What Unites Us

Tragedy strikes again. Once again Jews are being murdered because they are Jews. This time it was in an unexpected location – Mumbai, India. Six Jews were brutally murdered by Islamic Fundementalist fanatics. The choice of targets was not random. They chose American and Jewish ones. This is not only my own speculation. Last night a terrorism expert was interviewed on an NBC news national broadcast. He said that he is convinced that that the Chabad House was chosen as a target because it was Jewish.

And so now the entire Jewish world is once again united. We are united in our grief and sadness. We are united in our outrage. Rightly so. The tragedy is great. 195 (or more) victims were brutally snuffed out - among them six precious Jewish souls.

The most prominently mentioned Jewish victims were the Chabad Shaliach, Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg and his wife, Rivka.

Again I ask the unanswerable question, ‘Why?’ Why these Jews? They were the best of the best!

They were there - not because they were on vacation. They were there to try and reach out to the many Jews who either live in that area or come to visit.

Their mission – given to them by Chabad leadership - was most admirable. They were there to serve God. There was no other reason. Lubavitch’s primary purpose is to reach out to unaffiliated Jews and bring them closer to authentic Judaism. They literally go to the ends of the earth in trying to achieve that goal.

That’s why one can find a Chabad house in Mumbai. Who else does this?! Who else will sacrifice themselves in this way?! Who else is willing to immerse him or herself in a culture whose religion is as anathema to Judaism as is that of India's?

If I understand correctly the religion of the vast majority of Indians is Hinduism. That is Avodah Zara – idolatry! They worship many gods. There are no Jewish day schools there. There is no Jewish community of any substance there. There is therefore no social life of any religious Jewish significance for them. And yet there they were - this very young couple sacrificing all for the sole purpose of bringing Jews closer to God.

In the midst of their sojourn there, in the midst of their Tachlis - their purpose of performing the great Mitzva of outreach to fellow Jews they were killed - murdered by Islamic terrorists whose fervent desire and ultimate goal is to replace all forms of government across the planet with Islamic rule.

Now, once again - just as we were united when the Merkaz HaRav students were brutally massacred, so too are we now united. For us at this moment in time there is no Lubavitch. There is no Charedi Judaism, There is no Religious Zionism, Centrism, or Modern Orthodoxy. We are all one people mourning the loss of fellow Jews who were massacred sanctifying the Name of the Lord. May God - avenge their blood!

I asked this question at the time of the Merkaz HaRav massacre: Why does it take a tragedy like this to unite us? Why can’t we all just respect each other’s differences? This does not mean we can’t debate them. We should. And the debate can – and perhaps should - be passionate. But there ought to be a level of respect - and that always seems to be missing. As I and many others constantly say, what unites us is far greater than what divides us.

I guess God needs to keep reminding us of this. Because we can’t seem to do it ourselves.

Jews, Muslims, and Terrorism

At which point does a religious person go from being a devout believer interested in doing the will of God to becoming a terrorist? I ask this in all seriousness. I’m not sure I can answer the question but it certainly deserves discussion.

It cannot be that zealotry alone makes one a terrorist. Kannaus – zealotry - is highly praised by Chazal. One need only look at the quintessential zealot in the Torah, Pinchas ben Elazar ben Aharon HaKohen. He saw a massive public Chilul HaShem and acted where even Moshe Rabbenu didn’t. His act was a violent one. In one moment he killed two people who were in the midst of desecrating the Name of God in public. For this Chazal tell us he was given eternal life and the priesthood was guaranteed to all his progeny in perpetuity.

And yet most responsible Jews including most rabbinic leadership across the board condemn anyone who acts in the name of God violently – even when no one dies as a result. This is clear every time it happens. But the violence continues. In fact it seems to be increasing.

I guess that those who act with such zealotry use Pinchas as a model. But they are wrong. The violence they do is for a cause that does not even come close to the cause for which Pinchas acted in biblical times. But the fact remains this is the model and the source motivation is zealotry in the Name of God.

One often hears the zealotry of religious Jewish fanatics compared to the fanatics of other religions, most specifically Islamic fundamentalists. The comparison usually takes the form of saying that they are the same – it’s just a matter of degree.

Many criticize this attitude as anti religious. How dare someone compare a Jew who acts L’Shem Shamyim – even if in a misguided violent way –to a Muslim terrorist non Jew who gives no value to human life?! – to even his own?! Those Muslims are evil incarnate. Jews are holy and though wrong and to be condemned, are certainly not inherently evil – and have almost never killed anyone.

But I submit that religious fanaticism is indeed sourced in the same type of religious motivation. In fact the Muslims who do these kinds of things are true believers and are perhaps more spiritual than many Jews who act violently in the name of God. The Muslims are Moser Nefesh for their beliefs! They are willing to give up their own lives in the cause of serving what they believe to be the will of God! Are the zealous thugs of Meah Shearim willing to do that?

On the other hand there are Jewish zealots who are willing to Moser Nefesh. The Religious Zionist settlers are on that level. I doubt very strongly that the thugs of Meah Shearim would be willing to give up their own lives to achieve the ends they seek!

But it doesn’t matter. In all the cases mentioned the zealots are wrong. And even though in all cases they believe they are doing God’s work, they are instead bringing misery to innocent people. And in some cases their acts end up causing death and destruction. They view their own beliefs on specific issues as the over-riding concern. Though based in religious law - their beliefs are not universally shared by their co-religionists. But that doesn’t stop them from imposing themselves on others even if it means causing harm while trying to achieve their goals.

In one sense Religious Zionists settlers are worse than the Meah Sherim thugs. At least Meah Shearim rabbinic leaders pay lip service condemnation to the violence. The settlers on the other hand have rabbinic leaders who advocate it - condemning anyone who opposes them as traitors worthy of being tried for treason!

The common factor is their religious zealotry. This is what guides them. The only difference is in the way they understand their service to God and to what degree they will go to achieve that end. That includes settler rabbis, Meah Shearim thugs and Muslim fundamentalist terrorists. Of course the Muslims do not look to Pinchas. They look to Muhammad’s son, Hussein, a fundamentalist warrior who shed much blood in spreading his faith forcefully across the Middle East.

These people are not zealots working for God. They are in fact all terrorists.

I think we as religious Jews have to recognize that fact and realize that the comparisons are valid. And their actions have to be treated in a similar fashion. Criminals have to be punished in accordance with the severity of their crimes. One cannot look at ideology as a factor. Murder is murder. Protests - or acts of resistence which turn violent - whether by Charedi thugs or Religious Zionist settlers – all in the name of their cause - need to be prosecuted without regard to source motivation. Especially those who say their own version of religious law supercedes the law of the land.

The only exception to ever be made in a Jewish state is when actual Halacha is contradicted. Then one must stand up for the Torah and not the state – and be willing to accept the consequences.

One more point about Religious Zionists who advocate violent resistance to authority. I used to respect and admire their idealism. They truly were (and are) willing to put their lives on the line for their beliefs in settling the Land of Israel. How I admired the courage of those who lived in or near Chevron… How I looked up at those from that community who served in the army and volunteered for the most dangerous assignments! A far greater proportion of Religious Zionist soldiers gave up their lives than did secular soldiers. I was truly in awe of them.

But their inability to face reality and insist on the impossible makes them a menace to the public welfare. They are no better than any other criminal and I now see their idealism as selfish and a dangerous imposition which risks the very lives of all of Klal Yisroel.

A Somber Thanksgiving!

Today, on this holiday of Thanksgiving, I want to extend to all my American brothers and sisters a happy and restful day.

It is my belief that we American Jews should reflect on this day upon all the bounty that this wonderful country has given to us. We have an obligation to express Hakaras HaTov - sincere gratitude - every chance we get. What better day to do so than on Thanksgiving? Though I did not witness it myself – nor did I ever ask him - I’m told that my Rebbe, Rav Ahron Soloveichik felt the same way and that he actually had turkey on Thanksgiving.

But this year is not like other years. We are going through some tough times. I need not mention the unprecedented economic downturn - nor the unsettled situation in Israel.

