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| Scene from the movie, Gett (Jew in the City) |
It seems that Israeli Chief Rabbinate is hated (or at the
very least, considered irrelevant) by virtually every segment of Jewry in
Israel. Secular Jews because they see them as forcing religion down their
throats. Dati Leumi (or Religious Zionist) Jews because they see the Rabbinate
under control of Charedi Rabbininc leadership. And Charedim because the rabbinate is part of a Zionist government which is anathema to them.
All this is really too bad. If you are going to have a
Jewish state, you are going to need rabbis to determine what is and isn’t
Jewish. And they ought to have the power to enforce all matters religious. Such
as marriage, divorce, and conversion. It’s therefore sad to see political and
religious agendas undermining what I see as a necessary component of a Jewish
state. A component that was agreed upon by the founders of the State and most of its
religious leaders at the time.
But this is all a side issue. I mention it to contrast it
with the reality of the Chief Rabbinate. Which in the case of the Agunah is exactly
the opposite of what many of its detractors believe it to be. As commonly defined, an Agunah is a woman that
seeks a divorce (Gett) but whose husband refuses to give her one. Contrary to the conventional wisdom (as reflected
in the movie ‘Gett’) the opposite seems to be the case. Sender Haber, a rabbi who
has dealt with many cases of Agunah, said the following in a Jew in the City article:
As opposed to what the film would like you to think, women regularly file for divorce and plead their cases before Rabbinic courts. In addition, there are male and female “Rabbinic Advocates” (some of whom are secular Jews) who stand ready to represent their clients in a professional, effective, and empathetic manner…
Are there women out there waiting for their Jewish divorce? Yes, and it is heartbreaking and tragic…
The fact is that the Rabbinate in Israel has made some of the greatest strides in Jewish history to eradicate the Agunah issue. One in five women experience some form of extortion over their get, according to Mavoi Satum, but the Rabbinate is dealing with it…
A husband who refuses to grant a get has no chance of ever getting married by a competent rabbi. That is not always sufficient incentive, so the Rabbinate in Israel has developed a powerful arsenal: The Rabbinic Courts have the ability to freeze bank accounts, revoke driver’s licenses, seize property, and incarcerate husbands who refuse to grant a get. They can order solitary confinement or send a husband to a prison where they will not receive religious privileges granted to other prisoners. They can hire private investigators to track down recalcitrant husbands. They have even found ways to compel husbands who have fled the country to return and grant a get…
So much for castigating the Israeli Rabbinate. Not
everything is as black and white about them as many people seem to think it. Especially
those with their own agendas - whether religious or political.
While it is nice to see improvement in this area, it brings
to mind the troubling increase of divorce in our time. When I was growing up
and well into the 80s, divorce used to be so rare, that one hardly ever heard
of it. At least among Orthodox Jews. If someone was divorced, they tended hide
it if they could. The fact that there
are so many cases of Agunos today underscores the fact that things have
drastically changed. I know dozens of people in my own community here in
Chicago that have gotten divorced. The question is, why? What is different
today that was not the case yesterday?
One answer is that divorce in general society is so common
and so accepted that it is almost celebrated. And this attitude has trickled down
to us. There is little if any shame these days in getting divorced. So that issues
between husband and wife that in the past that might have been worked through,
are now enough to consider divorce as an option.
It is true that today’s attitudes about divorce has a
positive side. Couples in truly bad marriages no longer have to suffer through
them because of the embarrassment. But the fact is that a lot of marriages that
can be saved, aren’t. If a marriage can be saved with a little work and
compromise and yet divorce is the option taken, that is a tragedy. Especially when
there are young children. I don’t think people that take this option so easily
are aware of the psychological damage a divorce does to their children. In my
view they aren’t even fully aware of the difficulties they will encounter themselves
as divorcees.
As accepted as divorce is today, divorcees are often not
fully accepted by the vast majority of people whose lives are geared to intact families.
Even as many good and decent people try their best to include them. A whole new
class of singles is created that are not quite compatible in a world where
being married with children is the norm.
No discussion of divorce would be complete without a
discussion of the so called Shidduch crisis. Which I think is a contributing factor
to divorce. The fact that there are so
many young people that are having a difficult time getting married for a
variety of reasons; and the fact that there are so many women as young as 25
that are seen as over-the-hill; makes many people jump into marriages with
people they with whom they are not compatible at all.
Either problems are overlooked, or felt that they can
somehow be dealt with when in reality they can’t. Or there just isn’t enough
time during the dating process to discover problems that would have ended the
relationship. Divorce in these cases often
ensue after just a few weeks of marriage. (Or even less in some cases. I know
of at least 2 couples that filed for divorce right after the week of Sheva Brachos!) And
in some cases like this Agunos are created.
For those that do manage to get a divorce, the Shidduch
crisis is even more difficult as they now have baggage that their never married
counterparts don’t have. All while competing for the same thing.
It seems to me that we ought to take stock of where our community
stands right now on issues dating, marriage and divorce. We need to be just as concerned
about the way we date and get married as we are about the Agunah crisis. Because
if we get the dating and marriage part right, there will be a lot fewer Agunos
in the world.
