Seth Rogen, Israel, and Judaism

If not for the Torah, the Arabs would be right. I don’t know how many times I have quoted my Rebbe, Rav Ahron Soloveichik saying this. But it’s probably in the hundreds.

Those of us who knew Rav Ahron’s views supporting settling all of Eretz Yisroel might find this comment to be counter-intuitive to say the least. But I heard him say it along with the rest of my class. 

Depsite the seeming incongruity this is very in line with his worldview. His views on settlements reflected his staunch view of what Halacha had to say about the Torah's prohibition against giving up any art of biblical Israel. (When I asked him about the Pikuach Nefesh issue his response was that giving up land to our enemies was an even greater  Pikuach Nefesh. (At the time I disagreed with him - instead agreeing with other Gedolim who felt that Pikuah Nefseh argued in favor of making a land for peace deal. But that is beside the point of this post.)

His support for settlements did not diminish his sense of justice and righteousness. Which is why he felt that the only valid argument for supporting Israel is the Torah. Otherwise we had no right to march in there and take control. 

What about other compelling arguments for doing that? I’m sure R’ Ahron knew those arguments. He obviously felt that no matter what their need, colonizing land where other people lived was not right.

That being said, I am far more inclined towards the views expressed by Rabbi Yair Hoffman on VIN.  And yet, even there one can poke a few holes into what he said. For example: That our founding fathers did the same thing Israel’s founding fathers did does not make either of them right. There is also the fact that no Native American wants to drive the rest of us onto the sea. Nor do they even use their legitimate argument to insist giving the land our forefathers colonized belongs to them because they were here first. Native Americans simply want to be treated equally, much the same way black people do.

Why bring all this up at all? It is because of a viral video of where comic actor Seth Rogen trashes Both Israel and Judaism. Rabbi Hoffman took Rogin to task by countering his anti Israel diatribe with a well thought out response.

But if you think about it, Rogen’s view of the State of Israel doesn’t differ that much with R’ Ahron’s view - in the sense that they both agree that without the Torah, the Arabs would be right. The fact is that Rogein does not believe in the Torah – or any religion. Thus making our colonization of that land at the expense of the indigenous Arabs unjust. To quote Rogen (from VIN): 

“To me it (referring to Israel’s existence) just seems an antiquated thought process. If it is for religious reasons, I don’t agree with it, because I think religion is silly. If it is for truly the preservation of Jewish people, it makes no sense, because again, you don’t keep something you’re trying to preserve all in one place — especially when that place is proven to be pretty volatile, you know? “I’m trying to keep all these things safe, I’m gonna put them in my blender and hope that that’s the best place… that’ll do it.” It doesn’t make sense to me. And I also think that as a Jewish person I was fed a huge amount of lies about Israel my entire life! They never tell you that — oh by the way, there were people there.” 

There are two ways to come to Rogen’s point of view. Either because there was a lack of any serious Jewish education about our rights to that land. Or there was a relatively decent Jewish education but he went OTD – especially if it was because of intellectual reasons. Not sure which one applies to Rogen. Apparently he did have some sort of Jewish education but there is no way of knowing whether it was Orthodox, Reform, Conservative or communal.

Either way it leaves Jews like Rogen vulnerable to the anti Israel rhetoric made by Palestinian spokesmen and their sympathizers. Which include leftist academics, certain entertainment figures, and sometimes the mainstream media. Whose spin is almost always not in Israel’s favor.

If you don’t believe in the Torah or any religion, and are a liberal - then you tend to side with the underdog. It is then not much of a leap buying into the Palestinian narrative. I think that explains Rogen’s comments.

If you believe in the Torah that explicitly grants the Jewish people unequivocal ownership of the land, everything else Rabbi Hoffman says follows. It’s just too bad that this particular Jew does not.

Rogen is just another casualty of the trend of secular Jews leaving Judaism. He may still value a tradition or two (as in his example of sitting Shiva). But liking a particular ritual without believing in the Torah, makes it no more Jewish that an Irish wake.

Names, Not Numbers

My brother Jack and my grandson Mordechai

It was in the middle of winter in the Ukraine. The Holocaust was in full bloom. My father, uncle and 3 brothers were living in a hole in the ground. Literally. It was dug out by my uncle Aaron and my father after escaping their first bunker, which was discovered through the efforts of some people that found out about it and informed the Nazi occupiers of that town.

The first bunker was a magnificent structure built by my uncle Aaron right under the nose of the Nazis. It was located beneath the cellar of a building and not visible to the naked eye. It was built to accommodate 80 people. It had heat, electricity, running water, a sewer system, a radio, enough food stocked away for a year and plenty of toys and games for the children. It also had a plan for escape should they be discovered. Which my family did when they were.

Which brings me back to the 2^nd bunker which was also made by my Uncle Aaron with the help of my father  in the most rudimentary way - while on the run. A large hole in the ground - camouflaged with twigs that covered it. Next to that they dug another hole to be used as a sort of outhouse. Or better put – a huge toilet.

This is but a small part of my father and brothers’ experiences surviving the Holocaust. My uncle Aaron did not survive. Neither did my oldest brother, Yehudah. Whom I never met since I was born after the Holocaust. The rest of the story can be found in a previous post located here.

Today, only one of my brothers is still alive. His Holocaust experiences were so painful that he has never talked about it. It brought him too much pain.

Until now. He has decided to share this painful experience with the world as testimony that it really happened. And that the tortures of the Holocaust were not limited to the camps. As my family’s story well illustrates.

Last night I was witness to my brother Jack’s testimony along with his the testimony of his wife Anne, and that of 4 other survivors. It was produced, filmed, and edited earlier this year by a group high school seniors and juniors at my alma mater, HTC. (Today known as Fasman Yeshiva High School.)  One of the interviewers is my grandson, Mordechai Greenland who just graduated.

It is part of a national Holocaust remembrance project called ‘Names, Not Numbers’. It is a documentary about survivors. What better day than Tisha B’Av is there than to remember what happened to us just over 7 decades ago? As retold by those that lived through it. And to have the resolve to never let this happen to us again. Because, you see, Jewish lives matter, too.

I therefore am proud to feature this documentary. Right here. Right now.

COVID and Jewish Education

Some Arie Crown Hebrew Day School students

Is it a blessing in disguise? Or is it a curse? Maybe it’s neither. And the facts lie elsewhere.

I don’t know the answers to these questions. But they are certainly worth asking. I am talking about how the pandemic has impacted Jewish day school enrollment.  As Ben Sales  JTA article notes, it’s complicated.

To say the least!

Focusing first on non Orthodox days schools, Sales make that very clear. Some schools are experiencing an increase in enrollment. Some a decrease.