But on this day, half way around the world in India we are reminded of the very real danger we all face - Jew and non Jew alike – from Islamic Fundamentalists. Yesterday the city of Mumbai was attacked by terrorists and over 125 people have been killed so far. One of the places attacked was a Chabad House. As of this writing Chabad Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg and his wife, Rivki, are unconscious along with six others. They are assumed being held hostage there. From Ha’aretz:

Senior Foreign Ministry officials said that there was serious concern for the lives of the Chabad center hostages, as the gunmen holed up at the center urged the Indian government to negotiate with them over the hostages' release.

According to reports from Mumbai, Indian commandos had circled the Chabad center and were reportedly preparing to storm the building in hopes of releasing the hostages.

Earlier Thursday, the family of the Chabad rabbi held hostage by the terrorists said that the captives were unconscious.

We ought not only to reflect on this too but to make it a priority to pray for their welfare:

For our brothers – all the house of Israel! …who have been handed into distress and captivity; whether on the sea or on land, May God grant them mercy – and take them out of their distress, and bring them relief… bringing them from darkness to light; from captive servitude to redemption speedily and very soon. Let us say Amen!

A Three State Solution

I think it’s time for the extremists in Jerusalem to set up their own country. Perhaps there should be a three state solution. One for Jews, one for Palestinians, and one for the extremist Charedim who insist on forcing their own standards on the entire community.

This time it is about a campaign photo of Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni. She heads the Kadima party and if her party is elected as the majority she will be the next prime minister. Hence the campaign posters with her image on it. But advertisers working in her campaign have eliminated her image from Kadima campaign posters in Jerusalem.

This is not the only time this has happened. Posters of other women running in the municipal elections earlier this month had their photos expunged as well. Not only that, but pictures of children without Kipot were apparently deemed inappropriate too.

One may ask, ‘What’s the big deal?’ ‘Is this - in and of itself so terrible?’ ‘Can’t we concede this one thing in the interests of harmony and ‘getting along?’

Ordinarily I would say yes. But it is a symptom of a much greater problem.

These people have a right to be as extreme as they want as long as they do not impose their extremes on everyone else. But that is exactly what they want. If I were a resident of Jerusalem I would be livid – even if I were Charedi, not to mention Dati or secular. It is just another step in the direction of a Taliban-like society.

No one is saying that we have to turn Jerusalem into a bastion of secularism. But just as I wouldn’t want one extreme, neither would I want the other. No one has the right to insist that their way is the only Kosher way… and that the concern of others be damned! But this is precisely what these people want. And they are winning. But it’s wrong.

Most of the extremists are probably Meah Shearim residents. They are of the same type that have left Meah Shearim and taken over cities like Ramat Bet Shemesh B. And they are doing the same thing there.

Just to be clear I want to emphasize that the problem isn’t about insisting on the elimination of a totally Tznius image of a woman running for office. One could perhaps overlook that one thing. It is about the over-all attitude that goes along with it. This is the attitude that ends up producing violence on the part of the Kannoistic gangs in that community.

They have got the entire country running scared. So instead of putting up those photos, advertisers have decided to avoid any violence and vandalism. To Mrs. Livini’s credit, she has ordered her image restored on those posters. She is not intimidated.

But perhaps she should be. We know what the thugs are capable of when a standard of theirs is violated. Just look at their reaction to a older woman who dared to sit in the men’s section of a bus in Ramat Bet Shemesh a while back . She was physically attacked! And just look at what happened to a Charedi resident there - a hero who tried to do something about the violence in his town . Those Meah Shearim thugs put him in the hospital!

Yes, the violence is at the hand of a few. But it is this mindset that insists on imposing their standards on everyone else that results in the few taking matters into their own very violent hands.

That most of those people wouldn’t themselves be violent – that most of them even condemn it - is beside the point. All of them have these extreme standards. And that is all the excuse needed by those thugs to carry out their intimidation and violent behevaior!

There seems to be no solution. Compromise is not a word in their vocabulary. It’s time to partition them off, give them their own state and be done with them!

Social Kissing

Many people have the custom of social kissing as a form of greeting people of the opposite sex. Is this OK? Can religious Jews behave in this way - greeting each other with a social kiss? What about Issurei Arayos... Halachos forbidding physical contact between the sexes?

This issue was discussed a while back in an e-mail forum with which I am involved. It was suggested that even though platonic physical contact between the sexes is inherent in the culture and is generally not considered sexual in nature - kissing and Chiba (sexually oriented contact) are not so separable.

Sure - it was asserted - when it's your great Aunt Sadie. But what if it's her grandchild, your physically attractive second cousin?

Here is my view - which is based largely on common sense. What the masses are doing is in fact directly connected to the concept of Chiba. In cultures where this is common practice, it is far less likely that doing things like this are B'Derech Chiba (in the manner of sexual contact).Physical attraction is highly subjective. The concept of Derech Chiba is based on that. If someone is attracted to a member of the opposite sex then, in my view it would be problematic to claim that a social kiss is not B'Derech Chiba.

But if one is not attracted and it is just a social norm, then it is highly unlikely that it is B'Derech Chiba at all. So it doesn't matter how young or attractive a woman might be. It only matters how one perceives her.

I think this is what the Gemarah means by saying that it is forbidden to derive pleasure by even looking at the little finger of a woman. It is about the pleasure derived, not the actual looking at a little finger. It is about one's own subjective thought and/or purpose in looking at that finger and deriving some sort of sexual stimulus by looking at it.

If the act of looking at a little finger alone were forbidden, then certainly looking at a woman's face should be forbien. And we know that it is not! ...unless we derive 'pleasure' from it - pleasure in the sexual sense. This is how I understand the concept of Derech Chiba. It's all subjective and social norms play a big part in that.

In this vein I have been told by a reliable and knowledgeable source that those of German Jewish heritage (the Yekkeshe community) do indeed have a custom of social kissing which they consider SheLo B’Derech Chiba.

Obviously there are those who disagree. They accept the more stringent view that any contact at all is forbidden. Shelo B’Derech Chiba doesn't make any difference. Most Chasidim fall into this category.

A common practice in the Yeshiva world is somewhere in-between these two extremes. They generally avoid any physical contact with the opposite sex at all even if it is platonic - SheLo BeDerech Chiba. But in circumstances where it would embarrass others or lead to a possible Chilul HaShem they will engage in such contact.

A typical scenario is when a non Jew or non-religious Jew not knowing Halachos pertaining to physical contact will extend his hand to shake the hand of a religious woman in a public forum such as at a dais at a banquet. They respond by shaking it.

I like this option and this is my own custom. But one should never ridicule or disparage those who are lenient ala the German Jewish community. Their custom is as valid as the Chasidic one of total avoidance under any circumstances.

The Valis Verdict

There has been a lot of angst – even protest over the conviction - and the media reportage - of a young Charedi father for killing his infant son. The conviction was for manslaughter. It happened about two years ago. There was a huge outcry then from many Charedi protestors that accused the Israeli police and secular courts of extreme bias in that case. Indeed as the Jerusalem Post reports:

The young father's 2006 arrest led to days of haredi rioting in Jerusalem, after leaders of the Edah Haredit community - which the Valis family is part of - accused police of concocting a "blood libel."

This is how far the secular authorities are not trusted. They are compared to anti Semitic Czarist Russia at its worst!

The claim by the father was that his confession during lengthy questioning was coerced. The father later recanted his confession. The murder – it was claimed by the prosecution – was via what is known as the ‘Shaken Baby Syndrome’. This happens when a baby is shaken so violently that he is severely injured or dies as a result. But early in the trial there was testimony that there was no conclusive evidence that there was any murder. Alternative - more innocent theories about the death were just as reasonable.

But now 2 years later the father has been found guilty of manslaughter. The Judge gave him a six year jail sentence plus a two year suspended sentence. She said she was lenient because there was no malice intended:

The court found that Valis did not intend to kill his son, and that his actions stemmed from recklessness. As such, the court saw fit to exercise leniency despite the severity of the offense.

This young fellow, an Avreich, had until then enjoyed an impeccable reputation among his peers and his mentors. He had a bright future ahead of him. He was supposedly a gentle soul who would not hurt a fly. The verdict - it is therefore thought - was biased. It was an opportunity to bash Charedim by a biased Chiloni court.

It is as though they sincerely believe that there can never be a fair verdict. If a religious Jew is arrested for any reason he is always seen as a victim of secular bias. But that simply cannot always be the case.

