an educational system in Israel that perpetuates and increases poverty, then I am anti-establishment.

If anti-establishment means fighting mental abuse by some establishment figures on young people seeking their advice and council then I am anti-establishment.

If anti-establishment means fighting people or groups who denigrate other people or groups whose Hashkafos are not in lockstep with their own, then I am anti-establishment.

These and other things I have written that need attention and improvement are the kinds of things I talk about here all the time and if that makes me anti-establishment, then I wear that badge proudly.

Once again, thanks one and all for your support.

Human Perfection in the Eyes of God ...and Intolerance

Yesterday, a friend showed me a very insightful thought expressed by Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch. It is in Parshas Lech Lecha (17:1). It is just before God changes the name of our patriarch from Avram to Avraham. God commands Abram to be Tammim, perfect.

In that Pasuk the name for God used is Sha-dai (Shin Daled Yud). The word Tamim in the human character is the exact correlation of what that divine name indicates about the Divine character. The later part of that name is Dai (Daled Yud). Dai is the Hebrew word for “enough’. It is a limit. God tells Mankind, in the person of Avraham that perfection requires that he set a limit in all areas of behavior. What are those limits? They are those set by God through His Torah. He thereby gives us the parameters of permissible behavior. That says Rav Hirsch is the whole of the Torah. Within those limits is the holy and good. He calls this elbow room. By that he means that no prohibition of the Torah demands a complete killing of our tendencies. The Torah only directs them to be utilized within permitted limits. “Within the limits set by God, thou shalt conduct thyself freely.”

Freedom within the limits of Torah. What a concept! What Rav Hirsch is telling us is that instead of killing our natural tendencies, one should utilize them freely within limits set by God.

Contrast this with the current attitude expressed by a Rav/Rebbe I recently wrote about. One who tells his students that one who does not learn Torah full time, is a sub par human. And this is not just a renegade rabbi. This is a mainstream Mechanech who dispenses advice freely to all who ask for it. He even has a website. And he is well known for doing just that: giving advice to young people. And one of the primary areas is advice on Shiduchim.

We saw what his advice was in an earlier post. He basically said that if one is to be considered an on par Jew, one must be learning Torah full time. If not, and you are looking to get married… well then don’t bother looking for a decent Shidach. Young ‘Torah true’ women …whom he also advises… will never accept anyone other than a young man who learns full time. Only such an individual is marriage-worthy to a properly educated Bas Yisroel.

I wish I could say this Rav is alone. That his views are extremist. That mainstream views are not like that. But I can’t. Mainstream ultra-Orthodoxy in Israel is of that mindset. Although apparently an American, this Rav/Rebbe is located both physically and mentally in Israel. His views are definitely those of the Charedi world there. And the impact is felt right here in America. That was made painfully clear from in the post I wrote a few days ago.

A young man who is obviously ultra Orthodox felt that his Tafkid, his way of serving God, was not best fulfilled in learning full time. He followed his ‘tendancy’ to serve God in other ways…acting in accordance with Rav Hirsch’s insight. This was his perfection. But this is not the perfection of the right. They reject Rav Hirsch. They insist that God’s intent for His people to achieve perfection can only be done in one way: learning Torah full time. Anything less, is sub par.

And so many young women come back from a year or two in seminary with this very attitude. And it almost doesn’t matter what their background is. The seminaries in Israel all indoctrinate them one way. Yes. There are notable exceptions, but the vast majority of them condition young women to think that way.

Just to take one example. There is one young lady here in Chicago who is 29 years old. In Charedi ‘girl’ years that is almost old age. She desperately wants to get married. She has a masters degree in Chemistry and a high paying job in that field so as to support her future husband. But she absolutely refuses to date anyone unless he will be spending full time in Kollel. Even a thought of a future outside of Torah learning is grounds for her to refuse a date with someone. At the ripe old age of 29, being almost over the hill, she has seen the pool of potential mates dwindle to almost nil. Yet there she is adamant as ever on not settling for a sub-par Jew.

And another thing. On the subject of Achdus, I was appalled at some of the additional e-mails I received from other 'victims' of this Rav/Rebbe. It included some of the most divisive language one can imagine.

Here is one such exchange:

Q: (W)hy (do) “we” feel so strongly that we need to separate ourselves from (Daati Leumi Jews), and anything smelling (Zionist). (This is especially relevant with next week being Yom Ha'atzmaut).

A: Well, let's examine a number of points.

