Admiring Charedim with Faint Praise

Charedi children in Jerusalem (TOI)

I get where he’s coming from. I understand what he’s trying to do and I applaud him for  trying. In fact, I have said some of those same things myself. But I’m afraid that Rabbi Yisroel Motzen’s attempt has failed to accomplish his goal.

In a noble attempt to overcome the increasing enmity between Charedim and most of the rest of Israel over the former’s refusal to serve in the army, Rabbi Motzen suggests we look at the positive - what we can all learn from them. He lists four areas where they seem to excel over the rest of us. But if one reads his praise carefully, one can see that he isn’t quite as admiring as he tries to sound.

First is his admiration for their family size:

While Jewish law allows for birth control, Haredi society places a premium on large families. They choose to bring children—many Jewish children—into this world. While those blessed with the ability to bear children in the rest of the Orthodox world weigh considerations like finances and other priorities before having more children, this society is willing to live in two-bedroom apartments, with limited means, so they can bring more life into this world. That’s a choice they make, and it’s a noble one.

There is certainly much to praise about bringing many Jewish children into the world. But as Rabbi Motzen also notes, Jewish law allows for birth control too. The problem arises when birth control is not used where it should be. 

While most parents with large families do quite well raising their children, too often there are parents who not emotionally equipped to handle the enormous demands of raising many young children, along with the cost of educating them. Which places their children at great risk. Not only for remaining observant, but even becoming victims of drug addiction, clinical depression, and even suicide. There is unfortunately a large population of former Charedim that have become victims of this culture. Which has given rise to Orthodox rehab organizations like Amudim.

Using birth control in the Charedi community typically requires asking a Posek for permission. My understanding is that Chasidic Poskim are the most stringent and rarely issue such permits. The Yeshiva world, more commonly, does issue permits - but usually based on  health considerations. Depending on the Posek, the definition of what kind of health issues would qualify for that vary widely. 

Some do not give sufficient weight to mental health, which is a gray area with little consensus about when birth control should be permitted. As much as I admire large families whose children thrive - and in some cases eventually become great leaders in Israel, I cannot admire the simple fact that a family is large. And I should add that large families are not the exclusive domain of Charedim.

The second thing Rabbi Motzen admires is their modesty standards.

Here too, I question why he does not admire the modesty standards of Jews across all Orthodox sectors who observe the laws of modesty. What he seems to be saying is that the excessive modesty characteristic of the Charedi world (including an example he personally experienced) is worthy of admiration even while he acknowledges: There is a dark underbelly to some of these practices.

There certainly is. And I would argue that this ‘underbelly’ does more harm than good. A subject I have discussed extensively. The decision, for example, by mainstream Charedi publications to no longer publish pictures of women, and other measures that effectively erase women from the public square, are prime examples. I’m sorry. There is little about excess that I can admire. That certainly includes excess modesty.

The third thing he admires is their ‘aversion to the outside world’.

He wonders who is really better off spiritually: someone like himself who is immersed in the culture, or the Charedi Jew whose ‘yearning for purity… refuses to get a smartphone’.

But spiritual purity is not denied to people who participate in worldly matters. One can chew gum and walk. If someone is able to relax and recharge through permissible cultural activities - and thereby serve God with a more positive frame of mind - that should enhance their Avodas Hashem. If someone can serve God without any such outlets, God bless them. But if someone needs a way to relax in order to move forward, that does not - and should not - detract from reaching spiritual heights.

The fourth thing he mentions is indeed something to admire:

94% of those raised Haredi identify as Orthodox, whereas only 54% of those raised Dati Leumi remain Orthodox. For all the flaws—and there are many—they are doing something right.

If those numbers are anywhere near accurate, that is indeed an admirable aspect of the Charedi world. How to improve those numbers across all communities is beyond my pay scale. But it should be a top priority for religious leaders.

At the end of the day, I sense that Rabbi Motzen is just as upset as I am about how Charedi leadership is handling the draft issue. His purpose in writing this essay was to try to highlight their positive side. And yes - they do have a positive side. But the way he framed it almost comes off like backhanded praise. Except for that last item, there isn’t that much in what he lists to admire.

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