We know that there are ‘Frum’ criminals. Just look at all the ‘Frum’ child molesters in our midst. One cannot just automatically assume bias even if one concedes that the secular authorities sometimes do harbor bias against religious Jews. The secular authorities in Israel are not all biased. Not the police and not the courts. Sometimes the accused is just plain guilty.

I realize of course than one must be Dan L’Kaf Zechus – one must judge one’s fellow man favorably. But to do so now after a clear verdict of guilt is to lose all sense of proportion. True - not every verdict is fair. And not every sentence just. Sometimes even in the most just of societies a guilty man goes free and an innocent man is convicted. But it just is not fair to always assume that a Frum innocent Jew will automatically be found guilty. And there is no reason to assume that the secular judge in this case was anything but fair.

But… Charedim still insist there was bias here. Those who know the father know him to be a man of high moral character. They therefore refuse to believe he did it.

But the logic escapes me. People who commit crimes like this one - crimes of passion -come from all walks of life. Many are indeed fine people who would ordinarily not hurt a fly. But given a certain set of circumstances some of those very fine people can - in a moment of extreme distress crack! ...and do something they later regret.

The baby that died in this case had a serious congenital birth defect. The young father – ill equipped to deal with the situation - could have quite easily become so frustrated at the incessant crying of his baby that he finally just lost it! He shook the baby so hard that he killed him. The remorse he felt later was reflected in his confession.

Was the confession coerced? I don’t know. Maybe it was. But it is just as reasonable to assume that it wasn’t. We- the members of the public - do not know since we were not there. We did not see what happened. Nor did we hear the confession or the conditions under which it was obtained. That was left for the courtroom - and for the judge to decide. She believed the father’s confession reflected the truth. There is nothing to say that there was any more bias in this case than in any other – not withstanding the preconceived notions of anti Charedi bias.

I’m not convinced that there was any bias at all.

Let us remember that the leniency that is being called for on the part of the Charedi community is for a man who was convicted of killing his son. How lenient should the courts be for that?

Six years in prison. I think that the verdict was probably just.

An Inspiration to All

There is a famous Pasuk in Tehillim (45:14) which reads: Kol Kevudah Bas Melech Pnimah. If there was ever a phrase that describes my mother that is it. She was the ultimate Tzanuah - never wanting the grandeurs of the “outside” ...always preferring the Tznius of the “inside” ...working in and for her home and family.

She was a most spiritual woman with few material needs. Her sole concern was for the welfare of her family. Like many other great women in Klal Israel she also exemplified the verses from Mishlei of Eyshes Chayil immortalized in song - sung in so many homes every Friday night. These two expressions - from Tehillim and from Mishlei - are what my mother was all about.

My mother was not that well known in the Chicago Jewish community. Oh, she was known... people knew who she was, but very few people knew what she was really all about. But I knew who she was. My father knew. And my brothers knew. That is because she exemplified the classic definition over the millennia of what it means to be a Jewish wife and mother. Her whole life revolved around the well being of her family.

She had literally no interest at all in her own material well being. As long as she had the basic necessities of life taken care of she gave absolutely no thought to - or had any interest in money or material things.

She did not own fancy clothes nor was she interested in fancy furniture or fancy houses. My mother’s primary concern was for my father whom she idolized from the moment she met him. My father was not a demanding person. But she nonetheless defined herself through her service to him and her family. She saw her role as a Jewish wife and mother in the way most of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers did. The term “Ezer Kenegdo” is what you would see when you looked at her. Her entire ego was wrapped around his. His needs... were hers. His Hashkafos... were hers. His views of how to raise children... were hers.

When I was a young boy growing up in Toledo, I had gone to public school. The environment there was not conducive toward a positive outcome for my Judaism. I wanted to be like my peers, most of whom were either non Jews or non-religious Jews.

By the time I was ready to go into fourth grade my father saw me negatively influenced by my peers and decided I was going to go to school in Detroit to a day school. My mother could not bear the thought of having me leave home for an entire week only to return home for Shabbos. But she knew that my father was ultimately right and when he made the decision to send me to day school sixty miles away, she was stoic.

She supported him 100% without uttering one word of protest. I later learned of how much crying my mother did - how much she missed me - her 8 year old son, but she never let on. I never knew how sad she was. She felt she had to give my father the kind of support that required her to be silent so as not to make me even more homesick then I already was. She knew that she could not dare add to that.

Because of that commitment all of her grandchildren are today Frum Bnei Torah as are all her many great grandchildren. I attribute that as much to my mother as to my father. She sacrificed her own happiness in seeing me on a daily basis so that I could grow up to be a Yiras Shamayim.

Years later when I was already married and had two of my children, I thought finally, my parents would be able to see the daily Nachas of my own children, their youngest grandchildren growing up Frum and in the day schools. Once again the ship of fate intervened and it was not to be. My father on a particular visit to Eretz Israel had fallen in love with the city of Bnei Brak which reminded him of his youth in pre-war Europe.

He decided that moment to buy a Dirah there – planning to move to Israel within two years. And so it was. I didn’t want them to leave in part because I knew that my mother did not want to leave her grandchildren behind to begin a new life yet again. But once again, she was stoic. She said she would do only that which would make my father happy.

My parents left Chicago to begin life a new. It was not an easy adjustment for her. I knew that my mother really didn’t want to go because when I discussed it with her she would tear. But it didn’t matter because that was what my father wanted and she loved him so! They lived there for 18 happy years..

In the meantime my four children grew up. Now it is true that we saw each other often but it is not the same as being able to share a Shabbos table or a Yom Tov with the family on a regular basis. I know that she really missed her family but again - she never said a word. Her goal was to make my father as happy as possible. And she succeeded.

My mother had no easy life prior to my birth either. She lost her own father, my namesake, when she was only two years old. She never knew him or that much about him. My grandmother re-married a widowed cousin who had children of his own and the extended family lived in near poverty in Poland.

That poverty segued into the holocaust where she lost her entire family. She saw her mother step on a landmine and ultimately die from that. She and her parents and siblings were hidden at first, by a kind gentile family. But later...fearing being caught and killed for their efforts... my mother and her family were forced to leave. They survived living in a forest for the rest of the war living on a diet of raw potatoes.

After the war she met my father through a Rav who was a mutual friend of theirs and they immigrated to America. My father ended up in Toledo for the next 15 years as a Shochet and a Chazan for one of the three Orthodox Shuls there. While my brother Jack was learning Chazanus in New York, my brother Barry was learning his trade in Toledo. These are my brothers from my father and his first wife.

Barry told me that my mother would go to great lengths to allow him the space to to learn his craft. She let him turn part of our small apartment into a virtual dental laboratory - helping him in any way she could. Including cleaning up after he went to bed late at night so that he would have a clean space to work in the morning. My brother tells me that he owes her a debt of gratitude that he will never be able to repay.

My mother exuded love and warmth to her family... and to her grandchildren. Treating them all like flesh and blood. And all of the grandchildren felt it. They knew the depth of their Bubbie’s love and that love was sincerely returned by all of them. She never demanded a single thing of them yet they were willing to do anything for her.

She was the world’s greatest home cook. Every Friday she would make “Erev Shabbos Kugel” just in case one of her family would come over. It became a semi- regular feature for us on Erev Shabbos. Her roast chicken is yet to be duplicated as are her gefilte fish and Kreplach. But it wasn’t the recipe that was unique. It was the loving care that she put into every morsel. She made certain that the food would taste “out of this world” every time she cooked. Yet she was always very modest about her cooking and never thought she was all that good. But everyone else knew differently.

It wasn’t only cooking and devotion to her family that defined my mother but her great spirituality. She loved to Daven and did so every day. After my father passed away she never missed saying an entire Sefer Tehillim!

If I may paraphrase the Pesukim from Mishlei as they apply to my mother... She... WAS that Eyshes Chayil. My father placed faith in her as I did, and we both profited. She brought him only good... and never evil all the days of our lives together. She willingly and lovingly did the work of her talented hands. She prepared the food for her household, never complaining... always lovingly with great strength taking whatever time each task needed to do it right but always in time, never allowing my father or her family to have to wait... or want... for anything.