1. In many places DL women observe much different dress codes than Chareidi ones: the sleeves are shorter, the stockings are missing, the hair isn't fully covered. Chareidi men would feel highly uncomfortable in the presence if women whom are dressed in this way. When it comes to the teenage girls, the situation is worse: the clothing is often very tight and provocative. A Chareidi woman can ask herself "Why should I have to expose my husband and my sons to that sort of stuff every day?"

2.When it comes to the separation between the genders, DL people tend to be very relaxed about it. After davening it is not uncommon to see men and women standing together in groups and talking. Again, Chareidi people will ask themselves, "Why do my daughters and sons have to see that?"

3. We have a tradtional way in which we daven - how we pronounce the words and how we dress when we go to Shul. The DL have made large changes in the this tradition. Many Chareidim find this highly offensive: davening for the amud with a short-sleeved shirt and sandals without socks is lacking in the proper respect both for Shabbos and for the Shul.

These are three very good reasons for Chareidi people wanting to keep quite separate from DL people. There are others, along the same lines. Now, as to Zionism, apart from the fact that even among DL people - more specifically among the Chardalnikim - there are many who no longer agree to celebrate Yom Ha'atzmaut, besides this, we feel very strongly that we should follow the position of Gedolei Yisroel on this issue. There stand is crystal clear. Anyone who celebrates Yom Ha'atzmaut is making a very clear statement, that he understands things better than Rav Schach did, better than Rav Eliyashiv does, better than Rav Chaim Kanievsky does, better than the Gerer Rebbe, the Belzer Rebbe, the Viznitz Rebbe etc. do. So, when a Chareidi person sees people "celebrating" Yom Ha'atzmaut or Yom Yerushalayim, he is deeply offended by this major insult to Gedolei Yisroel. It is no wonder that he prefers to keep as far away from acts of this sort as he can.

How sad it is that in this world there is an attempt to divide rather than unite. The idea of respecting differing Piskei Halacha has gone out the window. It is all about comfort levels of those whose Psak Halacha on issues is stricter than the Psak Halacha of other Poskim. All the reasons for separating from Daatim are based on comfort levels. Mixed gender events, men and women interacting socially, Halachic but different manner of dress, even the pronunciation of Hebrew(!) And a near condemnation of of celebrating Yom HaAtzmaut …all reasons to be Porush. While all of this is mostly true in Israel much of it is slowly (maybe not so slowly) creeping its way into American ultra-Orthodoxy.

That this mentality exists is by now no surprise. But that it is so stridently preached to so many American students is troubling and dangerous. And in my view this man’s views ought to be fully exposed and he ought to be stopped.

Can Reform Judaism Save Yiddishkeit?

I’m sure Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism, has a good heart. His intentions are good. He wants to save Yiddishkeit. But in an op-ed piece he wrote for the Forward, he shows himself to be the true ignoramus of Torah that most Reform rabbis are, and oblivious to the reality that the Reform Movement has created.

He is apparently upset at the embrace of and the support given by major Jewish community organizations like AIPAC to Pastor John Hagee. For those with short term memory problems, Pastor Hagge who has been one of the most outspoken supporters of not only the State of Israel, but of the Jewish people and adherence to the precepts of the Torah.

In a fiery speech at AIPAC recently, he was interrupted with applause for almost the entirey of it. That speech made it to the front pages of the Jewish Press. I wrote about it at the time and I remember thinking that this speech sounded more Jewish than many I’ve heard from many other Jewish sources. The one thing I remember most about it was along the lines that the Torah is the truth and that Christianity could not exist without it. ...And that he issued a profound apology for savage crimes caused by the anti-Semtism of Christianity over the millennia, Catholic and protestant alike.

So what is Rabbi Yaffie’s problem? Is it that he does not want Christians to be seen as Spokesman for Jews? One might think so and he would have a point. And he does allude to that. But that isn’t his real problem. His problem is that Pastor Hagee is too Frum. That’s right. He has the same problem with Pastor Hagee that he has with Orthodoxy. It seems that observing the Mitzvos of the Torah is too off-putting to today’s liberal minded youth... even the so-called committed ones. Here is what he says:

“They are pluralistic in their thinking, and they are tolerant of difference, especially differences in gender and sexual orientation. They respond negatively to those who disparage other religious traditions and who make exclusivist religious claims. John Hagee, who is contemptuous of Muslims, dismissive of gays, possesses a triumphalist theology... If our intention was to distance our young adults from the Jewish state, we could not have made a better choice.”

