Guest Post by ‘Mechnanech’
Last Thursday’s guest post by ‘Mechanech’ unexpectedly proved to
be one of the most enlightening posts to date on this blog. Not only because it
allowed a glimpse into the mind of a noted Mechanech revealing some of his innermost
thoughts and feelings… but because it generated so many thoughtful comments.
The very idea that a Mechanech who is so intimately involved
in molding future generations of Jews can himself have some of the issues that
many of us privately have but are unwilling to admit – sometimes even to ourselves
is to some of us quite frightening (…How can I allow such a teacher to teach my
kids?) and to some of us quite refreshing (…It’s nice to have someone who can
empathize with what my kids are going through). Others pointed out that apathy in Teffilah can
be a symptom of apathy with Judaism itself where some people just go through the motions.
The problems of Davening repetitively every day to the point
of it being rattled off by rote by most people - while trying to maintain
Kavanah (proper intent) is not new. It is an age old problem that even the best
of us have to deal with. I have heard some very right wing Roshei Yeshiva talk
about it as an issue for themselves and try to suggest ways to have
proper Kavanos during Teffilah.
Mechanech’s post also dealt with the many issues plaguing the
religious world that can too easily turn off young people from observance… like
the seemingly never ending new female tznius
strictures.
Mechanech got a lot of good feedback as well as not so good
feedback. He wanted to respond. I am presenting it in the form of
another guest post. His words follow.
First, of course thanks to everyone who took the time and
trouble to both read my post and to respond – and I mean ‘everyone’, including
empathizers, sympathizers and their opposites.
Without going into further statements or arguments (I think
I said what I wanted to say), please allow me some comments and clarifications:
1. Most importantly, the piece was exactly what I
called it – a “lament”. Not a complaint, not an attack, not a plea to
make the siddur shorter (nowhere do I suggest that). I was lamenting my own
fragile neshamah in the first part, and, correct, cueing from ‘V’haarev
na’, lamenting the un-sweet character of some contemporary too-public
dimensions of Orthodoxy.
2. For those of you worried about your
children: I am neither burnt-out, nor bitter, nor disillusioned.
‘Lulai torat’chah sha’ashui, az ovadti …”. I am totally immersed in
Yiddishkeit, totally enthusiastic, and firing on all cylinders. But like
many, I struggle with personal spiritual issues, and some community issues, and
wanted to share them. Is that a crime? [I spoke about tefillah
recently to some students, talking about their difficulties – not mine – and at
the end a senior student came up to me, shook my hand, and said, “That is the
first time anyone has ever spoken to us about davenning without berating us,
and for that, I thank you”.]
3. Some speculated further on the roots of my
situation. I am not a BT, and was brought up in what was a traditional
home, in what that meant way back then. But as noted, for whatever
reasons, davenning was not a prominent part of my upbringing. (To put
someone’s mind at rest, who took a cheap shot at my transliterated ‘taf’ – in
fact, I always daven – b’girsa d’yankusa – in an Ashkenazi
pronunciation. I am also very familiar indeed with the Haredi world.)
4. Perhaps
most importantly – please read my last line. “And I will continue to try to
daven.” Perhaps I should have added the word “better”? But
FYI, in the Shemoneh Esrai, the two paragraphs which I always say with the
maximum kavvanah that I can are ‘Hashivenu Avinu…” and ‘Shma kolenu….”.
May we all have a happy, healthy, fulfilling and above all
peaceful 5744. And thank you again, and thanks to Harry for his blog.