My father was known and beloved by the community. She reveled in strength from that knowledge and exuded dignity through it - always the exemplary Tzanuah. When she spoke, words of Chesed poured forth from her tongue. She looked after the welfare of her family. Laziness was not a word in her dictionary. I was in awe of her - as was my father.

But most of all she exemplified the closing statement of this famous Mishlei: Sheker HaChein VeHevel HaYofi, Isha Yiras HaShem, Hee TisHallel. This is her ultimate epitaph.

May she be a Meiltz Yosher for our family and all of Klal Israel.

The Shiva Ends

I just wanted to express my appreciation to all those who came to comfort me in person and those who sent condolences via e-mails, phone calls, and in the comments section of the last post announcing the Petirah - the death of my mother. Thank you all.

A word of explanation of why my Shiva ended so late. My mother passed away on Motzoei Shabbos - Saturday night. I was then in a state of Aninus. This means I had not yet started Aveilus, the official mourning period. That happened upon the completion the burial. That took place on Monday evening of last week - Halachicly Tuesday. Hence my Shiva ended today, the seventh day after the burial. The principle of Mikzas HaYom K'Kulo applies so that any portion of the day is considered like the entire day.

I will be getting back to my regular blog posts later today beginning with a tribute/eulogy to my mother. And as soon as this post is up. I will begin approving all comments made during the Shiva.

Baruch Dayan HaEmes

Last night - Motzoei Shabbos my husband's mother Bayla Bas Tzvi Maryles passed away. The funeral will take place this morning here in Chicago at Yeshivas Brisk. He will then accompany the body to Israel where she will be buried on Har Menuchos next to the Kever (grave site) of his father on Monday evening.

He will begin sitting Shiva in Israel and returning to Chicago for the completion of the Shiva.

There will be no blog posts or comment approval until after the 7 day Shiva period. Thank you for your understanding.

Annie Maryles

P.S. The post just before this one was written on Friday and auto-posted earlier today at 7:00 AM CST

The Stigma of Sex Abuse

The problem just won’t go away. Nor should it. Sexual abuse in the Orthodox Jewish community is alive and well. Thriving – in fact. At least that's the message I get from media reports like this one in the New York Times.

I have no answers to this problem. Nor do I blame all those who have expressed outrage at the rabbinic leaders for their reticence and reluctance to act in effective an forceful ways.

I too have questioned this reluctance. In some cases, there has been such bad judgment that I wonder how some of these rabbis can sleep at night! But one should not paint all the rabbinic leadership with the same evil broad brush - even those who have been reluctant to act strongly and forcefully. For the most part they do mean well. But – as I’ve said many times - we know where a road paved with good intentions can sometimes lead.

The truth is that I’m not sure that their reluctance to act strongly and forcefully in certain circumstances is always wrong - even if the greater good is served by acting. Ethical considerations can dictate non action.

This is the case with Assemblyman Dov Hikind. He has been served with a subpoena this week, demanding that he surrender his files on sex abuse victims. I support his refusal to do so. This is not so say that I endorse everything he ever did. I have been highly critical of some of his statements and actions in the past. But I do think his ethics in this situation are correct - even though the greater good might be served by opposing him.

Here are some excerpts from the New York Times that describe the circumstances:

(Hikind) says he has collected more than 1,000 complaints and the names of 60 accused sexual predators.

He has kept those stories under lock and key in his Brooklyn office, he says, because the people who said they were victims had sworn him to secrecy, fearful of becoming outcasts in a community where perceived troublemakers risk losing employment, housing and even marriage prospects.

But a prominent lawyer representing a half dozen former yeshiva students who say in a civil lawsuit that they were sexually abused by a teacher in Borough Park, Brooklyn, had Mr. Hikind served with a subpoena this week, demanding that he surrender those files.

Mr. Hikind has refused. “I will go to jail for 10 years first,” he said on Wednesday.

“I’ve been shocked and overwhelmed at the magnitude of the problem,” said Mr. Hikind, an Orthodox Jew and a Democrat who represents the predominantly Orthodox community of Borough Park.

The victims have come to (Hikind’s) office in a steady stream to tell their stories, he said. “Abusive teachers and rabbis in the schools,” he said. “Pedophiles on the streets. Incest in the home.”

“There is no way in the world, when people have come to me and spilled their hearts out to me, and shared the most intimate and private things with me, hoping I will do something to address the larger, overall issue, that I would ever betray their trust,” he said.

It seems that every time I read about this issue - it gets more shocking. Whose fault is it that information about sex abuse is not forthcoming - so that prosecutors can put molestors behind bars?

The fault lies not with Assemblyman Hikind. In fact it’s nobody’s fault. The stigma of being sexually abused is great. Victims are just too afraid to reveal it. As Assemblyman Hikind put it, 99 percent would not go to the police under any circumstances. The fear that the Orthodox community will cast them into an unfavorable light is real. And it will last a long time.

Who - after all - wants to get involved with a Shiddach (a potential marriage partner) who was sexually abused as a child? They are seen as damaged goods! - psychologically unfit for a happy marriage. The abuse follows and affects them throughout their lives - and it will affect their marital lives - if left untreated.

So victims keep quiet. They try and overcome it by themselves - but rarely do. Usually the opposite happens and things only get worse. And... they start dating without ever revealing they were sexually abused.

I understand their pain and misery. Life has dealt them an unfair blow. I can't begin to fathom what they must go through! I understand their need to hide this information. But it is just plain wrong.

The dating public has a right to know that a potential spouse has been abused. Keeping that a secret is almost a guarantee that there will be relationship problems! It is also Gneivas Daas. Victims must reveal that they have been abused and should seek professional counseling immediately! If they don’t and keep things hidden they will suffer for a long time – probably doing irreparable harm to themselves and their future spouses.

There is another reason to reveal that they are victims of abuse. It is so they can testify against their attackers.

The problem is too great to be swept under the rug anymore. And it is the victims and their families understandibly doing the sweeping in this case. Assemblyman Hikind cannot be blamed for keeping their confidence and trust. It would be unethical and wrong to betray it! He should not be pressured to release his files even though it would benefit other victims who have come forward and are now seeking justice - and even though it would help put the abusers behind bars, where they belong.

It is hard to be critical of a victim of abuse. And as much as I sympathize with their desire to keep their experiences quiet, their silence needs to end. The victims must somehow be persuaded to summon up the courage to come out in the open and testify against their attackers. It’s the right thing to do.

It has been the victim's very reticence to speak up that enables the abuser to continue! Exposing them and testifying against them is the best way to prevent the continued abuse in the Orthodox world. Sex abuse seems to be at near epidemic proportions (A thousand complaints?! - 60 accused sexual predators?!)

By comming forward they will no longer fear exposure via seeking professional help. And it will enable the victims to get the psychological counseling they need.

Shiddach Dating or Casual Dating?

Jonathan Rosenblum has a fascinating column at Cross-Currents (originally in the Jerusalem Post). The column is in part a response to a column by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Rabbi Boteach laments the Shiddach system whereby a potential ‘date’ is checked out by the parents as to suitability. He maintains that it ‘disempowers [Orthodox] men and women from meeting directly’ and that he finds it “tiring” and the whole process not “terribly romantic.”

Jonathan retorts that the way in which the Orthodox Community deals with the dating game is nonetheless far superior to the one in the general culture - which Rabbi Boteach sees as having some strong positives.

Is it an either-or approach? I don’t see it that way at all. There are pluses and minuses in both approaches. In my view utilizing a little of both approaches would go a long way towards improving what is fast becoming a major crisis in the Orthodox world.

The Shiddach system, whereby everything is checked out left to right about a potential ‘date’ – either by a parent or a matchmaker (Shadchan) - has become fraught with so much unnecessary baggage that it has become almost dysfunctional to all but a few.

When one starts asking questions about what color the family tablecloth is on a Shabbos, there is something definitely wrong. When there is a price tag on certain Bachurim in the Charedi Yeshivos – there is something definitely wrong. Especially in the current economic climate. (Someone jokingly commented to me yesterday that in light of the current economic crisis Lakewood is advising their Bachurim to marry for love.)