What about that increase? What’s causing it? Let us take one example mentioned by Sales, the Conservative movement’s Solomon Schechter Day School in Chicago. They are experiencing an “insane” level of interest from new families: 

Now (the) school is planning on full-time in-person instruction this fall, and families are flocking to it. The school is holding an event for 35 prospective families next week, and (Solomon  Schechter principal, Lena) Kushnir anticipates as many as five to 10 could wind up enrolling their children. 

This might make some of us wonder - if non Orthodox movements are really in danger of extinction – with polls showing an over 70% intermarriage rate, does that mean the polls are wrong after all? Are things turning around? I wish I could believe that. But that is exactly what it is. A wish. Not the reality.

I certainly understand why a family with 2 working parents would want their children to attend a full time in person school. Chicago schools have yet to determine what their structure and schedule will look like due to the pandemic. This unexpected boost in enrollment might be seen by their leaders an unexpected existential boost for the Conservative Movement. Their desire to reverse their trend towards oblivion is now being helped by a deadly virus

However, my guess is that at the end of the day, it won’t work. If the motivation is strictly a matter of convenience to working parents, the Jewish education their children will get in these schools will hardly last.

If they don’t see at home what they are taught in school, it is unlikely that it will making a lasting impression. So, I’m afraid the attrition out of Judaism will unfortunately continue – even as it might be somewhat delayed at the moment by increased enrollment due to the pandemic.

This also raises the question about how wise a full time in-person class schedule in the fall is. Is it a good idea? Even if all the precautions are implemented?

There is no question that no matter how careful the precautions are adhered to, daily attendance by hundreds of kids under one roof will increase the chances of community spread. The CDC has determined that COVID infected children over 10 years of age can spread the virus exactly the same way as adults can. And at the same rate. Only children are less likely to show symptoms. Which means that some children that were not infected before, may unknowingly become infected in school and unwittingly bring it home to their parents.

What about Orthodox day schools? What affect is the pandemic having there?  I guess it depends somewhat on where one lives. California for example is not allowing any in person classes. Not sure about New York or even my home town of Chicago. My guess is that there will be some sort of modified in person instruction combined with remote online line learning. 

The difference between day schools like Solomon Schechter and Orthodox day schools is the fact that despite the near unbearable tuition costs (even with the partial scholarships most parents get) the vast majority of Orthodox Jews know how invaluable a Jewish education is to perpetuating a Jewish future. In one Chicago day school that I am aware of, enrollment was up and hitting record numbers long before anyone ever heard of COVID. I’m sure that is true for just about every other day school in Chicago.

With rare exception, the education children get in these schools – sticks! That’s because what they are taught in the schools is practiced at home. COVID or no COVID, it doesn’t matter.

This doesn’t mean there is no debate among Orthodox parents about how schools should proceed based on the pandemic? Of course there is debate. Some think the schools should stay closed. Others think they should open up full time. Still others think there ought to be something in-beween. 

However, I believe the vast majority would agree that the main reason for sending their children to a day school is to perpetuate Judaism – convenience based on COVID being a distant second. Something Orthodox parents have always backed up with a willingness to pay for with backbreaking fees.

Good Trouble

John Lewis awarded the Medal of Freedom by President Obama (Boston Globe)

John Lewis was a role model for what it takes to make the promise of this country a reality for everyone. His passing has generated much praise about the life he lived - including praise from fellow public servants on both sides of the political aisle . Many have called him the conscience of congress. With good reason. Good trouble is what he called his protests. He rocked the boat of the segregationist South and got into trouble there for doing it. But it paid off.

He was willing to put his own life on the line for the cause of true equality in this country, albeit always through peaceful protest - following the example of his mentor, Dr. Martin Luther King. He knew and lived the suffering black people faced in the South because of segregation.

Although in theory the abolition of slavery meant that black people would be treated equally – if separately -  ‘separate but equal’ rights were anything but equal back in the 60s. I have no clue in what world segregation in the South could have ever been considered equal. It was a lie so obvious that even a small child could see it. It affected every aspect of their lives negatively depriving black people rights as basic as a decent public school education.

Not to mention the fact that voting rights were all but denied them (although on paper they weren’t) and the indignities they suffered. This is what the Civil Rights Movement was all about. Culminating with the Civil Rights Act outlawing segregation forever.  

The cost of getting there was not cheap. People were beaten and killed marching for those rights. At the age of 23, John Lewis was one of those beaten during the now famous march with Dr. King down the Edmund Pettus bridge in Selma, Alabama.

Among those who marched along arm in arm with Dr. King - proudly wearing a Kipa was Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heshel who was at that time an esteemed teacher and mentor to many students at Conservative Judaism’s flagship institution, JTS.

And who can forget  Chaney, Goodman, and Schwerner, freedom riders from the North – one of whom was black; 2 of whom were Jewish; all of whom were all killed on their way to join their fellow black citizens in the South.

Jewish participation in the Civil Rights Movement did not go unnoticed by John Lewis. This generated a lifelong positive relationship with the Jewish community. He understood that both communities had suffered discrimination over their long history and that both shared the dream of assuring equality for all Americans regardless of race, religion, or color.

Sadly that dream has not yet fulfilled its promise. The murder of George Floyd by a white Minneapolis cop was the last straw demonstrating that we have a long way to go. The segregated South of the past was not the only section of the country that was racist. There was still plenty of it to go around in all sections of the country. That murder has generated massive protests across the country under the banner of ‘black lives matter’. Most of them having the goal of eliminating racism at all levels of society.

Unfortunately some of those protests resulted in violence which undermined their cause. In some cases protest leaders were fighting for defunding and/or dismantling the police. And tearing down statues of American icons.

Cries by some protest leaders about how little progress has been made and how terrible conditions still are for black people was another thing that did not go unnoticed by John Lewis. He quickly reminded the world of all the progress that has been made since the days of the police bashing black heads back in Selma on that ‘Bloody Sunday’. Not the least of which was the election of a black President despite the fact that only 10% of the population is black.

One of the things that made Lewis great is that he was consistent no matter what the consequences. When asked to participate in the Million Man March organized by Louis Farrakhan, he refused to participate despite the huge public platform offered to him - citing Farrakhan’s antisemitism as the reason for refusing.

I want to therefore offer my own salute to this icon of the Civil Rights Movement. He did a lot for this country. If only the radicals trying to tear down this country in the name of racism would use him as their role model- imagine the progress that could be made. Instead of dividing the country they could unite it.

What Does Being Transgender Really Mean?

Yiscah Smith  (New York Post)

The first time I ever encountered the issue of transgenderism was on a made for TV movie many decades ago. I recall feeling great sympathy for the transgender child – a young boy that felt he was actually a girl. He was constantly bullied by his peers. What a way to have to go through life! I thought. But it gave me a measure of comfort to ‘know’ that this was an extremely rare and abnormal state of mind. The fact that I had never heard of it, underscored that belief.