I see. According to Rabbi Yoffie, the Torah is just too politically incorrect for our modern day liberal young person. It is too off-putting to them. We can’t have people going around with such intolerant views of homosexual practices. We must also have pluralism. “How dare Orthodoxy tell us that our lack of belief in the binding nature of Halacha makes our views illegitimate?!” Elu V’Elu. Pastor Hagee is just more of the same along those lines. How dare we embrace ...that! We will lose whatever draw we have on today’s young people if we tell them following Halacha is a requirement of the Torah.

Losing young people? He thinks that insisting on Halacha is the problem?! And he calls himself a Rabbi? Has he learned nothing from the history of the Reform movement? His movement is one of primary forces in the destruction of our youth. The rejection of Mitzvah observance is the single biggest contributor to assimilation. And this has resulted in a culture of secularism that has removed almost all vestiges of Jewish identity from today's youth.

The new liberal Jew he speaks of knows more about the history of slavery in America than he does about his own Jewish heritage... more about American Idol than Moshe Rabbenu. The new liberal Jew is in essence a secular Jew interested more in equality and social justice. That is what God is all about to them. This is what they decided God wants. Not what God Himself has told us in His Torah.

The liberal Jew is a humanist who thinks humanity determines right and wrong. Mitzvah observance and Torah have little if anything to do with their lives and are unimportant or irrelevant to their cause and to the times.

Intermarriage is not a problem. Is it any surprise that so many of them wonder, “Why be Jewish at all”? They believe in the ‘brotherhood of man”. And they worship the latest cultural social fad, like extreme environmentalism or radical feminism. “God is ...whatever I want Him to be.” “The God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob... how is that relevant to my life and goals?”

This is Rabbi Yaffie’s hope for the future. And he believes that catering to these ideals will save them.

Save them for what? Judaism? That has been lost to them generations ago.

Sorry, Rabbi Yaffie. Your solutions are Hevel VaRik. They are a Be’er Shachas... an empty pit full of destruction. Your solutions... are the problem. Your solutions are not new but have been tried ever since the first Pittsbugh platform which abandoned Halacha. They have been tried and they have failed. Miserably.

What young people need instead is to be taught from scratch about the truth of Judaism. Judaism does not mean fighting for a woman’s right to abortion on demand. It does not mean, ordaining practicing homsosexuals. It means understanding and living according to the eternal word of God as given to us in His book, the Torah.

We need to reach out to today’s unaffected youth and teach them that. And it will be Orthodoxy that will succeed at doing so, as it has done with amazing success in recent decades. That’s why Orthodoxy is growing and other denominations are shrinking. This is how we will recapture our youth, not by catering to the ‘spirit of the times’ which has little if anything to do with the Torah. Only this will save them. And, Rabbi Yaffie, if you take heed it can save you too.

Two Torahs

There is a Mitzvah in the Torah called Lo Sisgodidu It is mentioned in Devorim (Deuteronomy 14:1). It is a Lav, a negative commandment. “Banim Atem Lashem Elokeicham Lo Sisgodidu, VeLo Sasimu Karcha Bein Enechem LaMes”. “You are children of the Lord, do not cut yourselves and do not put a bald spot between your eyes for the dead.”

The simple meaning of the word Lo Sisgodidu is as translated, “Do not cut youerself”. This fits in very nicely with the context of the Pasuk. People should not cut themselves as a sign of mourning because that was a Pagan rite.

But there is a second more relevant interpretation which is derived from the word cut. It is the idea that one must not ‘cut’ or separate the Torah into two Torahs… with one set of laws for one group and another set of laws for another. As Rashi explains, that would give the impression that there are two Torahs. The Rambam agrees with the interpretation but provides a different reason. By setting up two sets of laws, it creates potential conflict between one community and another. And such conflict must be avoided as a matter of Torah law.

This brings into serious question the many different customs that exist in Klal Yisroel. It would seem that this Lav was observed more in the breach. Especially in recent times.

One such example is Nusach HaTeffila, the text of formal prayer. One could perhaps excuse the development the different texts of on the one hand, Edot Mizrach the official text of for Sephradim. and on the other hand the development of Nusach Ashkenaz used by Jews of European descent. Those two traditions developed independently of each other. Each claims theirs is the authentic 2000 year old text of the original composers, the Anshei Keneses HaGedolah. There was little contact over the millennia between the two separte geographical groups. So even though I don’t see how that removes the Issur of Lo Sisgodidu, at least it is understandable how each group claims to be the original.