But the casual dating scene is not an answer either. True - meeting casually and learning about one another directly - rather than through the vetting process of Shadchanus - can develop into a wonderful - and romantic – relationship. That can and sometimes does lead to a successful marriage. But that is not the only thing that can happen when two people meet casually and then start dating. Here is how Jonathan describes it:

The secular “hook_up” culture, in which almost all participate at some point, has not fostered romance. Just the opposite. Though women have demonstrated that they can participate on a equal footing with men, over time, doing so leaves them increasingly embittered and contemptuous of men, who come, in their eyes, to resemble perpetual teenagers, unable to commit and assume what were once considered adult responsibilities.

Secular couples enter marriage always fearing somewhere in the back of their heads that they are being compared to dozens of previous lovers, or, in the case of women, to pornographic fantasies, which many men prefer to the real thing. Young women increasingly report being asked by partners to perform according to the familiar tropes of pornography.

But Jonathan goes too far. It is not as absolutist as he indicates. He does not mention the vast numbers of Modern Orthodox Jewish men and women who have successfully taken the casual dating route.

So… again - which is it? The Charedi Shadchan system where the more Charedi you are the more research is done by others and the less time is needed to actually date? Or is the secular casual dating system whereby virually no research is done and relationships develop naturally. By doing this one can therefore hope to achieve a more romantic ideal - choosing a spouse via experiencing and learning about each other rather than relying on what others have said.

The answer in my view is somewhere in between the two. Casual dating without any advance knowledge at all about one’s ‘date’ is not a good idea. While it can and sometimes does lead to a good marriage - the chance that it won’t is too great. “Falling in love’ this way often blinds one to factors that might otherwise be seen and would end the relationship. When a couple like this gets married divorce is often the result.

But overly investigating a potential Shidach the way many do today is proving to be counterproductive as well. Far too may potential Shiduchim are written off for the stupidest of reasons. The wrong questions are often asked and a potential ‘date’ often called off between two very compatible people.

In my view the best of all possible worlds would be to do some basic research to see if a couple is in the same ball park. And then… let them date and get to know each other. There is then nothing wrong if two people date for an extended period so that they can learn more about each other. Isn't this better than relying mostly on ‘parental matchmaking’ and then dating only a few times before marriage? An unprepared and naive young couple entering into a pre-mature marriage can easily lead to divorce. We are witnessing that in our day as well. Divorce rates are going up in Charedi circles too albeit at a lower rate than in other circles.

I think both Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Jonathan Rosenblum would do well to recognize each others points. And I would be willing to bet they in essence do not really disagree with each other all that much. And that their daughters do not really date in dissimilar ways.

Obscene Images in the Public Square

There is an obscene billboard on the Rockaway Turnpike that is being fought by the Orthodox community that is near it. I haven’t seen the billboard. But it wouldn’t surprise me to see a very pornographic image on it. The advent of what is known as the sexual revolution of the sixties has virtually guaranteed that we would someday see such a billboard. The birth control pill combined with a permissive parenting – a misunderstood and misapplied concept - of the ‘baby boom’ generation has resulted is an explosion of sexual permissiveness and explicitness in this country. Hollywood is the number one contributor to this phenomenon.

Before the sixties we lived in relatively modest times. Even words like ‘pregnant’ were taboo on TV. So too was anything but twin beds in a bedroom. Never would one see a man and a woman in the same bed. All the women on TV were modestly dressed in those days. There were no sex jokes. Language was clean. There were no sexual situations on any TV program of any type.

But once the sexual revolution took place, it changed everything. What added to that was the advent of cable TV. They had no censorship since they were not automatically broadcast into the home. You had to pay to get it. That meant you were willing to allow such programming into your household. It was correctly felt by broadcast censors that since broadcast TV was automatically fed into every home that had a TV – it had to be censored to family friendly standards so that children would not be so easily be exposed to pornography. Besides - very few people had cable TV in its early days.

But cable TV grew to the point where it gave broadcast TV competition. They had to somehow meet the challenge. They prevailed on the censors to lower the standards. At first it was minimal. But after a while things started getting increasingly more risqué. Now we have a TV culture that is 90% sexual in content! Images that were once taboo are now common. Nothing has the impact on American culture that TV does. Decency has been defined down.

Advertising has followed suit. One of the most egregious commercials in recent times featured an almost naked Paris Hilton ‘washing’ a car in a manner that would make the most culturally sophisticated person blush. The ad was pulled after only a few showings. But that it was there at all tells you how low the decency level of American culture has fallen since the sixties. And this is not the only example of such porno on broadcast television now. We now have Victoria’s Secret fashion specials on during prime time – when young children are up!

This in my view is why a billboard like the one being protested on the Rockaway Turnpike is considered acceptable by advertising executives. They can advertise a ‘Gentleman’s club’ in the most suggestive of ways and still feel that it is well within the decency norms of society.

The question arises as to whether the Torah world has any culpability in the way the American culture has evolved. The ‘gut’ reaction would be to say, ‘Of course not!’ ‘The Torah world is in the forefront of rejecting such fare.’ ‘We are all about holiness.’ ‘Pornography is the opposite of that.’

But I think we do have culpability. And the primary culprit here is the Charedi world. That’s because of their attitude of separation and withdrawal. They see a world full of increasingly explicit sex and they just condemn it and withdraw further. The worse it gets the more they withdraw - and the more they criticize the culture as evil. But that is the wrong approach.

I am not advocating that they all go out and buy TVs. That is not my point. One can debate the merit of owning a TV even in the current climate. But that is another post. I am talking about how Charedi leadership has chosen to disengage completely from the culture instead being more proactive in trying to influence it.

Instead of saying, ‘See how evil the culture is let us withdraw further from it’ - the leadership should be in the forefront of protesting it publicly. Not just in their own backyard but in the public square.

Agudath Israel has an excellent infrastructure in Washington that knows how to get things done. They have a great track record of achievement on behalf of all of observant Jewry. But they have been silent when it comes to what’s shown on TV. It does not exist as an issue for them. They simply tell their constituency to avoid it. The result is that by not getting involved - the surrounding culture has deteriorated to the point where one can now see a pornographic billboard near an area where religious Jews live.

One cannot ignore the culture, even if one condemns it. The Agudah has dropped the ball here. They should have been protesting the decline in decency standards right along with other religions who have been doing so. Their added lobbying may have had an impact in the level of decency standards we now have in this country.

They should not ignore American decency standards and just withdraw from the culture. That’s not enough. They need to be proactive in trying to maintain as high a decency standard for the nation as they can. That doesn’t mean that they can or even should try and achieve the Torah standard of decency. But they need to proactively seek in whatever way they can to keep that standard as high as possible. Perhaps if they had done so, we could have avoided that obscene billboard in our midst.

The Gangs of Jerusalem

Why is it that every time I read about Charedim in Jerusalem it almost always involves violence? These people are nothing but a bunch of primitive savages!

Those involved in the latest incident are no better than inner city gangs who intimidate through violence. The only question is why bother to dress and look like Charedim. Why bother with the long beards and long coats?!

They are criminals whose every move is a Chilul HaShem. Whether it’s torching stores in the name of Tznius or beating up women on buses or anyone who gets in their way - violence is their modus operandi. This is only the latest manifestation of it. Here is an excerpt from Ynet. This time it was about trying to control the elections in Jerusalem:

Tuesday afternoon dozens of ultra-Orthodox Jews tried to prevent voting at the Beit Israel neighborhood ballot in Jerusalem, apparently following disputes between different ultra-Orthodox groups.

Police and Border Guard police officers arrived at the scene to clear the rioters, and clashes broke out as the ultra-Orthodox began throwing stones, leaving one officer with light head injuries. The officer was taken to hospital for treatment, and one of the stone-throwers was detained for questioning.

Later, another altercation developed in the capital near a polling station on Yermiyahu Street. The clash pitted a group of ultra-Orthodox residents who object to the elections against Haredi voters who support the democratic process.

A civilian security guard who waded in to break up the fight was lightly wounded and evacuated to the Shaare Zedek Hospital for treatment. Police were called to the scene and eventually dispersed the crowd.

I’ve been told that it’s always the same few Charedi thugs who do these things. Frankly I don’t buy that. I’m not accusing the Charedi population in Israel as a whole. Never did. Never would. The vast majority don’t act this way. But it is more than just a few. And it always seems to stem from some sort of religious objective.