Fast forward to today. It is obviously not as rare as I once thought. In fact as Rabbi Efrem Goldberg noted in a dramatic lecture on this subject, it is a lot more common that most of us would ever imagine it to be. He had in fact encountered such an individual in his own Shul.  A member who was otherwise an exemplar of Torah and Mitzvos asked him a Shaila (Halachic question) about whether he could - at age 60 - change his sex from a man to a woman. Rabbi Goldberg consulted a world class Posek (who apparently wished to remain anonymous) and was told that he gets 2 or 3 that Shailos like that every week!

Rabbi Goldberg went on to describe the pain such people go through – to the point of depression and even suicide. Although it is not clear what role Pikuach Nefesh plays in such decisions his answer was that it is not permissible to mutilate oneself for purposes of changing one’s sex. Rabbi Goldberg’s point however was that what these people feel is legitimate pain at their circumstance and they are not in some sort of rebellion against God. One may not judge them and instead should have great sympathy for what they go through.

I mention this in light of documentary film reviewed by Sarah Ridner in First Things. The film is about a former Chabad Shaliach (emissary) in the old city of Jerusalem. After a series of identity changes – he became an Orthodox woman whose name is now Yiscah Smith.

Interestingly his journey did not begin in Chabad. He was raised in a secular family and was drawn to examine his Judaism via a chance visit to Israel. After exploring several versions of Judaism including spending some time in the Jewish Theological Seminary, he eventually gravitated to Chabad Chasidus.  That is where he resided Hashkaficly for the next 20 years. Which included marriage and six children - ultimately becoming a Chabad Shaliach.

And yet after all that ‘soul searching’ he made another drastic change to his life by coming out as gay and abandoning Orthodoxy. After a 20 year loving relationship with his wife and children - he severed ties with them.

Apparently that was still not enough. There was still something missing in his life. Long story short he became a woman and returned to Orthodox observance. Now at almost 70 years of age, this is where and who he is.

So here we have someone who sincerely sought out spirituality found it, loved it, abandoned it and finally returned to it as a transgender human being. Whether this is the final version of Smith’s identity remains to be seen.

I do not buy Smith’s rationalization about the Torah’s impressibility to mutilate your body despite its clear prohibition. It is similar the rationalization by some in gay community about the permissibly of male gay sex  despite the Torah’s clear prohibition against that. But I certainly understand the attempt in both cases. If one seeks spirituality while at the same time trying to live their lives as they believe it was meant to live, it is only natural to try and find interpretations that fit into that model.

But the Torah does not work that way. If it did, it would practically be meaningless since one can find ways to interpret the Torah to mean anything one wishes - so that it fits with a personal circumstance or worldview. That is for example how the Conservative Movement permitted driving to Shul on Shabbos.

What prompted me to write about this case is that despite what is known about transgenderism, there was always something about it that made me question what it really is. What does it mean  to be a woman in a man’s body (or vice versa) in today’s world? Especially if one does not go through with the sexual reassignment surgery. Which is often the case. 

It used to be called cross-dressing and considered a mental disorder. It is also explicitly forbidden by the Torah. Now it no longer is considered a mental disorder (although it is still of course forbidden by the Torah). My issue with it was alluded to by the author: 

A secular woman can dress androgynously in a T-shirt and jeans and do most public things that a man does. In contrast, in order to appear as an Orthodox woman, Smith must wear long skirts or dresses, pray in the women’s section of the synagogue, and perform rituals reserved to women (such as lighting Sabbath candles)... 

Although Smith comes across sympathetically in I Was Not Born a Mistake, the film’s vision of womanhood as defined by lipstick, colorful formfitting clothing, and standing on the women’s side of the m’ḥitsah is shallow and brittle. 

It is in fact true that most secular women have no problem wearing men’s clothing. Blue jeans and a T-shirt is for example as normal as could be in our word today for either sex. And yet if a transgender man who did not have the surgery did that - would he feel like a woman wearing men’s clothing? I don't see how.  Does this not imply that it is in reality about cross-dressing and not about feeling like a woman? 

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have sympathy for transgender people. We should. Their pain is real. But I’m just not sure we can avoid calling it a mental disorder. At least not in all cases.

Just some of my thoughts.

Democracy Under Siege

A violent protest in Nashville in May sparked by the murder of George Floyd

Things are really starting to fall apart. I never thought I would live to see the world turned as upside down as it is today. Past Orthodoxies are now seen as lies.  Heroes are now seen as villains. Protests against things that have always been considered the ‘givens’ of a free society are now common.  There are now more protests than ever, some of which have turned violent – with public officials unable to do anything about them.

The media has now almost abandoned all pretense of objectivity. Free speech seems to be free only if it supports progressive ideals. 

On top of all that we are in the midst of a pandemic that seems to have no end. People are still dying in record numbers. Hospitals in highly populous states like California and Florida are filled to capacity with sick COVID patients - many of whom will not survive and die alone. 

The economy is tanking. Because of this pandemic, many businesses have closed down. Some of which will never reopen. People have lost jobs and will not be getting them back. People who had steady jobs are now unable to meet their financial obligations – in some cases unable to pay their mortgages or their rent... or even feed their families.  Schools have no idea how to open safely this fall if at all.

Entertainment venues that have been taken for granted for over a century are now gone. Concerts, live theater, movies, sporting events with cheering crowds, have all but disappeared. No more banquets, weddings with few guests. 

Meanwhile half the country treats the pandemic as if it doesn't exist while the other half takes it seriously. Which has caused violent confrontations in some cases. People walking around the streets with masks, and those who refuse to do so. Fights breaking out between them in some areas. Shuls operating under the weirdest of circumstances.

Legitimate protests against racism have given way to irrational demands challenging some of the basic institutions of a free society. More than ever - turning violent in some cases.

Last week there was a protest demanding the removal a statute of Columbus in a Chicago’s Grant Park. Friday night, the mayor removed the statue instead of protecting it. I know the mayor wanted to avoid conflict. But we should not be giving in to  mob rule. And yet that is what Mayor Lightfoot seems to have done.

The same thing is true in Portland where for over 8 weeks - a mob has taken over a police station and has not moved - demanding the police be dismantled. Portland’s mayor has basically conceded that territory to them  - saying that they are merely exercising free speech!

Yesterday there were even more protests in Chicago. One demanding that the police be de-funded since they only protect the wealthy. Another supporting the police whose job it is to protect the public without which there would be a major increase in violent crime. There was also a protest marching for peace. Meanwhile a group of up to 1000 motorcyclists (or more) rode wildly through the streets of Chicago - speeding through red lights - in some cases riding on sidewalks. 

Public officials seem to be conceding to the protesters demands against all common sense. Chaos now seems to be the new normal. 

Politically the country is more divided than ever. With each side continually moving further away from the center. Where we were once a nation guided by religious ideals, we are now guided by humanist ideals. More than ever - being religious is being compared to being ignorant – especially by the powerful entertainment industry. 

The 2 candidates for the highest office in the land are both less than desirable (to say the least) for different reasons.

