What we will not be doing as a club is writing the egregious statement: “This club is for students who seek to fully maintain traditional halachic standards of sexual morality as defined by the Shulchan Aruch,” on our posters and communications.
Sadly, with this one declarative comment by Hareni - included in an op-ed at YU’s student newspaper The Observer - they have undermined the very
conditions they agreed upon when granted permission by YU to form their gay club.
That being said, I agree with much of the rest of their
statement. There is indeed a high degree of abandonment, depression, and
suicide among gay Orthodox Jews. Something that has been going on for years.
The reason is not malice, but rather a lack of empathy on
the part of the broader Jewish community. This lack stems largely from a
failure to distinguish between being gay and acting on same-sex attraction in
ways that are explicitly forbidden by the Torah, which considers such acts a
capital offense. It is difficult for some people to make this distinction, but
that doesn’t excuse the lack of understanding.
Hareni is aware of the halachic issues involved. But they seem to imply that halacha can be sidelined in favor of Hashkafa and social needs.
First of all a Hashkafa that ignores the severity of homosexual
acts as defined by Halacha does not exist. But I do understand the need for
community and social connection. Especially when Pikuach Nefesh (saving a life)
is involved.
Hareni proposes a flawed approach to Halacha,
implying that each individual has the right to interpret or disregard Halacha
as they see fit. That is not how Halacha functions. We are required to follow it
regardless of personal feelings, no matter how difficult that may be.
Even so, I wholeheartedly agree that we must do what we can to ensure gay and trans Jews feel safe and supported.
They must have a sense of well-being, a sense of belonging, and the ability to live to their fullest potential. Simply put: before one can engage with halachic questions, they must feel safe in their community. They must feel well. They must still be alive.
This is a responsibility the Orthodox world has yet to fully
embrace. We must do better. We must not treat gay Jews as pariahs - God
forbid. Especially given the life-and-death nature of the issue.
On the other hand, we must never allow pride in one's
sexuality to become the central feature of one’s identity. Especially when that
sexuality can involve actions that Halacha forbids.
Hareni says it does not want pity or condescension.
That should be obvious. No one likes condescension or to be pitied. But empathy
is not pity. Empathy means putting yourself in their shoes and having a sincere
understanding of their struggle and the public scorn they often endure - whether
direct or subtle. Especially from well-meaning Jews that don’t fully grasp the
difference between being gay and acting on it.
Gay and trans people seek respect and human dignity. This is
something I have long advocated. I have never supported pity or condescension.
I am strongly opposed to both.
The Hareni statement then continues by explaining
what they are all about, beginning with an innocuous description of club
activities:
“If building a community means having game nights, art events, pizza parties, or any other social event, we want to be able to host it just as all other clubs do. This club is for students’ enjoyment within an environment where they may otherwise feel outcast.”
That is certainly an acceptable and reasonable goal. But
then they make the problematic comment I opened with - rejecting as ‘egregious’
the idea of committing to halachic standards in sexual matters. Rejecting even
a single Halacha of the Torah makes one
a heretic.
I understand they do not want to be defined solely by their
sexuality. But in practice, identifying as LGBTQ is already a public
declaration of that identity. You cannot say you are gay and simultaneously say
you don’t want to be identified that way.
(If only it were truly the case that people were not defined by their sexuality. We shouldn't need to know whether someone is gay or straight. I don’t identify myself that way. As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. put it, we should be judged by the 'content of our character'. Not by our sexual orientation. That should not be anyone’s business.)
But when one creates a club around LGBTQ identity, that identity
is already being presented publicly. You can’t have it both ways.
If a club is based on that identity and claims to operate
within Halachic boundaries, then the most appropriate response would have been
to proudly affirm a commitment to Halacha - including Halachic norms around
sexuality. The fact that they called such a statement ‘egregious’ is unacceptable.
If I were YU, I would demand a retraction of that statement
and a clear reaffirmation of the club’s commitment to follow Halacha in its
entirety, including laws related to sexuality. I assume such a commitment was
part of their agreement with YU. If they are unwilling to make that clear, they
should, in my view, lose their permit to operate as an official club.