These are gangs - plain and simple. And why they are tolerated by Charedi leadership is beyond me. I’ve called for their arrest and trial in the past. I do so again here. Despite the way they look they are no better than the gangs of New York or Chicago. They may not have murdered anyone - yet - but can that be all that far away when violence of the sort that puts people in the hospital is so common? It’s bad enough when criminal thugs who are not religious looking Jews do these kinds of things., But when a Jew with a long beard and long coat does it is the height of insult to God, His Torah and the Jewish people – a real chilul HaShem!

If I were a Charedi leader in Israel, I would urge all Charedim to picket the police department until they clean up this mess. These Charedi gangs ought to be given the justice they deserve and locked up in a maximum security prison for a few years. If anyone needs to be taught Kavod HaTorah, they do.

I’m sure they think that their actions are done on behalf of God. That’s why they look the way they do. But they couldn’t be more wrong! They are criminals! They have not truly learned what Kavod HaTorah is or how to act in its behalf. Perhaps a long term stay in a maximum security prison will teach them the error of their ways. But even if it doesn’t at least it will keep them off the streets.

Exploring the Mind of a Pedophile

There is an article in Aish.com on child molestation and its prevention. It is a worthwhile read. And though it does not tackle some of the hard issues discussed here and elsewhere about what the Torah world is or isn’t doing in this respect - it does tell us in very clear language how to deal with this issue before, during and after an abuse takes place. It is written by David Mandel; and Doctors Susan Schulman and David Pelcovitz.

These three people are professionals who are and have been intimately involved with victims of molestations for many years and in my view are experts in the field.
One of the most striking points made in this article is the following:

Pedophiles need to be pushed to seek professional treatment, pushed out of circumstances where they can be in regular contact with children, pushed into supervised and controlled environments, or pushed into the criminal justice system.

Pedophilia is a treatable disease. While it is not curable, long-term treatment can be administered over several years, and if the perpetrator is compliant, this can allow him to return to a relatively normal life.

This seems to be counter intuitive. Pedophiles are thought by many to be evil people – even monsters – worthy of life sentences in prison - not merely 'pushed into supervised and controlled environments'. Certainly some of the most frequently mentioned pedophiles by newspapers columns and blogs are deserving of long prison terms if not worse!

But the truth of the matter is that morals and ethics apply here too -as does human nature. The sex drive – what Freud called the libido – is one of the most powerful forces in nature. It can be used positively or negatively. It can manifest itself in various different ways in different people -both normal an abnormal. It is not what one’s sexual proclivities that is important but how one deals with them.

One who succumbs to an abnormal personal sexual desire - and involves the unwilling participation of others can very well end up doing what some of the more infamous pedophiles have done. They have of course injured hundreds if not thousands of precious souls. But it doesn’t always have to end up that way for the pedophile. One perhaps has no control over one’s sexual desires. But one does have control over one’s actions. And this is key.

The fact is that a pedophile – no matter how disgusted we are by such people – can be a decent and contributing member of society – if he does not act on his desires. This is true of all of us, even those of us with normal libidos. The difference is that when a normal libido is unleashed it will result in permitted behavior. Or it will at least result in socially acceptable behavior - that may be forbidden. But is behavior that society hardly notices. An affair between a man and a married woman hardly registers a blip on our moral radar screens. But an encounter between a pedophile and a child registers a major earthquake on our moral Richter scales – as it should. Both instances should.

A glimpse into the mind of an ethical and tormented pedophile might offer some revealing insight into such individuals. The brilliant ‘Chana’ has given us such an opportunity. She has written a story that will make your hair stand on edge. But it will also reveal the humanity and thought processes of a pedophile desperately struggling with his own forbidden sexual urges. It is a chilling story and should remind that there are truly good people in the world who do not necessarily have good thoughts. But they can and do subdue those urges – and struggle mightily to do so.

The Gemarah in Kedushin (30A) tells of the Freudian concept of sublimation. This is the process whereby the powerful sex drive is unconsciously channeled into highly productive non sexual behavior. Learning Torah, the Gemarah tells us, is the best way to avoid the sexual sin. It takes the sexual drive and its energy and converts it toward great achievement in Torah.

I think it is worthwhile to reconsider our approach to this and not to have knee jerk reactions. Pedophiles – or anyone with abnormal sexual desires - are sick people. They need help. And if they cannot control their desires even with professional help they require jail. But each case should be judged on an individual basis. Because who knows the mind of even the best Mechanech…

Double Take

I’m off to St. Louis. Tomorrow is the Bris of my two twin grandsons. For those interested the accompanying photo is of my daughter (the twins mother) and her five sons. Clockwise from the top they are: My daughter -Tovi, Elisha, Shimon, Reuven, Avraham, and Moshe. More photos are available here.

This will God willing be an amazing event. My entire family will be there except for the Israeli branch. All three of my daughters and their families. So too will the entire Kirshner side of the family except for the Israeli branch. Add to that the entire Orthodox Jewish population of St. Louis, Missouri. That’s a lot of people! Trust me.

It’s difficult to express my emotions here. Words are inadequate. The Simcha is very great. This is a family that can use a little simcha in their lives just about now. May there be a continuation of ever more Simchos in our families and of all of Klal Yisroel.

Update: The twins have been named and their names have been inserted in the text identifying 'who is who' in the picture.

Correction from Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

I received the following communication from Rabbi Yakov Horowitz. Since the last post was based almost entirely on Rabbi Horowitz's article in Mishpacha I post it here as a separate post rather than bury it somewhere deep in the comment section.

Professor Marc Shapiro is absolutely correct. It was my error in submitting the wrong version of the essay to mishpacha, -- the same one that you read.

I meant to submit the final text -- which reads:

"The indisputable fact that virtually all fervently observant Jews in Hungary/Rumania were fluent in their native language is an important one to reflect upon."

'My bad,' as the kids say. The correct version will be posted on my website, and I assume that I will be eating several helpings of humble pie in Mishpacha next week responding to the inevitable letters to the editor correcting me.

BTW; I find it most ironic that (Hungarian) chassidim in America are among those who reject English the most -- while their very own grandparents embraced Hungarian. And if you look at stationery from Reb Yoel, the Satmer Rebbi z'tl, it said "Joel" as in Hungary it was common to have secular names.

A One Two Punch

One of the brightest spots on the Charedi horizon is Mishpacha Magazine. This is a magazine that is geared to the Charedi public but is not subject to the editorial veto pen of the Charedi rabbinic leadership – as is The Yated or Hamodia. My understanding is that Mishpacha does, however, enjoy their tacit approval - if not official approval. They certainly toe a Charedi line in many of its publishing policies. For example, I do not believe they publish any pictures of women. Though I disagree with this policy the positives of this magazine far outweigh negatives like this.

What is positive about this magazine is their courage in publishing controversial subjects - and controversial opinions on them. Jonathan Rosenblum’s recent column (see yesterday’s post) is but one of many examples of this. So too is another column appearing this week in Mishpacha. This one is by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz. It hones in more precisely on the issue of secular studies – specifically learning basic skills required for earning a living in this country.

As with Jonathan’s article, so too does Rabbi Horowitz reflect the very same attitudes I have. And as I mentioned yesterday, if I were the one making these comments they would be written off as coming from a modern Orthodox perspective -‘the enemy’.

Rabbi Horowitz is clearly not ‘the enemy’. He is Charedi. He is a valued member of the Agudah ‘team’. He heads their Project Yes that deals with children at risk. He has published articles in their magazine, The Jewish Observer. And he is often a featured speaker at their conventions. The article should be read in its entirety. It is a relatively short one and is well worth the time. It is available here.

Rabbi Horowitz is not afraid to call ‘a spade a spade’. There is a current push to devalue anything secular at all including the English language in most if not all Charedi circles. Certain Chasidim in particular insist on treating the English language as secondary. The result in many cases is illiteracy. The claim is made that learning the English language too well it will somehow departs from the Mesorah and dilute their Judaism. These are Rabbi Horowitz’s views:

The indisputable fact that virtually all fervently observant Jews in Europe were fluent in their native languages is an important one to reflect upon. Why? Because it counters the revisionist history that developing English language skills in our children is somehow charting a “new” path that deviates from our mesorah, our tradition.