I’m sure I have only scratched the surface of the problems we have now that  - less than a year ago were barely on anybody’s radar.

OK. It’s not the Holocaust. Not even close. There is no genocide. No one is being rounded up and being sent to concentration camps. Or kept in ghettos under guard of the Gestapo in unlivable conditions. There is no world war with soldiers being killed on the battlefield.

But we are not exactly living in paradise either right now. The world has gone mad - without a single shot being fired except by gangs shooting at each other and increasingly killing innocent bystanders.

I am discouraged. Is this the end of America as we know it? ...the America I know and love? Will this combination of events descending upon us all at once be the end of us? I sure hope not. If this democracy continues down the path of radicalism, I fear the replacement will make the former Soviet Union look like Paradise!

Conversion Therapy - Another Perspective

By Rabbi Shlomo Gegeben* 

2018 Gay Pride Parade in Boston (Boston Globe)

I received a very long comment in opposition to the views I expressed yesterday about conversion therapy. It was sent by a anonymous Rabbi who has been in Chinuch for many years. 

In the interest of fairness and balance - instead of responding to it, I have decided to feature it as a standalone post. It would otherwise get lost in a lengthy comment thread. I leave it to readers to make their own judgments.

However, whether one agrees with him or not… and no matter how strongly either way, I ask that any responses to this post be done with the same respectful tone the writer uses. I believe he is a sincere and kind man whose only desire is to do what is right in the eyes of God and man. His words follow.

Rabbi Maryles, I ask you to please read this with an open mind and I request that you reach out to me after you hear what I have to say, because I fear that someone like yourself who means very well can, in writing such an article, possibly be aiding in the life of pain and "torture" of young men that you so wish to avoid.

You have stated that what you call conversion therapy is really "torture" therapy, and that those that it helped were really not gay in the first place. You say that this is based on the so called experts. To say that those that it helped weren't really gay in the first place is an opinion that cannot be proven.

I challenge you to put together a list of 10 highly respected frum therapists in the field that would say outright that "someone who is gay and has only been attracted to men his whole life can never become attracted to women in a way that can lead to a healthy long term Torah marriage".

You yourself say that it might indeed be possible. If it is indeed possible as you suggest to have a happy and fulfilled lasting marriage it will only be possible with such a therapy. Anyone entering in such a marriage without this type of therapy is as you said, bound to cause irreparable damage to not only his wife but the children of this marriage.

You yourself are not sure whether it is nature or nurture. If indeed it is based on nurture how is it logical to say that there is no way in the world it can be reversed. Even if there is a biological element, do you know that today many therapists understand OCD to be totally physiological, yet it could practically be eradicated?

It is indeed rare. Do you know why it is rare totally get rid of OCD? It is because it is difficult, very difficult work on the part of the patient. Go to the OCD center in Modiiin today and meet with a Dr. Ben Arush who utilizing in his therapy intense CBT (aided with medicine) has totally eradicated OCD from his patients who no longer need medication or therapy today.

Could it be that those that don't stick with what you incorrectly call "conversion torture therapy" is because we live in a world today that views hard work as torture.

The fact that the internet bashes what they call "conversion therapy" has to be taken with a grain of salt. The gay community is very powerful and if such a therapy would be possible it would go against all the progress they have strived for in gaining acceptance as an equally acceptable lifestyle.

Rabbi Maryles I am a Rebbe in the trenches and I know that there are many super sophisticated therapists both frum, non frum, non-Jewish who believe in this type of therapy for those who truly want to put in the hard and extremely difficult work necessary to live an ideal Torah life. These young men desire to one day be a loving husband to a wife that they are attracted to physically and be a father to a family with kids to be mechanech in a healthy home.

The fact that this is not publicized is because these therapists will literally get destroyed and labeled as a "torturer" an "abuser" as you put it and even worse. These therapists risk their livelihoods to help these individuals understand the source and basis for their attraction to men and how with hard work they can reach their desired goal of living a much happier fulfilled life as a heterosexual male.

The fact that these young men, many now with adult children of their own, do not tell their stories, like those who tell of their "terrible abusive experience with their therapist", is because these individuals are extremely private. Their life history is not something that they want to announce to the world nor should they. They have kids that they have to protect and they are right to be concerned their children will find out about their past.

Rabbi Maryles, if you reach out to me as I requested, I believe I can educate you in this area and introduce you via telephone to a talmid of mine who chose this therapy after trying many others and who now is living in a wonderful marriage with 3 beautiful healthy children. He is probably one of the best husbands that I know. This therapy has stood the test time as it is close to 20 years ago when the story that I now tell begins.

I have been a Rebbi for the past 35 years dealing with modern orthodox Talmidim both in high school and in Israel.

Approximately 25 years ago, while living in the west coast, I had a talmid in a high school that was one of the finest talmidim I have ever had. He was the perfect student, the perfect teenager with sterling midos. Towards the end of high school this talmid came to me about a "friend" of his, struggling with what many teenage boys struggle with. He was feeling much guilt because everyone thought him to be a great good frum kid. He wanted to know if I can help his "friend".. I couldn't imagine at the time that it was indeed himself that he was talking about.

Fast forward a number of years. I had moved to Israel to become a Rebbi there and he had gone to Israel for two years to learn in a high level Hesder Yeshiva and had since returned to the US. On one of my recruitment trips to America he asked to come see me. i then was blown away when I heard from him how he started realizing he was gay in high school and it came to a head in Yeshiva in Israel when he started to be attracted to other Talmidim in Yeshiva.

After unfortunately not getting the proper advice from his mashgiach in Yeshiva he returned to America. He became depressed as well and started to see a very highly respected therapist. The approach of this therapist was the classic "acceptance" of who he is approach, which for him only made him more depressed. It meant never being a father, husband all things that he understood intellectually was the ideal lifestyle for bringing hashem into this world and passing on our mesorah to the next generation.

I suggested another well known therapist to him that was known to work with guys struggling with this. He really took to this new therapist and respected him greatly but years were going by and he was not really getting anywhere. Very concerning for him and for me as his Rebbi, was that he was starting to get involved in more dangerous activity, to the point where he had an actual AIDS scare.

Back in Israel a well respected therapist suggested to me the type of therapy that you disparage here on your blog . This therapy based on a real understanding of the cause of same sex attraction, was developed by a Mormon doctor named Niccolosi from California.

Months later after doing much research on this therapy and my talmid getting more and more clinically depressed he started therapy with a so called "Talmid Muvhak" or close student of Dr. Niccolosi.

Unfortunately, the therapy was way too difficult for him. He didn't call it torture but it was just too unpleasant. It challenged him to do things against his nature (nurture?). He asked him to do things that although halachikly permissible were actions that the average person just would not do.

He asked of me after telling me the things required of him by his therapist, should he stick with it. I told him that only he could decide, but one thing I did tell him was that this was the first therapist that made him feel uncomfortable. The first one that was making him do hard work. He stopped seeing him and went back to his old therapist.