But the adoption in the late 18th century of Nusach Sefard by the early Chasidism who were of European descent and lived in Ashkenazi (European) communites seems to be in direct violation of this Torah commandment. There can be no claim that Nusach Sefard Sefard or Nusach Ari (a version of it) is the original. Nusach Sefard changes significant portions of the original text. It uses a Kabbalistic interpretation of prayer written by Rabbi Isaac Luria, (known better by his Hebrew acronym the Ari) and modifies it into what they considered a holier version of prayer.

So now we have two Torahs: One for Chasidim and one for non Chasidim. Why was this not a violation of Lo Sisgodidu? It would seem to me that anyone who Davens a Nusach other than Nuasch Ashkenaz, is in violation. Yet it is seems to be completely accepted by the all Poskim.

Rav Moshe Feinstein has an interesting Teshuva about this. It’s been many years since I looked at it but it had to do with a Shaila asked by an individual about what Nusach he should Daven. Rav Moshe Paskin’d that he should Daven whatever the Nusach of his father because that is his Mesorah. But if an individual didn’t know what his father’s Nusach is, than he argued that the correct Nusach is Nusach Ashkenaz. He argued pretty much along the same lines I’ve been discussing… that is… he asked the question, “Who gave the Chasidim permission to change the Nusach HaTeffila?”

I remember thinking that if this is the correct Nusach, why should anyone Daven Nusach Sefard? Why perpetuate bad Mesorah? Why isn’t perpetuating an error a violation of Lo Sidgodidu?

My father Davened Nusach Sefard. I now Daven Nusach Ashkenaz. Why did I leave my father’s Mesorah? Well, it isn’t that simple in my case. After learning in elementary schools and Yeshivos that all Daven’d Nusach Askenaz, my Nusach was kind of a hodgepodge. It was Ashkesefard. I decided to “pick one” and after seeing the Teshuva by Rav Moshe I leaned very heavily toward his argument.

And then there was this:

My famous (amongst Chasidim) paternal ancestor Rav Shimon M’Yaroslav rebelled against his father, Rav Yisroel Leib Elbaum who was a strident Misnagid . R’ Yisroel Leib was so opposed to the Nusach change that on his deathbed he told his son, that if he said Kaddish in Nusach Sefard (which adds the line ‘VeYatzmach Purkanei V’karev Mishichei) then he should not say Kaddish for him at all! This story is actually brought down in Seforim as a Shaila about how far one is obligated to honor a father’s wish. It can be found in Shaarim Metzuyanim B’Halacha.

Rav Shimon’s father, and Rav Moshe were right. It was Rav Shimon who changed his Mesorah. I was merely correcting the error. My son has done the same thing. And when he asked Rav Ahron Soloveichik about it, Rav Ahron said, “you did good”. I told my father that I decided to Daven Nusach Ashkenaz and he nodded his approval too.

Now many will say that I have departed from my Mesorah anyway, permission or not. Well I have a great example in my illustrious ancestor, Rav Shimon, who did the same thing.

My little contribution to Lo Sisgodidu.

What a Time It Was!

June of 1967. That was a very significant year in my life. It was the “Summer of Love’ which took place in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Fransisco. Many would say that the decline in American sexual mores could be traced back to that singular event. The Viet Nam War was in full bloom. And I was in the Yeshiva (HTC) attending Roosevelt University at night and exempted from the draft by a 4D divinity exemption. But that year had another significant event.

There are events that occur in one’s life that are so significant… that make such an impact, that they remain forever embedded in one’s heart and in one’s mind. Most of them are usually personal… an engagement, a wedding, the birth of a child... and so on.

But in some cases the event is not personal but national or even international. One of the more famous moments like that for those of us old enough to remember is the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. I don’t remember all that much about that year except that I was in my senior year in high school. But I remember precisely what I was doing when I heard the news. The scene is vivid in my mind as though it happened yesterday.

There are a few other events like that. One of them is when the Six Day War broke out on June 5, 1967. And the most significant event of the war is when Jewish people re-took Jerusalem. ‘Har HaBayit B’Yadenu” was the cry of Lieutenant General Motta Gur, head of the paratrooper unit that took it. ‘The Temple Mount is in our hands’. That was 40 years ago today.

What a moment that was! The spark of Judaism that is within all Jews no matter how far removed from observance was rekindled at that historical moment. I’m told that even Yitzhak Rabin, who was then Chief of Staff in the Israel Defense Forces and certainly no religious fanatic, was so moved. When he was informed of the capture of Har HaBayis he quoted Pesukim from the Torah.

I doubt whether there was a Jew alive then, having had any feeling for his religion that did not feel tremendous pride. We were all one people then. Secular and religious, The feeling of joy and pride was palpable in all. It was a great moment to be a Jew in the world.