Need I say more? Revisionism is but one of the elements that has infected the Charedi world. They deny the truths of history - if it serves their purpose. Now… their purpose is noble. It is to preserve the heritage of authentic Judaism and not let foreign influences in that will dilute the purity of Judaism as they see it. But their means are in this case counter-productive and in essence do no such thing. They preserve only the Yiddish language. The downside is that by treating English as a second language they hinder the ability to become gainfully employed.

Revisionism is the new building block of the Charedi world. If a piece of history does not fit the image of how they wish to portray Judaism, it must not be taught - or it must be modified to fit the image! Rabbi Horowitz recognizes this very point, identifies it correctly as revisionism and labels it harmful:

What is most unsettling is that having a command of the native language is more crucial in today’s job market than it has ever been.

And there is more:

Many point to individuals who became fabulously wealthy without a command of their native language. But they are just that. Individuals. The brutal reality is that most people who are poorly educated struggle mightily to earn a living and support their families — and this applies even or especially to those who plan on entering chinuch or rabbanus. Expecting to strike it rich with limited education is analogous to a fi fteen-year-old dribbling a basketball and dreaming of playing in the National Basketball Association.

This is truly a wise observation – one that should be fully absorbed by all who point to the fabulous successes of some people in their community who are illiterate and have become wealthy despite that fact.

And yet, there is no push by Charedi leadership to change this attitude. This attitude goes beyond the extremes of those Chasidim that treat English as a second language. To a lesser but still very significant extent, this seems to be a prevailing attitude among all Charedim. The following excerpt demonstrates this fact:

A close friend of mine owns a business in an area with a large chareidi population, and is always looking to provide Avreichim with jobs. His “entrance exam” is rather simple. He gives prospective applicants a sheet of paper and asks them to write two paragraphs in English about why they would like to land a job in his company, and then to turn on a computer and type those lines. His thinking is that if an applicant cannot perform those two tasks, they are useless to him in his business. Suffice it to say that this would probably be my last column in Mishpacha if I shared with you the percentage of applicants he turns away because they cannot do that.

This should shock anyone who feels that current Charedi attitudes about secular education are correct. If you have a son whose primary goal is to go to Lakewood for an indeterminate length of time, you should be worried - if they have attended Charedi elementary and high schools.

Once again, these are indeed my views. But they are not being expressed by me. They are being expressed by a certified Charedi Mechanech in a popular Charedi periodical. The percentages of Charedim who cannot do simple tasks is so large, that it would embarrass the whole community if the parentages were published.

This is a ‘one-two punch’. First Jonathan Rosenblum and now Rabbi Yakov Horowitz. Mishpacha is to be strongly commended for constantly publishing articles like this. If they continue to enjoy the tacit support of Charedi Gedolim, maybe these Gedolim do secretly seek the paradigm change I have called for.

I just hope that they stop keeping it a secret.

Update: Rabbi Horowitz has posted his corrected Mishpacha article at his website. It is linked above and here.

Changing the Paradigm

I feel sorry for Jonathan Rosenblum. His writings of late have increasingly reflected a realty which I have been writing about for a long time. For this he is being criticized by many Charedim – even mainstream ones. I heard a lot of this when I was in Israel recently. It was a sort of, ‘Come on, Jonathan!’ ‘We all have problems there is no need to constantly cry over them… and make us look so helpless!’

I can certainly understand their consternation. No one likes to see their warts exposed to the world, and certainly not by someone who identifies as Charedi. When I say exactly the same thing, it can easily be dismissed as coming ‘from the enemy’. But Jonathan has credibility. And when he - and I - and many others say the same things people ought to pay attention.

The truth shall set you free. And Jonathan speaks the truth. One of the very first things he says in a column published in Mishpacha Magazine – reprinted on Cross-Currents is the following:

A shmuess given in Lakewood Yeshiva, for instance, about the proper uses of bein hazemanim will find a receptive audience. The same shmuess given outside the walls of a yeshiva, and particularly if enunciated in the form of ban, might be widely ignored. Rather than influencing behavior in the proper direction, the most immediate impact would be to lower the stature of gedolei Yisrael and their edicts in the eyes of all those who ignored the ban.

These facts cannot be disputed. The stature of Charedi Gedolim is being diminished. The anonymity that the internet provides - enables even Charedim to vent their frustrations in ways that – were identities to be known - would ostracize them in own community.

Jonathan recognizes that reality. Pointing it out should not be a reason to dismiss him. It should rather be taken to heart. The fact is that the Charedi world is in trouble and the diminished stature of the Charedi Gedolim will not serve this community well.

The biggest issue facing them now in my view is due to an ideal that has been built by the pioneers of the current state of the Torah world - the ideal of learning full time for as long as possible. This mindset is now stronger than ever:

The ideal of long-term Torah learning for all males promoted by the Chazon Ish in Eretz Yisrael and Rav Aharon Kotler in America has completely transformed the Torah world over the past half century. The strength of that ideal ensures that the ambitions of males in the community are directed towards gadlus b’Torah.

I would posit that the ideal they sought has exceeded their expectations. Israel now has tens of thousands of young men now learning full time without end and without having prepared for the workplace at any level – should they somehow reach that end.

Rav Ahron Kotler was not of this mindset. He was the leading pioneer of the ‘Torah revolution’ in America. Yet when he was asked how long one should stay in a Kollel his answer was, ‘two or three years is enough for anyone’! I’m sure that this will be denied by those who simply cannot believe he said that. But my sources on this are pretty good. It was heard directly from Rav Kotler by an early Talmid of his and repeated by a friend of his on a widely read e-mail list.

When Rav Kotler died his Yeshiva had less than 300 students. And that was considered wildly successful. Now there are over 5000 students there and I was recently told that his Yeshiva in Lakewood has ambitious plans to double in size!

Is this the wisest use of all of our talent? Is this what Rav Ahron Kotler really wanted? Did he expect every single Jew to go this route – to learn in Kollel indefinitely - without any preparation for the future to support his family?

It is my impression that very few if any of those whom many consider Gedolim actually feel this way. Why they are reticent to say so publicly is beyond me.

If good jobs are scarce now for those well trained in the general population - how many good jobs will be available for the untrained young Kollel fellow? And that’s if they are even moved enough to get a job. The pressure to stay in Kollel is enormous. Those who are advised to leave for the workplace are exceptions that are given on a one by one basis. As a group they are urged to continue learning in Kollel for as long as possible.

We need to face the urgent reality of now. Money is drying up. Charity campaigns will not be enough to stem the tide of poverty, especially in this current world-wide economic crisis. There has to be a sea change in attitude in the Charedi world.

The Kollel has to be returned to its original intent - as a bastion of Torah learning for the best and brightest, not for the masses as it is now. I don’t expect the Charedi Gedolim to embrace my Hashkafa of Torah U’Mada - or that of Rav Shamshon Raphael Hirsch’s ‘Torah Im Derech Eretz’. But I do hope that they re-assess their reticence to speak out on the current malaise. The paradigm has to change. There has to be a greater emphasis on working - and preparing for it.

I do not expect - nor do I wish for - a devaluation of Torah learning. But a sense of proportion is sorely lacking. It would enhance the Torah world immensely if - instead of trying to double the size of the enrollment at Lakewood they would raise entry standards. Those who are denied entry need not feel belittled.

Rejecting someone from entry into Lakewood (or any Yeshiva like it) need not mean that one is considered less intelligent. It should only mean that one’s talents lie elsewhere and that they can better serve God in areas more suited to their talents.

If that happens the entire Torah world will benefit. It may take some time to feel the impact. And the economic crisis will certainly slow things down. Hopefully the Charedi Gedolim realize that. They should therefore seek with haste to change the current paradigm. Because if they don’t it may change without them in a direction neither they nor any of us want to see.

The Intellectually Honest Scientist

Truth. The elusive ultimate knowledge of reality that only God fully possesses. How does one attempt to ever achieve this knowledge? How indeed can one even know that God exists?

There are two basic ways to determine that. One is through belief - and the other is through investigation. In my view the best way is through a combination of both. Truth through scientific observations and philosophic contemplation. But only those with intellectual honesty will realize that the ultimate truth is unattainable unless one has direct communication with God.

The Navi therefore had truth. But Nevuah – prophesy - ceased over two thousand years ago. We no longer have that kind of communication between man and God.