After dreying for over a year again with the old therapist, who is a wonderful person as well, he came to the conclusion together with the therapist that he was stuck .

He came back and asked me, now what. I told him, sounds crazy, but the "Niccolosi" therapist was the only one that really challenged him to the point where he was uncomfortable. He went back and did the grueling (synonymous with torturous?) work necessary. After another year and a half of intense therapy he got married to a wonderful girl who he told of his past, so there were no secrets. It is twenty years later and he has a wonderful marriage and is extremely successful professionally.

This talmid over the years has been a source of tremendous help to other talmidim of mine struggling with "same sex attraction". He does not push the therapy on anyone because he realizes that it is something that the patient himself has to be ready to put in the hard uncomfortable work and has to also realize that when things get tough there is a big depraved western world out there.

Secular society which we are all exposed to will discourage him in this endeavor and tell him that he is someone that is and will always be gay and should embrace the lifestyle.

Unfortunately, you and many other well meaning individuals making it that much harder for someone to not give up and say that he is doomed for life. Please give me a call, do the real research, with real people and then write your retraction, Thank you.

*This is not my real name and some of the details of the story (have been changed) so as not to reveal the identity of my talmid.

Where is the Compassion?

LGBT flag on Jerusalem's King George Street, July 31, 2018 (Jerusalem Post)

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Vayikra -18:22)

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Vayikra – 20:13)

I cite these two Pesukim to make it perfectly clear that the act referred to in them are serious violations of the Torah of a capital nature. And to be absolutely clear, the act in question is male to male anal sex. That is what the Torah forbids on such a grand scale.

I mention this only because I don’t want my understanding of the nature of homosexuality to be misunderstood. While I of course condemn the act, I unequivocally do not condemn people that are attracted to members of the same sex. In fact I accept and respect them for who they are and do not investigate how they express those feelings. That is between them and God. Nor do I necessarily suspect them of violating the prohibitions outlined in the Torah.

There is nothing new in this statement. I have said it all before. Many times. I have also addressed the idea of ‘Conversion Therapy’. Which suggests that same sex attraction can be altered by way of torture (for lack of a better description). Conversion therapy actually tries to torture people out of their natural desires.  An enterprise that has been disproved for the most part. 

To he extent that there has been any success at all, it is very likely with people that were unsure about their sexuality – and were probably heterosexual at the core. For those that have no doubt about who they are attracted to, it doesn’t work. Despite claims to the contrary. Experts in the field have made that determination and I have no reason to doubt them.

As I have also said before, I have no clue whether there is a ‘gay gene’. There has as of yet been no conclusive medical or scientific proof one way or the other. What is clear, however, is that whether it is nature or nurture, once same sex attraction sets in, it is not subject to change. To put it the way Woody Alan did about his attraction to his stepdaughter, Soon-Yi Previn, ‘The heart wants what it wants!’

This is why I oppose conversion therapy. Not because I support a gay lifestyle. But because it is a ‘Bracha  L’Vatalah’ (a euphemism for waste of time). It may actually cause harm in a form of sexual abuse! 

So again. I want to make sure that my position on this is clear. I support the right of people to know who and what they are and to accept them that way. And not to judge them. We are not God’s accountants.

I bring this all up now because of what happened in the Israeli Keneset as reported in the Jerusalem Post yesterday:

The Knesset approved a bill to ban psychologists from practicing conversion therapy in Israel on Wednesday, amid a stormy plenum vote. The bill passed with 42 for and 36 against, with haredi members of the government threatening consequences after coalition members voted in support of the bill...

"Shame and disgrace" shouted some haredi MKs after the bill passed…

The United Torah Judaism Party announced on Wednesday that it was releasing itself from all obligations towards the coalition and was considering further steps. UTJ added that they would file a number of bills concerning religion and the state to the coalition in the coming week.

UTJ MK Yisrael Eichler denounced the approval of the bill, saying "the government died in the epidemic of abomination laws."

The haredi Shas Party announced that it would not take part in votes at the Knesset plenum until further notice.

With this kind of vehement opposition, you would think the Keneset just passed a law legalizing murder!  Not a word about distinguishing between the attraction from the act. Implying that the natural physical attraction itself should be condemned. 

That is not what this law is about. It is about the first rule of the Hippocratic Oath: First, do no harm!

I understand why they support such ‘therapy’. They want to prevent people from committing a capital sin based on those attractions. They believe it is possible to change same sex attractions and have ‘proof’ in the many ‘successes’ brought about by such therapies. 

I doubt that is really the case. As noted it is far more likely that those successes were for those confused about their sexuality. Not about those that are hard-wired to it.

If someone wants to seek psychological help about their sexual attractions, I have no issue with that. God bless them. There are mental help professionals that are equipped to deal with that. But conversion therapy is not one of them.

Whether a gay man can get married to a woman and have a relatively normal life is a discussion for another day. I would not advise it, although I know there are such marriages that are successful. The problem is that more often them not, they are anything but successful. In some cases causing irreparable damage to the children of such a marriage.

I suppose that another reason the Charedi parties are so upset is because they see supporting gay people the same as supporting the violation of the Torah itself.  Had they not been opposed, it would be the same as supporting a Toeivah.

This is one of the things I question about Charedi world. Everything is either black or white. Good or evil. No nuance. No grey. In this case and with an attitude like that - innocent people get hurt. Where is their compassion?

The Educational Crisis Created by COVID

Should schools reopen in the fall? (Torah Day School of Phoenix)

No one is more committed than I am to fighting the coronavirus pandemic.  I need not repeat the numerous times I have urged everyone to follow the guidelines issued by health officials. My view should be obvious by now. Those who do not follow those guidelines are self centered individuals oblivious to the dangers they might be responsible for by unknowingly spreading the disease.

How likely is that to happen to Orthodox Jews in New York - in light of evidence showing that in many Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods that early on had a very high infection and death rate - now no longer seem to have any? If that is indeed the case, I can’t really answer the question. I don’t know that anyone can.

Consider this though. New information released yesterday is that the actual COVID infection rate may be more than triple of what is being reported. A lot of people that might have tested positive never got tested because they did not have symptoms. And yet were nevertheless highly contagious and spreading the disease.

                                                                     

The question arises that if there are so many asymptomatic carriers and so few cases (if any) being reported in those communities, then perhaps COVID-19 is not as deadly as we are being led to believe? 

That is of course a major mistake. Clearly people have died and are still dying. The elderly and those with underlying health conditions are still highly vulnerable to getting very sick and dying. This is an insidious disease which seems to be defying all attempts to bring it under control. The more asymptomiatic a contagious disease is, the greater the danger it becomes to the vulnerable. If care is not taken by all to follow the guidelines, there is no way of preventing a vulnerable individual from contracting it from someone unknowingly infected. And the disease may be spread exponentially that way since asymptomatic people will give it to other people that will be asymptomatic. Contact tracing will be virtually impossible to do.

