Guest
contribution by Paul Shaviv
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| Paul Shaviv |
Yesterday, a post on sex education in religious schools generated a spirited
discussion about whether it is appropriate at all… and if so, how to go about
it. That spurred me to ask Paul Shaviv, a respected educator if we could have
his input. He has graciously accepted my invitation to do so. His words follow.
The
fundamental question about sex ed in Orthodox Jewish schools boils down to
this: do you provide education about the
world in which students are actually living, or do you only provide them with
education about some idealized world which doesn’t exist?
The issue is
further complicated by the bizarre and ever more extreme attitudes to sex and
gender separation (masquerading as “tznius”, but actually far more sinister) which
have been developing in the Orthodox world in recent years, which all but
prevent a rational discussion of the subject.
We live in a
complicated world. Some generally-held
attitudes and social movements in contemporary society are healthy; many may be
judged less so. Children need survival
skills, and they need essential knowledge to navigate their way through
life. The Orthodox community has, within
it, fundamental differences about the definition of “essential knowledge”, and
I offer the following in the awareness that we are talking about a community
where increasing numbers do not wish their children to learn to read, write or
even speak English. In that context,
discussion about sex ed is futile.
Having said
that, here are some general points for consideration. (Some echo opinions already made in the
‘Comments’ to Harry’s posting.)
The reporting
of sexual abuse and molestation in every type of school and community is so
widespread that it is impossible to argue that children do not need
comprehensive education about how human desires – healthy and unhealthy –
operate; how to recognize predatory sexual behavior; and how to protect themselves
against it.
Apart from
protection against the negative, they also need guidance about the positive,
including realistic advice about growing up, the beauty of human beings and of
human relationships; and the enhancements which a Jewish religious lifestyle
can offer them.
Children
need clear, factual knowledge about puberty, adolescence, and the biology of
reproduction. Without it they are confused,
often afraid, and also extremely vulnerable.
It is
entirely possible to teach about contraception (and all other forms of sexual
activity and human relationships) while pointing out that there are some
practices which halachic Judaism approves of, and some which it doesn’t. Every teenager can understand this, just as
they understand that the McDonalds on their main street is not an option for
them. If they can understand kosher and
treif, they can understand that condoms are not halachically approved.
In every
part of society, in every part of the Orthodox world, there will be a range of
behavior. The difference in sex ed is the
that the consequences of ‘breaking the rules’ are much more far-reaching in
human, emotional and social terms. If
parents are not giving their children guidance, then the schools have to. It should not be done in a “values vacuum”,
but – as mentioned above – our community seems to be totally unprepared and
ill-equipped to discuss these matters.
Perhaps it is time for some teacher-education initatives?
The
emergence and acceptance of LBGT lifestyles, the legalization of same-sex
marriage, and the associated cultures permeate American society. No teen is unaware of that world, and,
practically speaking, they cannot be isolated or protected from it.
Altogether,
sex ed and social ed can only really take place in a context of integrated and
healthy community values. I think we are
very far from that place, which is why the discussion seems to be so
fragmentary. In some Jewish schools, sex
ed is left to the biology teachers (where biology is taught…); in others, it is
idiosyncratic, and probably only confuses the students further. In many it is
non-existent.
Every
community has to formulate its positive, reasonable and healthy educational
policy. I am not optimistic. (The
article in the Forward gave little or no indication of what Rabbi Yanklowitz’
ideas actually are, so I can’t comment on them). The only thing that I can say with some
certainty (based on experience) is that scare tactics, negativity and ranting
against the ‘perversions’ and ‘evils’ of ‘others’ will have zero educational
effect, and only cause the students to a) be curious and b) probably resent
that instruction in later years.
Ignoring it is also not an option – to do so is to betray our children.
Sexual
norms, and sexual behavior in society – including in Jewish society – are
changing rapidly. The Jewish family is
changing. Many Jewish schools have
children of same-sex parents. Every
Jewish school and yeshivah sees more children of single parents, or ‘blended
families’, and of other family structures which were far less common a generation
or so ago. Historically, schools were very often in the forefront of community
and religious change. Maybe this is an
issue where it will happen again?
After a long
career in leading Jewish schools, Paul Shaviv is now a consultant and trouble-shooter
for Jewish and non-Jewish independent schools.