One of the primary functions of this blog is to seek truth. That is the meaning of the word Emes in the title. The existence of God and the validity of the Torah are two truths that I maintain. I am not going to go into the reasons in this essay for those beliefs, but suffice it to say that I utilize scientific evidence, philosophic and inductive reasoning, and intuitive thinking to achieve those truths.

This brings me to an article in Cross-Currents by Rabbi Avi Shafran. He quotes the Rambam as a seeker of truth in the scientific realm:

(It is) nothing less than the Biblical commandment to love G-d is fulfilled when a person investigates nature...

Rabbi Shafran writes this in reference to the Super-Collider. This is a device designed for the purpose of a huge scientific experiment that accelerates sub-atomic particles to near the speed of light. When they collide – it will duplicate conditions at the moment of Creation – the Big Bang.

Rabbi Shafran is excited by this prospect. He feels as I do that this will help us understand more about what God’s creative process actually is. Thus it will strengthen our belief - in that: we will be will struck by its intricacy and beauty, (and we will be) filled with awe and gratitude to the Divine.

I think that’s right. And I support this scientific endeavor. This is an experiment to find the truth of creation.

But as Rabbi Shafran correctly point out there are many scientists with their own pre-conceived notions who have a different agenda. They seek to lessen belief in God by showing that the more one understands the mechanics of nature, the less we need to rely on the notion of a Creator.

But the truth of the matter is that those scientists who think this way are not scientists - but ideologues. They are often atheists who start from a premise of the non existence of God. This is a view that has devolved of an education that negates any philosophic thought and rejects any form of intuitive thinking. It’s all about what we can ‘see’. If it can’t be detected in the corporeal world, it does not exist.

But these are not true scientists, in my view. A scientist must have an open mind. He must not have pre-conceived notions either way. Intellectual honesty demands that the experiments and their conclusions take them only to the point where what is seen is proven. Not to a point where what is not seen is disproved.

Those who use science to disprove God are just as foolish as those who use science to prove God. Neither side can prove or disprove God. Intellectual honesty demands that approach.

The following two paragraphs from Rabbi Shafran’s essay demonstrate the fallaciousness of the agendized scientist. The first paragraph demonstrates the intellectual honesty of a scientist with an open mind versus the lack of intellectual honesty of a scientist whose atheism is his agenda. The concluding paragraph demonstrates where the agendized scientist can end up.

And so, while there are many scientists (like astrophysicists Fred Hoyle, Paul Davies and Arno Penzias, to name a few of the most famous) who maintain their human sense of wonder at the world and see purpose in nature, others, like physicist Steven Weinberg, choose to see the cosmos as fascinating but ultimately meaningless. Commenting on the LHC’s expected informational yield, he opined that “as science explains more and more, there is less and less need for religious explanations.”

Such conceit recalls another technological project, one whose promoters’ focus was on the macrocosmic. The builders of the Tower of Babel, the Torah tells us, sought to erect a structure whose top would pierce the heavens, the better to assert their independence from the Divine and “make for ourselves a name.” Their plans, of course, were dashed; their arrogance did them in.

Gedolim – Then and Now

One of the main problems afflicting Orthodox Judaism is the way in which our children have been indoctrinated to think about Gedolei Yisroel. They are taught to treat them as larger than life icons of Torah knweldege and thereby vest them with near infallibility.

This is often denied by some Charedim. But I believe it is nonetheless a widespread belief among them. And it is one of the primary reasons that the recent pronouncement about wigs by Rav Elyashiv has stirred so much controversy.

It wasn’t always this way. When I was in school we never had such issues. There were no proclamations of this type. But there were Gedolim around then. They were very high stature. I’m sure that today’s rabbinic leaders will be the first to acknowledge the superior status of that generation of Gedolim.

But despite this fact there were rarely if ever any issues that caused so much consternation among our people. I don’t recall any Psak then that resulted in the kind of controversy we are experiencing now - on an almost regular basis. It just didn’t happen – or if it did it was rare.

Today things are different. Takanos are coming at us with what seems like a great fury! Our children - many of whom are now adults - have been indoctrinated to believe that whoever our Gedolim are they are to be given defacto infallibility. To argue with them is considered tantamount to heresy. Here is a typical comment from someone with a Beis Yaakov education:

I was always taught in bais yaakov if a gadol hador says black is white and left is right, then that's that with no questions asked. To have to say i am above that and what r' elyashiv and the other gedolim in Israel say doesnt apply to me feels like total blasphemy and apikorsus.

Blasphemy and Apikorsus! The sad reality is that the attitudes instilled in our students in the last 20 or so years are radically different than the attitudes we were instilled with when I was in school back in the 60s. And just to be clear -I went to Charedi schools all the way through tenth grade and my teachers after that for the next ten years at HTC were almost all Charedi.

Yes, we all respected the Gedolim. But we were never given any message that was tantamount to their having defacto infallibility. But this is the attitude that is now prevalent and mainstream. Of course lip service is always paid to the fact that Gedolim are human and fallible. But that's all it is. Lip service! The argument is that since they know Torah better than anyone else - we have no choice but to listen to everything they say.

When I was in school, a Gadol would come up with a Psak – a Halachic ruling. We would all respect that Psak and realize that there are other Gedolim that might disagree. Each group had their own Gadol. Some groups had several. But even if they didn’t have their own Gedolim (of the stature of a Rav Moshe) the Psak was not always adhered to. If Rav Moshe Feinstein came out with a difficult Teshuva it was not considered heresy if one followed a more lenient Psak.

A famous example is that of wearing rain hats that covered the regular felt hats on Shabbos. Rav Moshe forbade them as a violation of the Melacha of Yetzia – carrying on Shabbos. Telshe permitted them. There was no Posek in Telshe that was even close to RMF in Psak. But Telshe had there own Mesorah on that issue. They wore rain hats and no one considered a Telzer to be a Mechalel Shabbos.

This is an example of a key part of the problem we have today: The concept of family Mesorah has been obliterated.

Students have been indoctrinated to believe that if a family had a Mesorah - a tradition that was counter to the Mishna Berurah - or counter to the Psak of a current Gadol - or counter to mainstream practices, their family Mesorah was probably a Taus – an error based on ignorance or that it was somehow corrupted in transmission generationally.

Thus family Mesorah - even when correct was not considered a reliable source of Halachic behavior. The only sources that were considered authoritative was the text of Halacha Seforim like the Mishna Berurah, or the latest responsa of a current Gadol who is after all - for all intents and purposes - infallible. Far more reliable – therefore - than an imperfect family Mesorah.

Thus the Gadol of today is the beneficiary of such thinking. He is considered to have far greater authority. And all kinds of arguments of the type used by the young woman above are used in defense of that position. This is why we are having the current discussions about the modern day Shaitel. Past is no longer prologue. We can’t trust the past. We can only trust the current Psak. That is far more reliable than our parents version of Halacha. Who knows how badly it was corrupted?! We can’t trust it!

And what makes matters worse is that cultural milieu is no longer a factor. It use to be but when the likies of Rav Moshe Feinstein, and Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky died, America no longer had Gedolim of that stature. But Israel did: Rav Shach, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Rav Waldenberg all of blessed memory - and currently - Rav, Elyashiv, Rav Wosner, Rav Steinman, and Rav Kanievsky. All paskin based on the cultural milieu of Israel which is radically different than that of the west. But it doesn’t seem to matter. The eyes of the American Charedi world have now turned eastward. American 'Gdolim' are second tier to those mentioned above. They will be the first to say so.

But they are treated by their constituents as first tier. They will cite the Gemarah’s dictum about ‘Yiftach B’Doro K’Shmuel B’Doro’. Loose translation: You play the hand you’re dealt.

And so they are the ones with defacto infallibility. They know more than us - end of conversation. To question them is heresy. An who do they see as their leaders? The Israeli Gedolim.

Now some of this should be taken with a grain of salt. Many Charedim will privately be told by their own Rav or Rosh Yeshiva that they do not have to listen to the latest Chumra out of Israel. But the attitude of defacto infallibility prevails in the public square. Israeli Gedolim will not be contradicted publicly.

This constant barrage of Takanos are such that Ein HaTzibur Yochal Laamod Bam - the public will not withsatnd them. At some point this bubble is going to burst and Charedim will start rebelling. I hope it’s soon.