So that no community is really safe. Even though they might think they are for lack of seeing anyone displaying any symptoms. 

All that being said, I wish there were no contravening issues. Strange as that might be for someone like me that believes we must protect ourselves at all cost, I nevertheless know that things are never that black and white. The world we all once knew before the pandemic will probably never return. This doesn’t mean that we will not eventually get back to normal. We will. But ‘normal’ will not look the same for a variety of reasons that are beyond the  scope of this post.

However, for those of us that worry about Jewish continuity, there is one issue that warrants our attention: Educating our young. I don’t believe it is arguable that without the day school and Yeshiva high school system that has developed,  the state of Orthodox Judaism would not be much better off than  Conservative and Reform. Without an intensive and sustained Jewish education it’s highly unlikely that you will follow its beliefs and tenets. In a land as free as ours, it would only be a matter of time before Orthodoxy would go the way of other denominations. They are on the precipice of extinction.

Most Orthodox Jews realize this and therefore send their children to religious schools at least through high school. Even though the cost of doing so involves great financial sacrifice in a majority of cases. True, there have been some murmurings about home schooling and other such alternatives by a few parents that felt they could not handle the overburdening nature of educating their children. But most Orthodox parents bite the bullet and send their kids to religious schools.

However, after months of being away from the classroom and seeing that one can be educated without personal contact, I am worried that what is happening online now might continue to be a financially attractive option for some parents. But any educator will tell you online education is no substitute for in class personal participation. 

Once you are at home and not in a classroom environment there will be distractions. Who is going to monitor their children to assure they ‘attend’ those online classes – and not play video games instead? Most households have both parents working these days. Even one parent stays home, they surely cannot be expected to be on top of all of their children every day for hours at a time. And yet with tuition being so high, it wouldn’t surprise me that having experienced it they will consider this option – assuming the cost would be a fraction of what tuition usually is.

The other side of the coin is that with less tuition money coming in after the pandemic , I don’t see how any schools can afford to retain the standards they had before it.

Which is why an argument can be made for re-opening schools for the fall. The longer they stay closed, the less likely the educational paradigm we are all used to will remain the same.

The problem of course is how do do so with the dangers of the pandemic lurking around us. How does a school open up when putting so many children in a room together daily for hours at a time? Is there no concern for the fact children are the most likely to not be symptomatic and yet become contagious? 

And what about the teachers and other staff that come into contact with the children? How can the spread of disease be controlled when these conditions exist? 

The desire to open up the schools is not only an issue for Orthodox Jews. Public schools across the country are struggling with this issues. Parents want schools open in the fall. Teahchers want them closed for fear of getting infected. 

Heath officials have said schools can  re-open  if all the health precautions are adhered to. The question is whether they will be. How realistic is it to make sure every student wears a mask every moment while in school and stay socially distant from everyone the entire school day?

If I were a parent, I would be reluctant to send my kids into a precarious situation like that. The chance of getting the disease and remaining asymptomatic is too great. On the other hand, how would it be possible to keep my children home all day and to make sure they are fully engaged with an online class?

I think parents are divided over this. I see both sides of the issue and I have no answer.

A Rasha in the Guise of a Tzadik

Mizrachi and his list of 'heretics' (Rationalist Judaism)

I have to disagree with Rabbi Natan Slifkin. Yosef Mizrachi was never a laughing matter. He was not amusing or entertaining. He is and always was every bit as evil and dangerous as Rabbi Slikin now concludes. And probably always will be. He is a Rasha of the worst kind. Because he will likely never do Teshuva - believing that his evil works are actually Mitzvos!  

In that vein he has  condemned some of the finest rabbis in all of Orthodoxy. Including some Charedi rabbis (which he considers himself to be!).

He is and always will be an unrepentant Rasha in the guise of a Tzadik.

Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to people like this. Fools like him are a dime a dozen. The problem is that Mizrachi has a large following. Mostly of new Baalei Teshuva whose naiveté about Judaism leads them to hang on his every word - believing them to be gospel. And he has a lot of words online.

It isn’t so much his fire and brimstone approach to Judaism that is so troubling. Although I strongly disagree with his almost exclusive focus on ‘crime and punishment’ it does exist. It is his application of it that troubles me. But what troubles me most is how strongly he builds himself up as the savior of Judaism. Comparing himself to Moshe Rabbenu while attacking those that criticize him – calling them heretics! Which is now in the form of a poster with pictures of 16 of them. And now he has a ‘fellow traveler’ by the name of Yaron (Ron) Reuven with a similar following who pretty much does the same thing. And if that isn’t bad enough, there is this: 

Mizrachi and Reuven often not-so-subtly call for violence and even execution of "heretics." Now, I don't think that the two of them would ever actually act on it; Mizrachi wants to do nothing more than speak to his sniggering fans, and "Ron" Reuven already had one run-in with the law and is probably afraid of another one. But their groupies are a different matter.

The most devoted followers of Mizrachi and Reuven are often of poor character – crass people, hateful people, violent people. Mizrachi himself has boasted of criminals and murderers who are followers of his; he once proudly described how he has a devoted follower who wanted to actually murder one of his critics 

This is not the first time I have dealt with Mizrachi.  But Rabbi Slifkin has placed a new urgency on the matter. It is not out of the realm of possibility that one of his ‘fans’  who has a nefarious past might be motivated to actually do ‘Teshuva’ by murdering one of those ‘heretics’!

That Mizrachi and his fellow travelers might actually believe that they are warriors on behalf of God does not make them any less evil. Their good intentions (if that’s what they really are) are so misguided that they cannot be excused or explained away. They are paving the road to hell instead of the road to heaven they claim to be paving.

It is with this in mind that I renew my call for all rabbinic leaders across the entire spectrum of Orthodoxy to issue a signed document of condemnation of Mizrachi and others like him. 

This is one area where there can and should be Achdus. Mizrachi is a dangerous man with many followers and needs to be stopped.  As do others like him. Let him finally be put he belongs - outside the pale of Judaism.

One more thing. There are those that might worry about all the Baalei Teshuva that follow people like this. What will happen to them if he is so strongly condemned! for me the answer is simple. this that adhere to his version of Judiams need to be disabused of that abuse. They need to realize that the man they follow is evil and does not represent Judaism at all. In the event that we might lose some of them by condemning the man they see as Moshe Rabbenu is  costly. But it will be far more costly to allow this preacher of hate with not so veiled threats of violence against his critics to continue his evil ways unabated.

Adhere to All the Rules!

Rav Shumel Ashkenazi, ZTL (VIN)

When a 98 year old person passes away, it is not all that remarkable. But  not so in this case. More about that later.