I will never forget the image on a popular poster I saw after Israel won the six day war against all the dire predictions against it. It was a photo or a caricature drawing of a Chasidic Jew opening up his shirt to reveal the Superman costume he was wearing underneath. How that brought a smile to my face. It still does when I think of it. Little Israel which was then the darling of all the political liberals was seen as the underdog. They were applauded for overcoming their evil Arab enemies. That’s how Israel was viewed then, by both the politically right and the left. Military analysts in America were falling all over themselves on TV praising the military ‘genius’ of Israel’s quick and decisive victory. Like I said… It was a great time to be a Jew.

Many people trace the explosion of Kiruv directly to that moment. It became ‘cool’ to be a Jew. Young people flockied to Israel to see what all the excitement was about. Existing Kiruv organizations were not equipped to handle all the potential that explosion. But the void has been filled and many Jews have since ‘returned’ to the faith of their forefathers. All because of those miraculous days. And miraculous they were. Many stories have been told of that historical moment recounting events that could only be described as miraculous. And the explosion of Torah learning… is unprecedented in modern times. All that happened after the six day war.

Fast forward to today. All the joy and hopes and dreams of that time have been replaced by today's very sobering reality. The heady times of Moshe Dayan and Golda Meir are gone. Menachem Begin… gone. All have been replaced by the depression of our current times. Instead of being seen as the underdog we are now viewed as the aggressor nation who oppresses the underdog Palestinian. Instead of pride, there is now fear and even despair. We are under constant threat of suicide bomberss and unable to eradicate the ideology that produces them.

Jewish blood has been spilled in an un-winable war in Lebanon. We have an unpopular prime minster, a dictator in Iran that rivals Adolf Hitler, promising to destroy the Jewish nation and pursuing with abandon the nuclear weapons with which to do it.

Instead of cheering Israeli acomplishments we have a political Left full of Jews who, instead of feeling pride, feel shame about Israel’s existence.

Torah learning which is certainly as strong as it has ever been now suffers from unprecedented comunal poverty.

What happened?

Well, there are many explanations that come to mind. But the most important factor in my view is the lack of recognition of what God want’s of us, His people. As religious Jews we always turn inward to examine what is wrong in our own lives when things go wrong. I am the last one to point to causes and I do not do so now. But I do often point to problems that exist in the Frum community. We have become myopic, focusing too much on narrow interests and not seeing the big picture.

I do not mean to say that the problems that I address on a regular basis are the exact causes of the situation in Israel on this day... Yom Yerushalayim. I’m sure that there are problems I don’t talk about that can be pointed to with equal validity. But I would posit that a change for the better in all these areas can only help.

Yes, the physical realities are important. A strong IDF, a national will… all important. But no less important are issues like poverty amongst our people, educational policies, bitter divisiveness between varying Hashkafic groups, infighting within groups, Chilul HaShem that passes for Kidush HaShem, the existence of sexual abuse, and many other things written about here. All these things need to be looked at and dealt with.

Kochi V’Otzem Yodi did not give us back Jerusalem and Har Habyis. It was God. And the sooner we realize God’s hand in all this and change things for the better, the sooner we will have salvation. So this is my prayer on this Yom Yerushalyim. Teshuva Teffila U’Tzedakah Mavirin es Ro’ah HaGezeira.

The Exchange

I received the following e-mail a few days ago with permission to post it. I have no way of verifying whether the exchange in this e-mail ever took place. But I believe it. It follows very closely what I have been told many times by many young people about similar conversations they have had with their own Mechanchim. In one case I know about, a former Avreich almost lost his Sholom Bayis when, after nine years in Kollel, he encountered a similar attitude by his Rosh Kollel. The words of the exchange below ring very true. So I present it here intact in its entirety. I include in part preface by the individual who forwarded it to me.

If this exchange is as true as I believe it to be can there be any doubt about the reasons for the difficult state of our Bnei Torah in Israel? Is there any question about poor financial state and the strain it places on the family? Or the emotional turmoil it can induce? Or the increasing the potential of placing their children at greater risk of 'dropping out'?

And is there any question that this is a major contributing factor of the Shiddach crisis?