98 is a pretty ripe old age. Most human beings never get there. So the recent announcement of the Petirah (death) of Rav Shmuel Ashkenazi last Shabbos would normally not raise too many eyebrows. Other than the fact that yet another great Torah figure of the last generation has passed away. To quote VIN:

(Rav) Ashkenazi was a prolific author with encyclopedic knowledge who over a 70-year period wrote an incredible number of articles on all aspects of Jewish knowledge. The articles have only recently been compiled into a number of volumes as Rav Shmuel was extremely meticulous about proofreading and checking every word he wrote.

So what makes this case different? It is the way he died. He succumbed to COVID-19. The fact that he was high risk because of his age is not the issue. It is how he got infected:

Rabbi Ashkenazi lived in Batei Ungarin in Jerusalem and was very careful in recent months not to go to Shul but hoped that the danger of the coronavirus would pass so that he could return to praying there. When the public thought that the danger of coronavirus had passed in late May, the 98-year-old rabbi decided to go to shul.

However Kikar Hashabat reports that Rav Shmuel did not know that one of the worshipers had COVID-19 and apparently had come to shul despite suffering from the symptoms of the virus. The patient sat not far from Rabbi Ashkenazi and soon afterwards the tell-tale signs of the virus appeared on Rabbi Ashkenazi. After a few weeks he succumbed to the virus.

Family members were furious and said that despite his advanced age, Rabbi Ashkenazi had no prior conditions and only died because he was infected by a person who had violated the regulations.

By coincidence in another story VIN reported the following:

Rabbi Asher Weiss, the head of the Darkei Torah institutions, discussed a heartwrenching question he received from a person who had been sick with coronavirus and is almost certain that he was responsible for another person getting infected and then dying from the virus.

Rabbi Weiss said that the person sat and cried in front of him and asked for a way to repent his sin. 

VIN does not detail what Rav Asher’s response to him was. But he did say the following:

“(T)his Jew will never forgive himself and therefore I beseech everyone: Adhere to all the rules! We are men of Torah and men of faith.”

I have no clue if the 2 stories are related. Perhaps this is the man who infected 98 year old R’ Ashkenazi. Perhaps not. But the moral of these stories should not be lost on anyone. Which is not to make light of the current pandemic – or say that it isn’t really affecting us.  Or say that most people don’t get all that sick even if the do get infected. Or that even of they do, they recover. Especially if they are young and healthy.

Unfortunately that is exactly the trend right now. It doesn’t matter whether you are a religious Jew or a secular non Jew. The more this situation drags on, the more people I see in the streets without masks and not social distancing.

People are sick and tried of wearing masks. They are sick and tired of social distancing. The barriers are breaking down. Just this morning for the first time since I began Davening with a Minayan again, a fellow walked into Shul without a mask. Walking about freely among us as though the virus didn’t exist.

Every day that passes I see more people doing things like this.

I recently had a conversation with a prominent Charedi activist who said that although he was very careful about following all the rules at first, he decided to loosen up on therm.

He speculated that he must have some kind of immunity since he knows he was exposed to the virus early on and never tested positive. He also speculated that in communities like his that had a major breakout early on there have since been few if any cases of COVID. And that there may also be some sort of herd immunity going on by now. Meaning those that the many Jews in his neighborhood that got it early have long since recovered, are now immune, and not contagious. The rest are not going to catch it for a lack of enough people there to catch it from. Or because they haven’t had it and have some sort of natural immunity.

It’s human nature, I suppose. I too am sick and tired of living like this. I hate wearing a mask every time I go out. I hate not being able to connect with my children and grandchildren other than in the virtual reality of Zoom or Facetime. I hate not being able to go to a real Shiur. I hate the way attending a Minyan now has become so sterile.

But I am not abandoning the rules. Because what happened to Rav Ashkeanzi could happen to me. Just because I have not gotten sick yet doesn’t mean I am immune. Just because I am in perfect health doesn’t mean I am not at risk. Just because other older people have somehow survived the virus, doesn’t mean I will.

It is extremely upsetting to me that so many of us have decided to become so lax about following the rules – and in some cases abandoning them entirely. All while people are still getting sick and dying. Those of us that live in states that are not suffering as badly as others are still not immune. The chances of getting sick may be less. But the virus has not gone away.

And even though it’s true that most young and healthy people fully recover, not everybody is young or healthy. Some are neither. The fact that you may not worry about getting that sick yourself because you are both young and healthy is no guarantee that you won’t.

Is it ignorance? Or is it distrust about what health experts are saying? I believe it is both. I just wish that people would heed to what medical experts are telling us to do and follow the rules! No matter how uncomfortable they are. I I agree with Rav Weiss: Adhere to all the rules! We are men of Torah and men of faith.

Doing anything less shows a reckless disregard for the welfare of others. And may lead one to experience what Rav Weiss’s petitioner will for the rest of his life: Extreme guilt about being responsible for the death of an innocent human being.

One final thought. Heath officials believe that if everyone in the entire country would wear a mask and practiced social distancing, we could drive this virus into the ground. It is for this reason that I would love to see a federal mandate requiring every American citizen or resident to wear a mask when out of their home. With a steep fine if caught without one. If that were done we might just be able to get back to normal a lot sooner than we think. Isn’t that what we all want?

The Silent Majority Needs to Make Some Noise

Another police riot in Chicago? Media bias at its worst (Chicago Tribune)

Is there a silent majority in this country? I believe there is. That term generally refers to the majority of Americans that have the kind of traditional values that made this country great and tend to support the decisions of their elected officials. But do not tend to talk about them.

The term silent majority is associated with former President Richard Nixon. He used it in a 1969 pitch to the American people to support the Viet Nam War. He believed that the vast majority of Americans silently agreed with his Viet Nam war policies - in contradistinction to the very vocal and sometimes violent anti war protests that had begun under his predecessor, LBJ. Which intensified under his watch.  

I never voted for Nixon. But I think he was right about the silent majority. And I believe it still exists. Although I think it needs to be redefined somewhat. While most Americans still have traditional values they have been influenced by a variety of factors that have given way to the cultural milieu of our time. For example the traditional view of homosexual sex has gone from seeing it as deviant  to seeing it as a protected right.  

The silent majority is more flexible today about certain values. But I still believe that for the most part most Americans still have the values that made this country great.  And that they are still silent about expressing them while trying to live up to them quite openly.

This might be one reason President Trump won the 2016 election. I don’t think he could have won without that kind of silent support. Those voters did not like the direction this country was going. Some of them might have even voted for the previous President! 

Even though the polls predicted Trump would lose, the silent majority spoke up when it counted. Although Trump lost the popular vote there were certainly a lot of people whose views were not reflected in the polls. (As an aside, I don’t think that will happen in the next election for a variety of reasons beyond the scope of this post.)