If there was ever any reason to shout out, this is it. It is high time the struggling Avreichim who suffer from poverty, whose families are breaking under the stresses of many years of the Kollel life to shake themselves out of this malaise and wake up to their reality and do something about it. “So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell: 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'

OK. That may be a bit extreme, but that’s how I feel sometimes. If attitudes like the one expressed by the Rebbe below are as widespread and common as I believe them to be, especially in Israel, then maybe a reaction like the one above isn’t such a crazy one after all. The Rebbe’s responses are in bold type. Here now, the exchange:

Preface: A friend of mine had the following email exchange with a Rebbe of his. This is a Rabbi at one of the programs in Israel that has a very good reputation, even in the modern orthodox world. When I first saw it, I thought that there was no way it could be real, not because of the views expressed, but because of the callous and insensitive way in which they were written.

As you will see, the guy did not exactly present the best case to his Rebbe, but the response is a real indicator of what many of these rabbonim really feel. I feel like I can say that not as a stereotype, but from very personal experience. This is NOT a minority view.

I hope this letter finds you well. I have been receiving the weekly emails. In general I value them for their timeliness and practicality. However, that said, one thing always strikes me. It seems that Rebbe is very quick to draw very black and white lines between those who are learning and those who are not- to the extent that you are quick to remind girls that there are those that learn full time- and then there are the 'other' who just don't; seemingly with the implication that we will not be good husbands who are committed to avodas hashem and building true torah homes.

I never said that those who don't learn won't be good husbands. I did and do say that their avodas HaShem will be nowhere near that avodas HaShem of aperson learning full- time and obviously, the home that they will build will be a different sort of home.

I wonder- as someone in the "working world" am I somehow not as good as those that have the luxury of staying in Yeshiva full time. Does Hashem throw away my learning because I am in the beis medrish for only an hour and not longer?

Of course not. Why would He throw it away? However, there is no question in my mind that you are NOT doing that which HaShem wants you to do. He didn't give us the Torah so that a person would spend 40 prime years of his life learning one hour a day!!

I can tell you that simply because I don't have the luxury of being in
A yeshiva full time- though I would go in an instant if I could- does not mean that my goals are any different than that of those who are in Yeshiva full time.

Of course they are.

There is nothing more that I want than to build a torah home based on yiras shomayim with someone who is commited to those same ideals. I don’t consider myself tainted because I'm out in the working world.

"Tainted"? Why tainted? However, you cannot honestly believe that this is what HaShem had in mind when he gave us the Torah. Come on now!

If anything I feel that the challenges of remaining a frum Jew in the working world are much much harder than sitting within the confines of
a yeshiva.

The Gra was asked this and answered that he isn't a challenge Solver!

Some of the most committed people that I have met are those that have been out in the working world and had to struggle with the challenges associated with it day in and day out.

Then I feel very sorry for you. It is a shame that you haven't met the REALLY committed people like Rav Eliyashiv and Rav Chaim Kanievsky!

I don't mean to put in a pitch for working. I would imagine that if Hashem would have wanted everyone in Yeshiva he would have made us all rich. Clearly, that was never His intention-

Who told you that? Was Rav Moshe Feinstein rich? Are Rav Eliyashiv and Rav Chaim Kanievsky rich? Learning Torah has nothing to do with being rich, but rather with making do with very little.

So to insinuate that somehow we are 'sub-par' and not as good as those in Yeshiva to the point that you advise girls that should they really want a Torah home that they should only seek out a certain kind of boy is hurtful and harmful to those of us that are precisely looking for that kind of girl.

I see. However, the truth is precisely that: you ARE sub-par!! However, don't worry, most girls don't understand a word about what I am speaking. So many many of them are exactly like you: they have no idea what real Torah is all about and so are very happy to marry a working boy so long as he opens a sefer from time to time.

Far be it from me to challenge Rebbe- I am a big believer in das torah- but I cannot feel that in some way that you classify us as second class- and frankly, I cannot understand why.

I don't see what the problem is. Your desire to have a comfortable life of gashmiyus has caused you to convince yourselves that learning one hour a day is acceptable. However, it most certainly isn't.

To write in an email (see below): "Davening with a minyan and making an effort to learn is what regular people off the street do; between that and being a true Ben Torah is a very big difference." I wonder if Hashem sees things that way also.

Of course He does.

Is it worth my effort if I am not as good as the next- then why even bother?

Nu.

I firmly believe that it is not the quantity of time that one puts into learning that matters rather the quality.

I see. You feel that the quality of your learning during the hour that you learn is as good as those who learn all day long. How many chaburos have you given this past month? How many difficult ktzosim have you answered? I tool feel that quality is very very important. Those who learn one hour a day don't even know what quality in learning is all about!

I think that being a good Ben Torah is a mindset- it is not quantifiable in terms of hours learned in the beis medrish or number of simanim of Mishna Berura learned.

Well, I guess that you need to think that in order to make you feel good about your lifestyle. It reminds me so much of what the secular Jews that I knew when I was young used to say. They would say that being a good Jew is a mind-set and is not dependent on doing all sorts of special actions like Shabbos and Tefillin!

Is it an attitude that we carry inside of us- a moral compass that people who are committed to a being 'ovdei Hashem’ regardless of who or where we are in life, carry internally.

Anyone who really believes that he is a true Oved HaShem when he spends only one hour a day in the BM is really very very confused.

To tell girls that there is a difference between myself and those in yeshiva might be true- but to tell them reconsider when we are suggested as potential matches- is hurtful.

It may be hurtful, but it happens to be very very true.

Maybe I am missing something- maybe there is some piece of information
That I just don't understand. I look forward to Rebbe's response.

Missing something? You are missing everything. I don't understand how you could believe for even a second that your lifestyle is what HaShem wants for us. Why would He have given us such a beautiful Torah then? Have all the Gedolim made such a big mistake in regard to THEIR lifestyles? Come on!

Not So Soft Bigotry

Are some religious Jews bigoted against 'people of color'? Is it wide spread? Is it endemic and even institutionalized? I think the answer is clearly, yes... to all of the above. And the people of color they are prejudiced against are fellow Jews. Not secular Jews which would be bad enough, but Orthodox Jews. I am talking about Jews who tend to be a bit darker in their skin coloring because of their ethnicity, like certain Sephardim or Yemenites. Consider this article by Tali Farkash as published on Ynet:

On Shabbat I overheard a children’s conversation that I wished I had not. I passed by a Hasidic synagogue, whose name I won’t mention to avoid embarrassing it, when I overheard an honest conversation between two boys. They sat on the steps at the entrance to the building when the younger one, a cute boy with curly sidelocks and an innocent expression, turned to the older boy and asked him a question that threw me off balance: “Tell me, what are Yemenites?” The second boy, without thinking for even a second, answered: “Yemenites are worse than Sephardim, because they are browner”.

Pretty bad.

Ms.Farkash, a young Charedi woman, then goes on to tell us about her experiences growing up and attending Charedi Beis Yaakov schools. The impact such racist attitudes must be devastating on a young person who is just trying to be a part of the community. The sense they get from being looked at in this condescending way is that they can never quite be as beautiful as a ‘white’ girl. Often the prejudice that accompanies darker skin is that such people are considered of inferior intelligence. Can anyone imagine growing up in an environment where the unspoken attitude about a fellow classmate is that they are both ugly and stupid and are considered social outcasts?

Ms. Farkash points out it that it isn't only her peers that look down at Jewish ’people of color’. It is even adults who should know better: 'In the strictly-Orthodox world there are mature, educated people, rabbis and community leaders that think exactly this way.'

And what makes this worse is that that there is a severe case of denial about it. And it is a conscious denial. Whenever challenged about it, there is almost always an ‘explanation’ for the discrimination. For example in questions about setting a Shidach between a ‘white’ and a ‘person of color’ you can get excuses like, “It is a question of a couple’s compatibility in food and customs”.

There is always a reason given, but it is never the real reason which I believe is plain old fashioned bigotry.

As is the case with almost all bigotry it is usually the result of ignorance which can klead to insensitive and stupid remarks As in the following:

Today when I hear about a talented rabbinical judge who took a long time to become part of the system because “unfortunately” he was born to a Sephardi mother and Ashkenazi father- I go back in time. When a wicked woman, sorry but I have no other definition for her, who is not aware of my “brown” genes tells me about her new neighbors, and how relieved she is that “despite their ethnicity” they are neat and well-kept, I politely smile on the outside and want to throw up on the inside.

Lest anyone say that this young woman’s experiences are an anomally and that there is no prejudice on an institutional level, read this. Here’s an excerpt:

Last year, 221 pre-school girls, including Rachel, applied for the 1st grade at Beit Yaakov. Of the 93 Ashkenazi girls who applied, 90 were accepted (97 percent), while of the 130 Sephardic girls who applied, only 70 got in (54 percent).

How can people who are supposed to be Mamleches Kohanim V'Goy Kadosh be so stupid, insensitive, and bigoted? Is it going to take the secular Israeli courts to end it, or are we going to end it ourselves? I think the answer should be pretty clear.

The Last Best Hope?

Just when I thought things might be improving just a little in the Charedi world a bomb drops. And I get a huge door slammed in my face.