Which brings me to the current trend that seems to be throwing traditional values to the wind. I say ‘seems’ because I don't think that is the actual trend. But the mainstream media loves to stir the pot by focusing on the not so silent, vocal (and often violent) small minority of people that have anything but traditional values. When the mainstream media focuses on the kind of thing that happened Friday night in Chicago without noting that it was a small minority and not the  mainstream, the viewer can easily conclude that what those people were  protesting is the prevailing view of most Americans. Making their own view seem to be in the minority. From the Chicago Tribune: 

Activists and elected officials on Saturday morning called on Mayor Lori Lightfoot to take down the Christopher Columbus statue in Grant Park, after confrontations Friday night between police and protesters resulted in injuries to officers and protesters, and at least 12 arrests.

The officials also condemned what they said were violent tactics on the part of police officers to quell the protest, including one instance where they said an officer hit an 18-year-old woman, knocking her teeth out. 

In the current climate where the police are being painted as the source of all evil - the image of police in violent conflict with protesters makes it seem like the 1968 ‘police riots’ all over again. The police clashed with anti-war activists protesting the Democratic National Convention held in Chicago that year. The media characterized it as an unprovoked bloody police confrontation against peaceful protesters. Hardly a word about how some of the more radical elements of those protesters provoked the police response. I am not condoning the reaction of the Chicago police at that time. Just noting the media slant on it. And that this was again the case last Friday night in Chicago.

If one were to make a judgment about  policing in America by following media reports and the lack of any counter protests - it would not be unreasonable to conclude that the call for de-funding and disbanding the police was the the right thing to do and is the actual will of the American people. 

Adding to that perception is that some media reporters characterized these protesters as peaceful. Implying that the police were not provoked - and just wanted to bash a few heads. The message is that the world would be  better off without the police - better served with by the social service agencies those protesters seek to replace them with. 

I don’t believe for a moment that this is the case. I firmly believe that the silent majority supports the police. While at the same time agreeing that there needs to be a reassessment of police policy that will assure fair treatment of minorities by police departments all across the country - ridding them of any and all racism.

I also believe the vast majority of Americans  do not want to see statues of Columbus or any other important historic figure defaced, destroyed, or  taken down  And that they are as upset about these kinds of protests as I am. As is Chicago’s black mayor, Lori Lightfoot. 

The mainstream media should be faulted for exacerbating this problem. 

It would be great if the silent majority were not so silent. Mainstream America should be heard. It would speak volumes if for example there were a ‘million man march’ in Washington DC attended by a cross section of Americans ranging from the politically liberal to the politically conservative. The purpose of which was  to support the police... and oppose destroying statues of Columbus or any other historic figure that contributed to this great country. The media would be forced to cover it. That would put to rest the notion that America in danger of becoming radicalized beyond recognition.

I wish some prominent Americans would organize an event like that and to show the world (and ourselves) that we hold traditional American values to be ‘truths that are self evident’. Let America come out in unprecedented numbers.

Unfortunately I doubt that will happen. Besides, it is not really a good idea anyway until this pandemic is eradicated. But it’s a shame that the radicals among us are not bothered by it. And end up the only ones making noise.

Leading a Double Life is a Bad Idea

Ayala Fader -  author of Hidden Heretics (Jewish Review of Books)

Leading a double life usually means behaving one way publicly and  another way secretly. This is no less true of religious people. For example the many Catholic priests who pretended to be celibate but in reality were pedophiles.

But what about Jews that are publicly observant but no longer believe? They too are double lifers. I have long been interested in the phenomenon of people that were brought up to be observant and left the fold. (Just as I have been interested in people that were raised secular and became observant.) 

What possessed them to change their lives so radically?  And why do so many of them continue to live observant lives?

Michal Leibowitz has written a fascinating review of a book on the subject by Ayala Fader that deals with some of these questions. 

Leibowitz begins by noting the failure of a Yeshiva Rebbe in trying to prevent students from losing their faith via heretical material they may come into contact with: 

Get exposed to it, even accidentally, and you’ve damaged your brain with a tiny hole, spiritually speaking, that is. Do it often enough and you’ve got hundreds of holes; you’re effectively damaged goods. Not that the Torah is false (CH”VSH) [chas ve-shalom, God forbid], just that you as an individual are no longer capable of resisting the falsehoods of the world. 

What he ended up doing is telling his students that our belief system cannot withstand the rigors of the onslaught of online heretical challengers. Calling them falsehoods without explaining why is completely ineffective. Leaving many curious minds with the feeling that they have been lied to by their religious teachers. 

Without a way to address that material the results are often tragic (if you consider going OTD tragic – which I do). losing ones faith. That leaves one of two options. Either being open about it and risk losing your family, friends and community - or staying in the closet about it. 

The way that Yeshiva Rebbe dealt with it is a function of the way the internet was been treated by the Charedi world when the issue was first tackled. Which was to try and ban it altogether. At first it was about the ease fo accessing porn. Which it certainly was and still is. But the greater danger was in accessing the intellectual arguments made by atheists and skeptics. The web is flooded with sites like that. 

As noted many times here in the past, banning online access (which is what he Charedi world attempted to do) is a bad idea that mostly has the opposite effect. A ban is almost a guarantee that young people will want to see what all the fuss is about.

It is no longer realistic (or perhaps even impossible) to avoid contact with material like that anyway ever since the advent of smartphones. A ban on smartphones was also attempted by the Charedi world. That doesn’t work any batter than banning the internet does. Smartphones are as ubiquitous in the Charedi world as black hats are. Filters are easily overridden by the curious young who are very adept at doing that. Making it very easy to find heretical answers to questions that were either never dealt with or improperly dealt with by their religious teachers.  Skeptics and atheists challenge the very notion of God’s existence - let alone the legitimacy the Jewish belief system - or any organized religious belief system. There is little if any online presence challenging those challengers.  

If we are going to do anything about it we must recognize that this is where the problem lies.  Our educators need to be educated. It is counterproductive to respond that way that Rebbe did by simply telling their students to avoid it. There needs to a concerted online effort by the Jewish educational system – across the entire spectrum of Orthodoxy to respond to the challenges raised online.

Staying observant for purposes of public consumption while not believing in Judaism anymore - and perhaps not even God is no way to live. The anxiety that generates in the double lifers  is a prescription for depression or worse. Then there  is always the fear of being discovered. Coming out of the closet may end up with losing one’s family and being shunned by the community

None of those options are any good. Which is why something needs to be done and fast. The sooner the better.

Meanwhile the problem seems to  be growing and the options for those that lose their faith are not good. as noted openly losing your faith and publicly dropping observance will come at a price that may by impossible to bear.

But faking it by becoming a double lifer comes at a price too. one that may eventually be impossible to pay.

Performing rituals that are meaningless for the purpose of public consumption may end up being detected as such.  And how does one justify sending children to a religious school if the belief is what is being taught is untrue?

And yet as Leibowitz notes there seems to be a lot of non believers in the closet doing just that. How long with they be able to live a lie until they are discovered? What will be the consequences of that?And will they be able to bear it?