Rav Aharon Leib Steinman was interviewed during his recent whirlwind trip to give encouragement to Jewish communities in France. Rav Steinman and the Gerrer Rebbe have apparently taken it upon themselves to go to many Jewish communities in the world for just that purpose. Last year it was the US and Canada. Considering that he is 93 years old, that is quite an undertaking. But apparently age is no barrier when it comes to promoting a life of Torah. On a separate visit to Chicago a couple of years ago, Rav Rav Steinman drew over-flow crowds at his one appearance. It had an almost rock star like quality to it. Everyone just wanted to meet him or get a glimpse of him. The only thing missing was the autograph session. Did Chicago get the intended Chizuk from that? I wonder about that. Considering what he views to be the correct path for all Jews, I’m not so sure that what he actually preaches is what I think all of us should practice.

Rav Steinman for those who may not remember was the one Gadol in Israel who seemed open to changing the current status quo of the Charedi world in Israel. He is no Centrist, and certainly is not an adherent of Torah U-Mada. I would never expect him to be. But he did seem to be more moderate his views with respect to those who cannot make it in learning. He seemed to be open to Charedim getting job training in various fields. While he was opposed to opening up full fledged Charedi/Parnassah type schools for them, at least he allowed for the exception. He was also supportive of the Tal bill which went into law. The Tal Bill allowed young Bnei Torah to leave the walls of the Beis HaMedrash, get basic training in the army and go out into the workforce and earn a decent living. This was quite a radical departure for a Gadol in that world.

I’m not sure what happened to change things, but, as reported here, when asked questions about these issues his response was shocking and quite the opposite of moderate:

About the education of children, he said that it was absolutely forbidden to teach them secular subjects, declaring: "Everything must be merely Torah." In his previous trips to America and France, he also said that education for women must be kept to "the minimum of the minimum."

Moderate? I don’t think so. All one may learn is Torah?! Secular subjects are forbidden?!

Can this be the moderate we are pinning our hopes on? Is there anyone who really believes that secular subjects are forbidden to learn? If this is moderation, than there is no hope. Poverty will increase and there is no out. Without any secular education, there can be no realistic chance for finding a reasonable job, if and when the time comes for an Avreich to do so. Add to that the fact that ‘women’s education must be the barest minimum’, and I don’t see how things will not go from bad to worse… exponentially so with every generation. Sure there are… and will be some who will buck the trend and get the training and then get decent jobs. Some will indeed drink the ‘poison’ of learning a trade, as Rav Steinman characterizes it. But the vast majority seems doomed to a life of dire poverty relying on a lifetime of welfare just for basic needs.

This attitude makes me wonder what Rav Steinman’s response would have been to a letter writer in the Yated, which reads in part:

I'm one of your famous "kids at risk" and I'm writing to the Yated because I think that the community at large, with all its efforts, is still guilty of the one thing that we are always told not to do: Judging people by their looks and only by their looks. I am sick and tired of walking into a frum grocery and because my hair is over two inches long and my yarmulke is made out of leather, people avoid me. When I offer to help a mother with a few kids outside carry her groceries to her car, I get scurried away from as though I will somehow share some of my horrible looks with her children. After all, I'm not the ideal looking kid, because I don't have a white shirt and black pants.

I recently walked into an extremely frum yeshiva to speak to a former rebbi of mine and I was asked by the rosh yeshiva to go home and dress like a mentch. All I wanted to do was talk to my rebbi, but because I was not dressed to the yeshiva standard, I was asked to leave.

I've been told to leave shuls in all the frum areas because I don't look or dress correctly.Friends of mine, who are also "kids at risk," have had similar experiences. We're thrown out of yeshivos and banned from communities. But that does not bother us as much as not being treated civilly when we are trying to do something good. I beg of you, readers, to try and be more compassionate and then maybe, with a little more acceptance of people's differences, there will be peace.

I know what Rabbi Yakov Horowitz’s response would have been. But would Rav Steinman have had the same response as the Rosh Yeshiva described in the Yated letter?

In light of the following, I wonder. When Rav Steinman was asked about ‘men who had left the yeshivas and cannot find themselves either here or there…would it be possible to set up a yeshiva for them where they would also learn a trade… his repsonse was, ‘You are saying that since he is already not good, then we should send him to learn a trade? That is merely adding poison to poison. A trade is poison.’

I would rather believe that Rav Steinman would have great compassion as I’m sure a Gadol of his stature would. But wouldn’t it be better if that compassion weren’t needed in the first place… on such a large scale?

I am disappointed. Even more so than about the fact that he thinks Modern Orthodox Rabbis are uprooting the religion.